Jealousy in relationships

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by WhyNotStop, Sep 27, 2019.

  1. Hello Nofap family. As a kid I was never really confident and always had relationship attachment issues as a teen. To the point where I would consider myself a creep... I wanted to know everything about my crush as I let my jealousy fully take over my life. Now as a grown up I see this issue and have been working to improve it. I'm in my first "stable" relationship where I'm learning to cope and control my jealous impulses. At the beginning of this relationship it wasn't much of an issue, but now that we're both very busy in college it's shaking up our relationship. We both agreed it's currently a close-friendship since we both are very busy but do plan on starting something in the near future. The problem is this "shaking up of the relationship" is messing with my jealousy sensors and I'm struggling to keep my impulses under control. Even though this isn't an official relationship yet I'm wanting control.... I'm becoming bitter with jealousy. Has anyone here gone though this before? Porn has been my previous resolution to my jealousy but it just makes things worst. What can I do to get rid of this?
    Coffee Candy likes this.
  2. I think jealousy often comes down to lowkey being a lack of trust. If you trust your partner completely, you don't need to worry and feel jealous nearly as much. Like I would be annoyed if my husband was flirting with someone else, but if someone else flirts with him, I'm not super worried about it. Because I know he loves me and is committed to me.

    But if you're not yet fully committed to each other, then you don't have that security. You have no guarantee that she wouldn't be flirting with other guys or whatever. So I guess at that point I would just say to trust that things will work out in the end. If something happens between her and another guy, then maybe she isn't someone you want to be with anyway. And if nothing happens, then that just solidifies even more that she is committed to you and that you can trust her. So I think maybe it comes down to just not worrying. Think about what the worst case scenario is, and realize it's not all that bad and it will work out.

    Idk, that's all I got at the moment. Hopefully something in there is helpful.
    Shatteredsoul and WhyNotStop like this.
  3. Yes it's very helpful... A relationship needs two important things in order to work and that's trust and communication.

    As for my current relationship separating myself and really just giving her some space really enhanced our relationship. I gave her some space this week and we just got off an amazing conversation filled with love. My worries are gone and I honestly feel great! Thanks!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. GuitarAfficionado

    GuitarAfficionado Fapstronaut

    I had some pretty intense fights over jealousy on my relationship (2.5 years going strong), even though in my case she was the jealous one, I believe I can help you with some insights.

    First and most important, what we usually feel towards others is a projection of what we're feeling inside. If you got a sense of loss, insecurity or lack of trust, any of those things can manifest jealousy.

    Second: for me, it is about not feeding those thoughts. Our fears usually never turn into reality and also prevents us from having more positive outcomes.

    Third: as much as it sounds a little harsh, others doesn't make us feel anything. They can surely affect us with their actions, BUT how we answer to those actions is totally up to us.

    Those 3 simple concepts can make you guys understand a few things better and I'm glad y'all had a nice and open conversation.

    I'm not insecure in my relationship because I really put time and effort into it. I know I'm doing my best, and I make sure to constantly have deep conversations w/ her to correct things that are causing discomfort and can turn into major issues down the road.

    Hope I help you w/ some things.

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