Jealousy

Good question actually. It is hard to define what is too much but whenever you get jealous you should ask yourself if it makes any sense.

Some jealousy is usually healthy and show that you care but it becomes toxic if your reactions often are out of proportion. If you find yourself shouting and screaming for something relatively small or feel like you need to know where your girl is at all times then it starts to become toxic.

I dont have all the answers but talk about it with people, maybe even with a therapist.

 

I can proudly say that I did my work for several years and removed all the issues I had (red flags if you like to call them that way) and now I'm living an even better life than before, one that really make me happy. I'm also sharing it with a woman that also worked to be in her best version and living a happy life. Yes, we were both happy before each other and now we are sharing our happines together. No baggage from the past. That's what I always recomend people to aim for.

yes they are, and is good that they are here trying to fix it. I was one of them.

I always recomend them to work on their issues and once they are happy they can go and share it with other people.
Can they date while they are with red flags? of course but I don't recomend it. Why? because of 3 things:
1- It's selfish to go out there and share all your red flags with another person. Share your happiness, not your problems.
2- A person with no red flags is not going to date a person with red flags. They can go and date people without red flags, just because is easier and a lot more enjoyable.
3- The person that are going to be willing to date a person with red flags is another person with red flags. Not only you have issues to fix, you are going to get also the problems of the other person.

Totally, i would support a person that is struggling tempory and is showing me that is working his/her ass off to fix it. But I read here people that are stuck with partners that are addict for several years and they are not getting any better, istead of walking away they keep complaining about it when is their fault for supporting a person that already showd them year after year that they are not doing a thing to get better.

 

well put. Most if not everyone have some baggage. Everyone have emotions. Everyone react different. People have different personalities and so on. Bottom line is that nobody is perfect. It is up to each and every one of us really where we draw the line. I can put up with some red flags usually. No one is perfect. If someone tells me they are then they are probably a narcissist and thats a deal breaker.

 

I could try but not sure if I can provide a good answer. I have been jealous before. I remember I was dating a girl and it went quite well. She added me on Instagram mostly because I was posting pictures of my cat. I didnt really use Instagram for anything else. One day I scrolled trough some of her pictures. They were several years old and she was obviously inactive across all social media platforms.

I saw a picture where she was with an old boyfriend probably. The way she smiled in the picture was different than anything I had seen her express while around me. So I got jealous. Maybe I thought about it for a couple hours but then I realized it was stupid. I decided not to scroll trough her pictures again because it triggered me.

It was early in our relationship and I was unsure if she had the same feelings about me. It was just that. Insecurity. I knew that it was not rational and I kept it to myself. If I had told her, that would have been a lot worse. I would probably have offended her and ruined it for a petty little thing like a 5 year old picture of her ex.

Interestingly as I got to know her better, I found myself getting less jealous. When it was clear that she wanted no one but me it was no reason to get jealous at all.

Jealousy is a defense mechanism. A little bit can be charming, just showing that you care and that you get uncomfortable sometimes. A girl can tell if you get a little jealous by the tone of your voice or if you get a little uncomfortable when she hugs a friend. Stuff like that doesn't matter as long as you dont make a scene. It just shows that you care.

When the relationship matures and you trust her more, you can throw jealousy out the window for the most part. You cant always control the emotion but you can control how you react to it.