Jekyll and Hyde \ Now I'm Getting Angry

So I'm sitting here listening to some bumpin trap music, front squatting some heavy weight...and I'm getting a little jacked up. You here me?! I'm getting a little MAD.

Two nights ago I masturbated in my sleep. AGAIN. I'm getting pretty fricken sick of it. I sleep on my stomach. I have tried so hard to sleep in other positions and I've had no success. In the end I need my sleep so I just roll over to my stomach.

This is where it gets weird. As I fall asleep I get an erection. Then, my mind comes up with really weird half awake dreams. These dreams are usually fuzzy, never sexual and usually consist of vague feelings of trying to ACCOMPLISH something. Like trying to rearrange puzzle pieces. What's actually happening is I'm thrusting into my mattress, and I'm trying to "accomplish" ejaculation. It's so weird and incredibly confusing when I wake up. I'm left with doubt of whether or not it was intentional. I've even dreamed it WAS intentional but it wasn't. These are definitely different then wet dreams.

As a side point the orgasm does not feel good, in fact I barely feel it. This was the same when I masturbated prone intentionally.

It's really wearing on my mental health. They leave me feeling guilty and confused. They are messing with my reboot and keeping me attached to sexual desire. I AM NOT REBOOTED YET BECAUSE OF THIS! I AIN'T GOT TIME FO THIS! NOBODY GOT TIME FO DIS CRAP.

The strange part is if I THINK about this event, it happens! Two nights I remember praying and thinking about it, hoping and asking it wouldn't. BAM! It's in my subconscious and it happens, almost without fail.

I think the key may be deep meditation before bed, emptying my mind so nothing is lodged in my subconscious. Any and all ideas to stop this are welcome.

 

Hmmm. I just gotta tough out a couple of nights of bad sleep I guess. Every time I try back or sides I flip over half asleep to my stomach.

Always good advice to pray, and I will do so, thank you. I'm thinking of maybe reading the bible before bed, then praying, then deep meditation to clear the mind. I'll try it tonight.