Jobless, Degreeless & Mentally impaired man needs some advice desperately!

B

Boomba

Fapstronaut
Hello I'm a 26 year old guy from India. At the age of 18 I started watching porn & started masturbation. Overtime I became an addict & masturbated like 3 times daily every day in a year & I started using PE drugs like Duralast to delay the ejaculation. In academics I was the topper at college & many praised me for my Intelligence. At the age of 20 all of a sudden everything changed. I became insomniac & I slept like 30 minutes at night. The daytime went so fatigued. After a few days I got Psoriasis & Asthma. I didn't go to class & exams because of fatigue & memory loss all of a sudden. I couldn't even engage in common conversations as I verbally so weak. I happened because of unreasonable nervousness & I stumbled upon words because my mind went blank. I couldn't even remember the names of my classmates. Psoriasis cured after treatment in a short while. Due to this I was dropped from college for a couple of years & I never got degree. Every bit of symptoms continues even after 8 years. My penis shrunk & is much smaller than the penis of a 14 year old boy. Even now I can't focus on a tasks & remember what happened two days ago. I read a paragraph 10 times & get understand nothing. Concentration & memory are almost Zero. I don't drive because I get nervous & anxious so my mind goes blank eventually. Even now I can't come out of PMO. I masturbate like 15 times a week. I don't go to work.
I've been consulting some psychiatrists for some years & they prescribed me medications which never had any effect. They tried SSRI, Benzos & Tricyclics which never gave effect. Initially I thought this was Generalised Anxiety disorder but after much research since some months I found out that this is Porn & masturbation addiction.
After reading Brain chemistry & Neurotransmitters online, I did have some inferences. I became addict to masturbation which induced stress excessively. This stress stimulation led to Psoriasis & Asthma. Psoriasis is aggravated & induced by high amounts of stress as research says. Same goes to Asthma. My mind asks for the instant happiness which I get from Masturbation that releases massive amounts of Dopamine. The neurotransmitter which is responsible for regulating stress & inhibition of addiction is GABA. GABA'S precursor is Glutamate. Glutamate is an exitotoxin which induces stress which led to Psoriasis & Asthma. As addiction got stronger & stronger the GABA system weakened so all the Cognitive illness kicked in. As I went through the forum I came to know that GABA supplements are advised to take. But in my case it's much complex. I have all the Cognitive impairments which wrecked my life into depression & suicidal thoughts. I want to get back to normal human now & I have the root cause of all my sorrows. I have been taking Ritalin & Modafinil for some days. Modafinil doesn't work that much as it gave Migrane headaches. Ritalin was a wonder. It made me feel like a superman with huge dopamine boost. My concentration, memory & verbal ability was amazing in Ritalin. But only thing was it gave me dry mouth & I felt like a Zombie. Positive outweigh negatives so I Love Ritalin that much. I take Ritalin Immediate release 20Mg 3 times a day. As I found taking stimulant thrice a day weird, I switched to Ritalin Extended release 40Mg a day which was terrible as it gave migranes like Modafinil. I clueless why a same drug acts different in different release versions.
As I'm a severe addict who's life got wrecked up, what should I do now? Should I take GABA? Or boost up dopamine or take a stimulant like Ritalin? I want my old brain back & what will be the right way? What change of brain chemistry led me to the point I'm now & how can I overcome that? What will be the most powerful way to return normal? What would be dosage of the drugs or supplements would be like?
Please help me. You may find grammatical errors because I'm very cognitively impaired.
With hopes of new Life with a new community!!!
 
I tried meditaimed brother. Didn't get any effect at all. This seems to be a change in neyritranneurotrs or inflammation in Brain!
 
Hey man, I'm no doctor, but I have learned a thing or two from struggling for the last half-decade with chronic illness. What you're describing doesn't sound like it's addiction-related. I have some of the same symptoms as you, and my guess would be that you're experiencing some kind of an autoimmune condition, probably similar to what I've got. Where did you get the information about GABA leading to all your symptoms?
 
You're giving very little information about your environment, but you very well describe thoughts. Do you live with your parents or loved one? Do you like the environment you live in? How was your childhood until 10-12 years old? How many close friends do you have? Do you live in a city or a village? Do you have contact with nature regularly, do you have a pet walk in parks? Do you feel lonely or are you bored? Do you have hobbies or challenging activities? etc.

I believe you are focusing too much on your thoughts and too little on your emotional wellbeing. Your onset at age 20 of the symptoms you describe could potentially be traced to some sort of trauma? What you describe, I believe, doesn't just happen overnight because there was a blue moon, I strongly believe it's related to an emotional trauma.

Say how you feel: angry, bored, frustrated, afraid/fearful, rejected, humiliated, unacknowledged etc.
 
I don’t know if this will help, but today I just became sick of myself. Sick of all the self gratification. Giving in to constant gradification and pleasing myself. I’m just so tired of it. I want the rest of this week to be about self growth. So much wasted time I can’t get back. I don’t want to waste anymore on my impulses.
 
The best advice I can give you is to use paragraph spacing.
 
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