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Joining This Community to Stay Intentional With Developing My Sexuality

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Quigley89, Oct 30, 2020.

  1. Quigley89

    Quigley89 New Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    I just wanted to introduce myself and get acquainted with internet pals with similar intentions. I also have a couple questions at the bottom of this post, but I would also love to hear people's commentary in general if any of my writing inspires a response from anyone. :)

    I first found out about this community about 3 years ago, when I was 27 years old. I've tried quitting PMO on and off over the years but never made it past 35ish days. Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn't, it really depends on my mental health at the time.

    The wisdom I've acquired over the years of doing this on my own has been really insightful, I'm not here for any particular reason other than I want to be more intentional with my sexual habits, and I do want to rewire my brain and liberate myself from the PMO frame of mind. I do feel like I have a hard time regulating my sexuality and I'm fully subscribed to the idea that Porn doesn't have a healthy place in my life and I'm ready to walk away from it. My goal through this journey is to just be open minded, make holistic changes gradually, and not harbor any shame along the way.

    I have learned over the years that my PMO habits are most certainly tied to anxiety, for the most part I only MO/PMO when I'm feeling anxious, rarely ever due to arousal. Thus I feel very grateful that when I'm not stressed/anxious, my self control is 1000x stronger. So I've been trying to find the roots of my anxiety (and I do think Porn does play a role in that too).

    I've also noticed when I'm actively dating, I don't consume pornography, unless it's from my partner. So in that regard I am grateful that my attention is focused on her and not an anonymous woman on the internet. However, when I'm single I do consume porn, and that makes me feel too lazy to pursue women and has been having compound negative effects on my dating life over the last two years or so.

    Over 2020 I have gotten rid of all my social media accounts and in August I put my cell phone away for the entire month. I enjoyed the liberating feeling so much that I actually got rid of my cell phone all together. I feel like this has helped mitigate PMO temptations significantly but not entirely.

    I have a few questions because I do struggle with a few key roadblocks that cause me to reset quite often:

    1). I can't seem to go more than 30 days before the urges become too strong for me to ignore. I feel like I'm having more than just thoughts, but physiological responses too. I guess I feel like I'm so pent up with sexual frustration that I feel agitated and it seems like the temptation to orgasm is so loud that I physically can't concentrate on anything else. For lack of a better word, I literally feel like cum is going to shoot out of my tear-ducts if I don't get a release soon.

    I don't like the person that I am when I feel backed up, it clouds my judgment, my temperament, and perverts my interactions with women. I feel like PMOing all the time kills my libido, so I don't know how to sit with myself for more than a few weeks if I haven't had an O in a while. Any advice on getting past this "Fermi-Paradox" of a barrier?

    2). More specific to #1, I feel physical pain in my body about 2-3 weeks into nofap. At best my balls ache and at worst I get severe low back pain. I know they say mental urges can dissipate within minutes, but the longer I go the more persistent the urges and pain seem to intensify. The urges are not 24/7 but the pain does seem to be. I feel like this is psychosomatic and I'm not convinced I have a legitimate pathology though I'm open to anyone who may disagree. Anyone else experience physical pain and how do you get through it?

    3). Lastly, I suspected that the pain from #2 was attributed to my sedentary life style. I had an incredibly weak core and was prone to severe low back pain unrelated to the sensations mentioned above. I've been going to the gym religiously over the last 3 months, focusing on core and glute exercises to mitigate the low back pain.

    I'm very happy to report the LBP has completely vanished. I'm also seeing all the other benefits of working out too. With the increase in testosterone I am finding a tremendous sense of physical power, confidence and for the first time in a long time I'm having stronger sexual arousal. I.e. I actually want to masturbate because I'm horny, not anxious. My arousal erections are much stronger than my anxiety ones, in that regard I'm very happy that my member is working as intended despite porn addiction. However...

    I'm only 7 days into my nofap reset, and because of the gym I feel like my arousal levels are through the roof I'm struggling to not think about sex all the time, it feels like highschool all over again. I have a lot of beautiful female friends in my life and I'm starting to see them in a different light. I love this rekindled sex drive that I'm experiencing, but all the women in my life are not romantically available right now, and just being in their presence increases my arousal. I don't know how to regulate this sexual energy, and I don't know what to do about it because I'm also trying to walk away from Tinder/Hookup-culture. Please help!


    Thank you so much for taking time to read this essay and I really appreciate any feedback in this thread. I'm overall very happy with most aspects of my life, except for dating/sexuality and look forward to learning from everyone in this community. <3
     
  2. Welcome! I too have known about this community for a while, but only recently joined when I realized my efforts to control PMO solo were going nowhere. You're in good company!

    If you haven't yet had a chance to read [rul=https://nofap.com/rebooting/]this article,[/url] I would highly recommend it! Scrolling down to the part about vasocongestion in particular might answer some of your questions. Otherwise, for other kinds of pain or medical issues, the advice will be pretty much the same: you might need to get in touch with your doctor.

    I admire your commitment to walk away from Tinder/hookup culture. For reasons of my own I'm not engaging in any dating/sexual activity at this period in my life, in spite of all the female friends I'm blessed to know. I suppose one thing I could offer is to say that if you can master PMO habits, you have the strength to master your libido too. It all falls in the same general category of regulating our sexual passions. I'm only on Day 10 of my streak so I may not be one to talk, but we are more than a collection of body parts and instincts...and so are those female friends. I don't know what your state/position in life right now is, but if you're hanging out with those friends, see if they have other friends they'd like to invite. Maybe there are some activities where y'all can go out as a group and meet people none of you have met before. That could go hand in hand with another rebooting tip, which is to channel the sexual energy into new hobbies and habits. Going to the gym is awesome; maybe you could work in other types of exercise like long-distance running (my favorite!) or balance it out with something more artsy.

    Above all, we're here to fight the good fight. The only way you lose is if you don't get back up again!
     
    Jefe Rojo likes this.

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