Journal of a wife with husband PMO, prostitutes and affairs. And two young children.

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Square79, Apr 24, 2018.

  1. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Hi there,
    I am the SO of an excessive Porn Addict cons - He is also having affairs and going to brothels regularly.
    Just last week I found out about an affair he had.. And faced him. He admitted excessive Porn usage, regular meetings with prostitutes, using the blue pills and having affairs with his secretaries.

    I am devastated.
    We have two young kids. A wonderful family.

    Unfortunately we have been there a few years ago - I found out about an affair.. He had prostitutes and affairs and heavy Porn usage.. And he wanted to stop it all, so he wouldn't lose me.
    I agreed and he did psychotherapy but started slowly but surely with Porn again.. Then prostitutes and also having affairs with his secretaries.
    For 3 years he was doing this now in the second sequel.
    I am so tired, so wounded. I feel so hollow.

    It's really bad and hurts me so much.
    We have a wonderful family, an active and adventurous love life, two super kids. I am an attractive and sexy Partner, Open minded, we had a lot of variety and fun.

    It is so bad now.. I feel devastated.

    With my husband he said: When he feels stressed, has anxiety or fears.. He is escaping in hours of Porn usage or going to brothels after office. And having affairs with secretaries.. All to keep his thought from any irrational fears. It's so crazy.
    We have a wonderful life, everything a man can dream of. And he is risking it all because of this SHIT.

    I want to vomit.
    Don't know what to do now.
     
    Nate1879 likes this.
  2. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Update: found a therapist focused on porn addiction. Sex addiction.
    They have their first meeting in two days. I hope she can help!
     
  3. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Have a doctor's appointment to check for Sexual transmitted diseases.
    As he interacted a lot with prostitutes.
     
    self healing and Cloud_Strife_09 like this.
  4. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Me I also have a session to help me getting over it.
     
  5. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    1,817
    3,891
    143
    @Square79 , I'm so sorry you are going through this. You've got a tough road ahead of you but are off to a good start. It is good he is willing to see a therapist and good that you are already taking care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. There are many here in your corner, some with similar circumstances. Don't hesitate to lean on any of us for support! There is also a group just for Significant Others of addicts that is private if there is anything you'd like to share that you don't want public. Many SOs have their journals there for a little more privacy. It's up to you how much exposure or input you would like.

    Here is the link if you'd like to join or send me a PM and I can invite you. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?groups/sos-significant-others-support.18/
     
    Deleted Account and Square79 like this.
  6. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Thank you Ghostie, your texts always touch my heart. Thank you so much!

    how can I find out?
    He is still not in complete dismantling.. Every day new things come up, but he tells them by himself, assuring me that he was hiding and repressing these memories for and by himself! That it comes slowly to mind. Until now everyday he admitted something additional. So we are in the step of getting to the point where there are no lies and hidden things any more.
    This is very important to me. I want to know it all. All that happened. To restart again.


    I have my first session with the therapist today.. So I am a bit nervous but also grateful.

    Last night I cried a lot.. It hurts so much.. I was listening the song 1000 years.. And it touched me very deep..
    ....
    Heart beats fast
    Colors and promises
    How to be brave
    How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
    But watching you stand alone
    All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow
    One step closer
    I have died everyday, waiting for you
    Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
    I'll love you for a thousand more
    ...
     
  7. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    I take this plan from @Jagliana for my self:

    DAILY GOALS MET?
    • My husband has continued to be honest with me about his urges/triggers/full disclosure... :emoji_heavy_check_mark:
    • Reading information/watching videos about what I need for my own healing... :emoji_heavy_check_mark:
    • Have been making time to talk with my husband (w/odistractions) every day... :emoji_heavy_check_mark:
     
  8. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Tonight will be my husbands first session with the therapist.
    I really put high hopes in her
     
  9. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Good morning. Test results are in. No STD.

    Last night I was thinking, how foolish I was.. To allow him during the last years to pmo in this excessive amount. I knew he was doing it every day, and I always thought, he would regulate himself.
    Life he regulated himself with videos games, mobile phone silly games, Sudoku... It was all sometimes really high but then eventually stopped or regulated at a very low level.

    So I was trusting, this would be the case here.

    What a fatal error.

    Our Sex life was active and wonderful, we synched, all matched. I adored him, his body, his penis, his strong arms. I was absolutely happy. Enjoyed it a lot, it was great.

    And I thought, ok, he is really into porn, really loves it.. And I don't like to nag and moan. I liked it to give trust and freedom.

    All in vain as I now know. Unjustified.
    He was worth none of my trust.
    And how about worth my love? My life? He is beating it all up
     
  10. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    GhostWriter, post
    ---/
    No matter what, you will be a better stronger person in the end.
    Keep working it

    ----

    Thank you again, this gives me power to move on.

    Today I asked for his bank account details so I can check his cash withdraw and all credit card usage.
    Will be tough for me to go through it all.

    Was tough for him also... Because he is afraid of the outcome, too. As he was repressing these thoughts and facts all the time for his own brain!
    He wouldn't realize!
     
  11. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Monthly Cash withdrawal was a shock!
     
  12. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    It's okay to spend money..

    On my birthday he gave me a wonderful bunch of red roses. And he mentioned about three times, that he bought allll the roses in the store, and this was the most expensive flower bunch he ever purchased. And so on.
    He was like proud, spending this amount of money for me..

    In the same week he went twice to hookers spending 6 times the money of my roses on them with ease.

    This absolutely brain sick.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2018
  13. Thomas Smith 2

    Thomas Smith 2 Fapstronaut

    40
    13
    8
    How the heck does someone spend $20 every day at Starbucks for a whole year? Did she buy it for her office?
     
    self healing likes this.
  14. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    1,817
    3,891
    143
    You know there is more than just coffee there, right?
     
  15. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    1,817
    3,891
    143
    Wondering what your point here is?
     
  16. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    That sometimes you spent a lot of money for things you like!

    I can imagine she looved her tall vanilla frappucino in the morning with a bagel and the two chocolate muffin with a coffee in the afternoon. This is all fine. That helps her enjoy the day..
     
  17. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Not good.
    Feeling so weak, not a good mother to my children these days.
    I am sorry for them but I am so powerles, so wounded.

    For the long weekend (Sun-Tue) I organized a cottage in the nature for us, just the two of us, so we can ground.. Find ourselves, talk... Just the two of us, without distraction of everyday and kids. There is a restaurant nearby so we don't have to worry about preparing food..

    Both of us have lost on weight.. We don't eat a lot these days.

    I feel like something inside of me died.
     
  18. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Yesterday I was so angry after I found out how much money he spent each month. It was really more than I could think of, and he himself of course did not realize or never wanted to know.
    He always had a lot of money with him, so it wouldn't mind if some more or less. He was ignoring the details of what incredible sums went to the prostitutes.

    I got so angry, I even slapped his face, Although a peaceful person.. I just was so wounded, so shocked..

    He now has a little bruise with 3 stripes on his forehead.
    From the engagement ring, out wedding ring and the ring we bought after our first child was born.

    Sigh. it's like a friendly reminder in his face
     
  19. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    You are right.
    I had so much anger, felt so hopeless, and so wounded, so hurt. I was so aggressive in this moment. You know, aggression is there, where there are other underlying feelings hurt.

    All my feelings are hurt, I am seriously injured. It felt like a self defense.

    Of course it is not right. I am all-in with the peaceful Parenting, and all my actions are also a model for my children. I just could not help it, you know my husband could not help going to brothels regularly, and I could not help get giving him slaps on the face. This is no excuse, just an explanation.

    This night I read a book about Sexual addiction (this includes porn addiction). 400 pages, I am on page 3oo now. I know he is seriously addicted. And I want to help and support him to get this out of his life, our of our life!

    His little bruise will heal in a few days. He is the culprit, I am the victim.

    All the stress and feeling lost and betrayed all the years now make me: not a good mom for my little kids who need me, and also an aggressive, fearful, hollow, harsh, sleepless, depressed women.
     
  20. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    thinking to buy UNSTUCK
    Any reviews on that? Is it good?

     

Share This Page