Thanks @Rock_Star , I do agree with you and have thought about this before too. The separation consequence at the moment is to do with gaslighting, his M slip and stopping his check-ins. A while back we did make an agreement that when he's on a separation consequence that he can't just use it as an opportunity to sit back and watch TV and movies and that he needs to be doing his recovery work. I haven't implemented any consequences of my own in relation to the IA work yet. Lisa Weiss was saying that it shouldn't happen until after the 90 day period. For the most part he has been very committed to doing his IA work daily, talking with his IA partner daily and doing his 3 dailies and homework each day. After a big argument he let it all slide for a couple of weeks there and did very little. He didn't self correct either and or impose his own consequences. Even after me calling him out on it. I have already written a list of my own IA consequences and will start putting these boundaries in place, one at a time, as it says and start enforcing consequences if he doesn't pull himself up within the 24 hrs and self correct as he's supposed to, or implement his own consequence. And my consequences are exactly like what you said, massages etc...nothing about separation there in relation to the IA. The separation consequences are related to my other boundaries before we started the IA work, and it also gives me space and time away from him to reflect and work on myself. But I do really appreciated your feedback @Rock_Star and it makes me think more about specific boundary breeches like lack of communication, lack of intimacy etc and how the consequences could be directly related to working on those specific things too.