Hi Everyone, As I have begun to recover from betrayal trauma, overcome body shame, and face the many other challenges that one encounters as an "SO" I have learned a lot about myself that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. While I would never wish this experience on anyone I am grateful in a way for the opportunity to understand myself and others in ways I would have likely been too stubborn or stuck in my ways to do otherwise. I am not here to tell you how any of you should feel or act - I am here to share my own experience and some things I have learned that have helped me. Background on myself if it matters, if not please feel free to skip. Spoiler: no triggers, just non-essential My first "d-day" was about 3 years ago (only 6 months after we started dating, but I have known him for almost 10 years now, most of the time as friends. He holds a special place in my heart so I am not willing to give up the relationship so easily.) but most of the recovery for each of us has happened in the last 6 months. Currently I am struggling with body image more than anything else. The relationship recovery has been lagging behind but I am not so concerned with this fact at the moment - there will be time for that if/when we decide to continue to be together. We each want to be able to make the real choice to be in the relationship - to learn about ourselves and each other and then decide whether to recommit. That isn't to say things are peaceful - we still argue and I still feel angry and hurt many times. I don't exactly have a desire to go into further detail but these are at least the basics of my situation. I see a lot of posts that talk about betrayal trauma, addiction, negative impact of P on PAs and SOs, and other related topics but there are a lot of other types of ideas and concepts I have learned over time which have shaped the majority of my own recovery. I hope these ideas can be useful for others in situations similar to mine. Additionally, I hope this journal/thread can help provide me with motivation to more formally aggregate ideas and resources I have found (because I said I would, maybe something like accountability?), be a resource for myself to remember these ideas more easily in times of hardship and receive feedback from a community of people who I believe can relate at least somewhat. The most important part of this series of ideas is taking ownership and responsibility for my own feelings and actions without blame. I believe this is true for SOs and PAs alike. In taking responsibility and ownership of my feelings and actions and aligning my values with my actions I am able to develop self-efficacy and build a true sense of self-worth. This is not about letting the PA off the hook for the effects of their actions. I plan to write a post on a concept/idea periodically. If this can be helpful for at least one other person I would be grateful.