To be honest, I don't like writing journals. I'm a bit disorganised and don't like to commit myself to writing things in a journal where I mostly probably will keep on saying the same things over and over again. However after relapsing yesterday, I noticed I need a change, I have to keep fighting. And in my opinion keep on fighting means to keep on looking for things you can do to overcome your addiction. I'm sure writing a journal won't be the key to stopping PMO, but it might help me with seeing my own progress (if there is any) and getting motivation from the people who are rooting for me So this is day 1 then, not in a good mood. Feel terrible after yesterday, but want to keep going. I'll try to get through this day first. And most importantly, I'll try to keep my eyes on God.
Day 3. Urges, but didn't give in. Was blessed by a couple of things that happend just before wanting to watch PMO. Day 4: relapsed Would have wanted to start of better... Things that might have caused relapse: 1.Watched too much youtube these two days 2. getting stress by the thought of getting temptations (this is a weird one, but it felt like this time I started watching P without even being really tempted, it migth have been boredom but is felt more like me being afraid of getting tempted so watch PMO before that happens. really really stupid way of thinking, I know) 3. Just finished an important assignment which made me relaxed, this led to me saying I could do some stufff for myself which in turn let to relapse Strategies for next time: 1. Only watch youtube when you specifically want to look up an video, don't do it out of boredom! (I've had this plan a couple of times already, but when time passes I always seem to loosen my strictness on this, so I've gotta keep hammering this in) 2. Make a schedule before starting the day, this way the chance of boredom will be smaller, considering how many things actually have to be done. 3. Try not to get caught up in thinking. Keep it simple, God loves you and he wouldn't want you to PMO, so don't watch it!! ughhh well here we go again: day 0
Welcome! I didnt start a journal either lol.. But I update my status everyday, I comment some threads, I chat with some allies everyday.. Thats the way I improve my countibilty "journey" It works for me.. { Also I joined Fortify and put blockers.. Did you already do it? Fight this battle! I hope you can reach your first goal one day at a time!
Hey mexfighter, thanks for your kind message and advice. I also like to chat with my AP's, haven't done the status change thing yet though, probably don't even know how to do it haha. What do you mean with Fortify? As for blockers I made some things harder to get around with on pc and mobile but it doesn't help much honeslty, because when I am tempted I know how I set these things up so could get around them anyway. I've heard a2u is a great program that makes it possible for someone else to see what websites your on, but I'm still a bit hesitant on using this. The money certaintly puts it off, but if i am completely honest I don't think it's the issue of money. I suposse I am just not ready yet to share this adiction of mine with everyone and am afraid that if I have a2u my mother will start noticing things (since I'm living at home these days because of the corona virus. Maybe this is a sign that I am not willing enough yet, but I'd first like to keep fighting without a2u because eventually imo the most important thing is to keep living with God every day.
Day 1 feeling good, ready to go again. mexfighter mentioned soemthing about reaching my goal. I just realised I actually don't have a goal atm. So I'll set it to 7 days, this will be my first goal
Don’t be ashamed about installing the accountability software. Having someone else know what your looking at can act as a deterrent. Besides God sees everything.
I agree. It isn't really shame though (I mean I told my father about it). It's more that I know my mother can worry a lot and I don't want her to know this and start being extremely worried. I think that won't affect me in a good way
Hey, yeah I was talking about your first and realistic goal.. 7 days is perfect! Fortify is a tracker/community app for addicts on PMO. Got cha. Actually I had my first relapse since I joined this site lastnight.. and I did that.. I just turn off the blockers soooo easy.. ((( I didt share it with everyone but my family and my bestfriend.. I think if you already did it with your dad then ask him to keep asking about your journey.. Anyway.. I hope you can reach your 7 days goal and then keep trying.. Just dont get tired of try.. I recommend the book: The SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION way to quit porn.. Its a short book but good to start! ..
ahh man, sorry to hear that. I hope my comment on nofap wasn't the cause of you turning of the blockers... In any case today is a new day and we are all on the same page, which is fighting for today and keeping our eyes on God Thanks for the recommendation, I'll check it out once I've some time!
Day 2 : Having a good mood, looking forward to working on things. Yesterday spend some time on youtube again, but way less than first. I'll try to keep telling myself only to watch specific videos, it should become a habit
Day 3； Had some urges yesterday but didnt pay attention to them. Kept doing other stuff and they eventually faded away.
Day 6/7: Terrible days, edged twice, stopped twice stuggeling throughout only to relapse early morning. Couldn't get the temptation out of my head. Day1/2: Slow start, feeling tired but am trusting that God will help me. Also veel very stressed about all the schoolwork I have to do recently. Secured my mobile to the extend that it's not possible to open up the web browser unless I spend around 10-15 minutes unlcoking it, I hope this will help.
Day 3: I'd like to take a break from the internet wholly untill next monday, so won't be writing messages on here, untill then!
