Journey to find happiness and learning to dream again.

I am a about a month away from my 17th birthday and my life is in deep shit, in my opinion.
I am an addict and have been masturbating for 6 years, the first three unknowingly and the rest in the false pride of being so smart and knowledgeable about sex that I used to say what i heard that masturbation is a natural thing and everybody watches porn even though the people around me were vary.
I have spent the last 4 years of my life in a constant state of subtle depression , transforming to the usual doomer.
I have missed out on happiness in my school years in the moments that i took part in because my brain was affected by the dopamine imbalance due to PMO.
In the last year of my schooling I have now finally decided to stop lying to myself and try improve.
I was introduced to nofap along with the redpill as i think most people are and the redpill philosophies have caused me more depression ans i can't see myself as the adequate man and the facts about hypergamy and adultery and alpha males cause me great depression due to the fear of facing them.
Even though not living in the west when i see how the women repond in youtube videos i feel all hope draining and feeling inadequate and insecure due to my various flaws.
This year I hope to study well and do good on my final exams ans take an year off to prepare for entrance exams.
I don't know what this journey will entail but it is my only ray of sunshine, a hope that maybe life is still worth living.
I hope the 'elders' of this community will guide me and help me by giving me beneficial advice. I shall write more.

 

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