Just been caught.

Day 51. Feeling a tad better. Very busy with work and ministry. I expect opportunities for masturbating will be few and far between this weekend. Will keep my guard up but weekdays rather than weekends have been when I've succumbed in recent tears
 
Greetings Pastor,

Reading your journey has been inspiring so far. While the change didn't happen for you overnight, you seem serious about this and made some resolutions quicker than I've seen most do. What's been your driving force in stopping this habit? And how have you been able to fight you urges so consistently?

Blessings to you and yours
 
SirQwerty said:
Greetings Pastor,

Reading your journey has been inspiring so far. While the change didn't happen for you overnight, you seem serious about this and made some resolutions quicker than I've seen most do. What's been your driving force in stopping this habit? And how have you been able to fight you urges so consistently?

Blessings to you and yours
Click to expand...
SirQwerty thanks for the encouragement. I think there might be a couple of things from previous journals you might not be aware of:

-I first joined nofap in 2019 and I was trying to quit long before then. So it's been a long journey.
- I have never really been Into porn (although p subs have been used). My bigger issue has been straight masturbation which began when I was 11. At the risk of sounding self righteous I think that I probably wasn't as far gone as some here and it made my recovery quicker.
- I had a 500 day streak in 2021-22 so I have walked this path before.
- I very much consider masturbating to be a sin that must be repented of. I don't entertain any ideas about moderation.
- The shame of being caught was horrific. I really think that has driven me. I know that shame is considered bad in nofap. And I'd agree we must overcome shame to confess and bring our struggles to light. But so often the anti shame rhetoric in this forum is actually shamelessness. This leads to indifference which leads to relapse. Shame can be helpful.
 
Day 53. The wife is quite burnt out from caring for our 3 kids solo while I've been sick in bed. I expect to step up this week and give her a break. I'm at about 80% recovered. So happy I didn't madturbate in this difficult week. I actually didn't feel any major urges
 
Day 54. Feeling much better but swamped in a pile of work. Wife is sick too now so I will need to manage work with caring for her.

I found myself craving sex this morning. I am going to need to be realistic and expect its not going to happen for a few days. I will come on this forum again if I am feeling the urge to relapse.
 
Day 55. The illness is lingering and it is hard to concentrate. My mother in law is staying with us from the USA so the house will be busier and noisier for the next few weeks. Not that it is particularly hard atm but this kind of distraction will make it easier still.
 
Day 56. I have decided this will be my last entry in this journal. I would like to move it into the 30-39 section but the interface wont allow. I am hoping with my new journal in the proper section there will be a little more engagement.

If you have been following my journey thus far and would like to continue, i can be followed at https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/unchoking-the-chicken.367922/

Blessings to you all.
 
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