Rain&Glitter
New Fapstronaut
Uh, this is a bit awkward for me, but hi, im Rain&Glitter i'm 26, and i just saw this reddit and website, read the information and this problem is somthing i have been trying to get under control for years with varying results.
You see, I'm a dude that likes dudes (dont really care for labels), i'm also religious. (its complicated)
I learned about masterbation when i was about 8 or 9, my older sisters bf at the time talked to me about it, which is where i had my first erection. (that i remember, also no he did not molest me, it was just a very weird situation. He was kind of a creep but he was only 15 i hope he grew out of it)
I didnt actually learn how to do it till about 11, Then I found porn when i was probably 12, it started with soft core things on cable and HBO, then i somthing from a family members secret video stash. then a year or two i discovered hentai and yaoi, which really boosted things cause ive always loved anime. But at the time i didnt have internet in my house and most people still had crappy phones that weren't capable to stream vids, i started looking for was to satisfy my wants, i found a chat room that my phone could access, started sending pics with other kids (this is way before sexting was a thing) i started experimenting with my best friend. (we still are best friends, though both of us agree porn and stuff did some major damage to us) anyway then when i got a better phone and actual high speed internet, things escalated, to say the least. For years i have been in an internal struggle, fapping and porn have wrecked my conscience and have deeply distorted my view of sex in a healthy relationship. These days i am way more driven by lust then actively getting involved emotionally with someone, in short seeing others as a means to an end then actual people. I meet (mostly straight) guys as friends, colleagues, or spiritual brothers, (worse, somtimes pupils) and when i find them attractive i am filled with this lust that is inappropriate and damaging to our friendships. Its kinda funny cause my outside personality is this, somewhat intelligent, funny, friendly guy, who has his life together, but then there is this shadow of hypocrisy and lack of self control. (who on very bad days can fap multiple times a day while wasting hours looking at porn) sorry this is so long, but i've never told anyone this stuff and it feels good to get it off my chest. I am tired of living this way, and im glad i found this community, i hope i can kick this addiction.
I will definitely be looking to you guys for encouragment!
You see, I'm a dude that likes dudes (dont really care for labels), i'm also religious. (its complicated)
I learned about masterbation when i was about 8 or 9, my older sisters bf at the time talked to me about it, which is where i had my first erection. (that i remember, also no he did not molest me, it was just a very weird situation. He was kind of a creep but he was only 15 i hope he grew out of it)
I didnt actually learn how to do it till about 11, Then I found porn when i was probably 12, it started with soft core things on cable and HBO, then i somthing from a family members secret video stash. then a year or two i discovered hentai and yaoi, which really boosted things cause ive always loved anime. But at the time i didnt have internet in my house and most people still had crappy phones that weren't capable to stream vids, i started looking for was to satisfy my wants, i found a chat room that my phone could access, started sending pics with other kids (this is way before sexting was a thing) i started experimenting with my best friend. (we still are best friends, though both of us agree porn and stuff did some major damage to us) anyway then when i got a better phone and actual high speed internet, things escalated, to say the least. For years i have been in an internal struggle, fapping and porn have wrecked my conscience and have deeply distorted my view of sex in a healthy relationship. These days i am way more driven by lust then actively getting involved emotionally with someone, in short seeing others as a means to an end then actual people. I meet (mostly straight) guys as friends, colleagues, or spiritual brothers, (worse, somtimes pupils) and when i find them attractive i am filled with this lust that is inappropriate and damaging to our friendships. Its kinda funny cause my outside personality is this, somewhat intelligent, funny, friendly guy, who has his life together, but then there is this shadow of hypocrisy and lack of self control. (who on very bad days can fap multiple times a day while wasting hours looking at porn) sorry this is so long, but i've never told anyone this stuff and it feels good to get it off my chest. I am tired of living this way, and im glad i found this community, i hope i can kick this addiction.
I will definitely be looking to you guys for encouragment!
