Just found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me for probably the past 5 years....

This sucks. Absolutely sucks that your longtime gf is cheating and for some time now.

I think making preparations to separate is wide. Therapy is also a good idea.

you need to confront her about the cheating. Only way to get out in the open, find out why, end the relationship and get closure. Better sooner than later. If it’s your place, kick her out. If it’s her place, crash somewhere till you get a new place.

waiting to confront her is probably going to slowly eat you up.

 

Sounds like she may be an addict as well. Either a sex addict or love addict.

 

I'm not going to be kind or speak like your family did with bias/sympathetic speech's. The only way for you to react is to listen to the plain truth, not matter how cruel and hard to listen it is. I also was cheated once and have a lot of experience in relationship to try and give you some guidance to get your shit together and begin to heal after this f*k up situation. Here we go..

Yes it is.

She fucked up big time, she need to move out of the apartment right now. Be a f*king man, she disrespect you in the worst way she can do and you are still putting up with it and living with her like nothing happened. Ask her to leave, if she refuses take your name off the lease and move out within 1 week. Crash on your parents place.. some friend place.. a hotel.. it doesn't matter get out of there. Don't spend another minute with her, remove her completely from your life. It's the only way to begin to heal, the only way to move on with your life. Living with her for 90 days is going to be an agony for you, don't do that to yourself.

This is a very understandable feeling in you situation, I've been there but eventually I regained trust in woman and started new relationships.

There are woman that when their needs are not been met in a relationship they start to align a replacement and when they found one they cheat on you without any remorse. This is normally the behavior of a damaged girl that can't break up with you in a healthy way, take a time to heal and then start again to date.
They always need to be dating someone, they are not happy been alone.. when their current boy is not enough for her.. they just simply cheat..
If you have been cheated on every relationship, means that your partners are not respecting you as a partner and they are also cheater. So you need to work on what are you doing in the relationship to make them not respect you (that typically happen to the "nice guys" that let the woman walk all over them on the relationship) and start to choose better woman, read better red flags, etc.

If you think it's going to help then give it a go.

Worst thing you can do, you are not standing up for you and you know it is wrong and it's eating you alive. You are suffering in silence.

That's because she have no respect for you at all, she cheated on you repetitively for years.. it wasn't a drunk kiss in a bar.. it's years of cheating on you with different guys.

She cheated for years.. she is going to keep doing it. why? she cheated on you, you find out and nothing happens! you are still living together.. you are acting like nothing happens. She make a hugh f*k up and had no punishment for it, she get away with years of cheating and you did nothing. This is going to make her more comfortable about cheating on you, her respect for you as a man at this point is none-existing. She is going to cheat on you even more than before, that's a fact..

It is your fault to not met her needs, yes it is. It is your fault she cheated on you? of course not! if she is not happy in the relationship she need to break up with you and move on, that's what a healthy woman will do... but a damaged woman is going to just cheat on you and blame you for it. She is not going to take responsibility on it, just it is the way she is.

This is what people with good communication skills do.

And every time you just got over it, you just do what she wanted to keep her with you, that's weak and make her not respect you. Maybe if you start to stand up for what you want and don't let woman walk all over you like this, maybe they are going to respect you more and don't cheat on you.

I totally agree with you in this statement.

More lies.. she is trying to make it look less bad than what it is... at the end of the day, cheating is cheating. Of course she f*d all that guys up.. you have all the evidence in the word she cheated, she confessed it to you and not only she never apologize for it she had the audacity to tell you to get over it like it was nothing and you are crazy.

Then do it, kick her out or leave but don't wait. do it rights now, she is a lost cause and is draining your life away every minute you spend living with her.

Hope you get a little shaken by my words and start making actions for you to get better.
Good luck!!

 

Oh, she only had oral sex? Well that doesn’t count, now does it...

Her unwillingness to come clean, be honest or refrain from arguing/get over it behavior clearly means she has no intention to work things out.

as @Psalm27:1my light points out, she may have a problem deeper than just infidelity.

mat any rate, I think your decision to end it and move on is correct. It sucks, but sometimes it’s the only choice.

 

@johndoeplaceholder

Reading your posts, I see a man who sucks at setting boundaries. Maybe he doesn't value himself highly enough to tell other people - especially his gf - how he wants to he treated.

I suck(ed) at setting boundaries too. I was afraid it would damage my relationship with my wife. Turns out it's the opposite. Setting boundaries has actually brought out a version of her that I really, really like.

Your relationship with this woman is probably over. You can't trust her. Do what you gotta do.

But don't forget that you will take your same codependent, poor-boindaries-setting self into any relationship. Find somewhere to work on that. You can find resources on YouTube. DM me if you'd like some suggestions on what helped me.

 

Hey!

I'll give you some good free advice this morning my friend.

First off, don't obsess over whether you have HPV? lol. If you do have it - it will never go away. If you don't, you will soon enough. You only live once man. Until you get a full on outbreak of warts all over your d*** just relax about that because (ESPECIALLY) because this virus like all viruses is suppressed by a healthy immune system not overburdened by stress or distress. If you've been brainwashed into thinking you now have to warn every partner in your life that you may have been exposed to HPV you're a total nerd.

Second. THE STREETS. Do - you - get - what - I - am - saying - bro - ?
When I was in my mid 20s I went all crusade on my long time gf as I started going through her phones and shit finding more and more older evidence of her unfaithful ways. Don't let it send you into any kind of spiral. Grow up and accept that women / people are like this, for a bit, and that the only thing you can ever do about it is CHOOSE CAREFULLY. Don't buy any crap about "not all ______", EVER, because yes, ALL people have the capacity to be tremendously good and tremendously bad. So just choose carefully.

Last free advices - you will feel better about yourself if you announce your departure in advance and stick to it as long as you don't put yourself at risk from some kind of petty retaliation. Ghosting a situation is not respectable even if it is common. Kicking her out is also an option but only if she is decent enough to not be petty about it DON'T GET INTO A BATTLE WITH THIS PERSON she already betrayed you and is failing at placating the situation. You could find yourself in a frenzy of cops and lawyers before you even realize it.

 

Funny, but this is exactly what the SO's are dealing with from the PA's. Reverse the roles and see that she has a problem too and is gaslighting you like a PA would do to their SO. You are both better off without each other. Focus on healing yourself and let her deal with her issues on her own too. Best of luck to you!

 

of course that's all that happened.

 

Stay NoFap brother.. you'll get through this.. my advice is to get blowjobs from her and nut on her face as often as you can before you move out.. that's wat I would do.. all while moving on with my life, I hope you never watch porn again or masturbate anymore.. you don't need it, your life will change forsure and you will find that faithful girl one day...

 

That seems like poor advice - both from a "good person" perspective and an addict perspective.

 

bro when was the last time you flapped?

 

wrong he"ll feel better.. he needs to honestly all while never jackin it... no telling when he's gonna get over this but don't let these bad apples spoil you and make you depressed and pmo you gotta man up.. ghost her if you want to.. you choice just DON'T JACK OFF.... sex her if you need to but distance yourself because the relationship is over bruh it's never gonna leave your mind what she did

 

He'll feel better in the same way that looking at porn will make him feel better. It would be bad advice to tell a woman who's husband has been looking at porn or paying money via onlyfans - creating betrayal trauma and emotional separation - to write him off and get sexual revenge and ghost him. It's similarly bad advice to tell a man the same advice who is experiencing the same emotions.

It's not going to help him in the long term - it's not going to help him process things.

 

it's rude for her to cheat... and it wouldn't create tension if he just used her for sex until he left.. he doesn't even have to argue with her he's already ghosting her it sounds like he's good at hiding his emotion anyways so what's a few parting blowjobs and a facial gonna hurt.. fuck her feelings anyways

 

HOLY SHIT NOOOOO. You have to talk about this, but try to avoid being confrontational and have a straightforward discussion. Ignoring or suppressing your feelings is a massive no-no. Plus eventually she will probably find out that you know anyway. You don't have to stay in the relationship, but after knowing this person (I'm assuming you like her or possibly love her) for 5 years it would be weird to just walk away and say nothing. At least get an explanation or something.

 

Please don’t do like Will Smith.

 

I would move as you are planning to get a fresh start and fresh scenery. I'm on the edge as to whether you should give her a heads-up (the mature thing to do) or just last minute notice (seeming all she deserves) - your choice. I would try to spend the remaining time as drama free and especially not inject any hate or guile or venom in the situation, as rightful anger or even revenge, right now. Try to take an upper road so that you won't regret any bad actions later. I also would just focus on your schooling right now and perhaps bettering yourself in any other way, including PMO recovery, if that's an issue for you here. I wouldn't think about another relationship right now or in the near future even - it may prove to be just a rebound or another dysfunctional pattern once again. If you think you could benefit from some therapy, you may consider that, too, after you get established elsewhere.

Best wishes!