Just getting started

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by daddyohh, Sep 28, 2020.

  1. daddyohh

    daddyohh Fapstronaut

    [ Note, I joined and immediately posted some of this in what was probably the wrong forum, without really looking around first. This seems like a better place for me to start. ]

    OK, I've tried to quit lots of times but maybe this time for real? I'm 63 and have been using porn for many decades. It's gotten worse the last few years, possibly related to multiple stress factors from other family members (deaths, illness, substance abuse, incarceration). Recent circumstances put me apart from my wife for several weeks and alone in the house. (No marital issues, just unrelated circumstances with second home.) PMO got thoroughly out of control by 5 weeks in. Finally got fed up with myself. No P, M, or O for 11 days now. Have even managed to avoid “impure thoughts” (any George Carlin fans?) and soft core/mainstream visual stimulation.

    I'll reunite with my family in a few days. I have no plans to refrain from sex with my wife when I get back—she’ll expect it, she deserves it, and we do it fairly well together, although I do usually fantasize porn scenarios to O. I know that fantasizing like that is problematic. I'm hopeful that refraining from PMO for two weeks prior to seeing my wife will leave me a little more sensitive to ordinary sexual stimuli and I'll be able to make it "over the hump" to O without going anywhere in my head. I've had at least temporary success with that in the past. I've just never refrained from PMO long enough to know if I can sustain it.

    I don't know what the general consensus is on this issue, but I really don't want to make my wife aware of the extent of my issues. Maybe that's problematic. She knows I use porn, and when I've been away from it a substantial amount of time I may very well tell her that I've stopped, and that it isn't/wasn't easy, but I don't want to characterize it to her as a full blown addiction (which is what it feels like to me). Obviously this is self-serving in many ways, but I honestly think it would deeply injure my wife to have yet another addict in the family. She's already suffering daily from other addiction-related trauma in her/our life (her kids, my kids, others in extended family). If I can get and keep my shit mostly together without involving her, that would be ideal.

    I suppose 11 days isn’t very long, but I'm not experiencing any obvious benefits to NoFap just yet, except maybe from using that time a little more productively. Still kinda depressed (see stress factors above), still slow to get moving or accomplish anything, no real changes in my outlook. It will be interesting to see how it goes once I'm back with the family in my normal environment. I'm not sure how long I’ll last but I expect a relapse would be pretty complete if I let it happen, and I don't want to go back where I was 11 days ago.

    One day at a time. White knuckles
    Jefe Rojo and palindromo like this.
  2. palindromo

    palindromo Fapstronaut

    Welcome ,
    you're doing a great work,
    you don't have to tell her if you don't want...
    i wish you good luck
    daddyohh and One Eyed Owl like this.
  3. One Eyed Owl

    One Eyed Owl Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap!!!
    daddyohh and palindromo like this.
  4. daddyohh

    daddyohh Fapstronaut

    I’m home now. Still “sober”. Had a very nice bout of “reunion sex” with my bride, and managed to avoid any porn fantasy. Orgasming was easy enough thankfully.

    It’s more difficult being home than where I had been the last several weeks, because so many stress factors are right in my face now. (Boomerang “kids” living here, and other issues.) I know that historically, anger, frustration, and depression are triggers for me to “escape” via PMO. Gotta hold on a little tighter now if I’m going to avoid relapse.

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