Just lost my virginity at 22

Obviously this contains explicit details, I'm not sure if that is appropriate here but just issuing a fair warning.

Spoiler

I honestly thought it would never happen, it was kind of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. I had gone almost 23 years (turning 23 in May) without so much as kissing a girl. But a few days ago I put up a post on Whisper app about being a nearly 23 year old virgin, and after awhile a girl responded. We messaged for a few days and shot some pics back and forth, and she ended up coming to my house yesterday afternoon.

She's 24 and in an open relationship, apparently has been with 11 guys. Suffers from major depression and said she uses sex as a means of self medication. Very friendly and kind, a lot nicer than a girl I ended up with for my first time could have been.

After taking a shower, cleaning my apartment a bit, and lighting some incense in the bedroom, she came over, I took her to my bedroom, I took off my clothes and we started making out. The first thing that was apparent to me is how much more intimate real sex is as opposed to PMO, there is a lot more touch involved and I am told women respond a lot more to touch than men and it was interesting to hear and see how she responded. She liked being bitten lightly, she told me, and quickly I picked up on how she enjoyed being bitten, kissed and licked on her neck. I removed her bra and started sucking gently on her tits, seeing them get hard was an indication to me that I was doing something right.

Eventually I moved my hand down her panties and started fingering her before sliding off her pants completely. She gradually became very wet and she invited me to try to eat her out. Apparently I am really good at it lol and she said I was a natural, far from her worst time. She had to move my hand a couple times to show me what to do but on the whole I figured it out pretty quick.

The only issue was my cock. I'm not sure whether it was just nerves or leftover PMO damage, but even with blowjobs and handjobs, I failed to get hard enough cum and even really to stay inside of her hard. It had been 7 days only since I last jerked off and also busted a nut, honestly I was surprised I didn't blow right away. I didn't mind because I was just enjoying it all so much, and she didn't mind either and was polite about it, but it was something in the back of my mind that I need to work on and want to fix. She felt a little bad that I made her come 5 times in 4 hours and I didn't get anything.

As someone who was raised a Catholic and told to wait until marriage I was initially conflicted about this, however, both abstinence and the desire to lose my virginity were becoming near madness in my mind and I decided I wanted to just make a decision. We plan to get together at least once more, I want to gain experience with a couple girls maybe a handful of times and then have a better idea of sex after healing completely from PMO and go on to be in a relationship.

 

You're right, it changes almost nothing, apart from having experience and then knowing what else you would want in a relationship. There's a certain void that is present there if it's just a FWB or whatever instead of a girl you love and that's what I'd want to fix when I fall in love. Quitting PMO forever is still a good step in that direction because it's far different than sex.

I haven't regretted it a lot, only a little bit, but you have to realize that's just another attachment and you have to let it all go.

Sorry for the triggers. The whole damn thing is a spoiler now lol

 

It's a nice idea but kind of unrealistic yes. I had had these idealistic dreams about the same thing of losing it to my wife, but here's a couple things : you don't want to be in a relationship for sex, and you also don't want to enter such a commitment without an idea of your sexual compatibility. I think more realistic is have a few hookups or whatever to get an idea of what you are doing so you can please a future partner, stay on your PMO grind, then meet a girl you love and having sex with her when the time is right. And despite the Christian stigma, I do not believe that makes you a bad person. What does is intent to harm others. I'm a Buddhist, not a Christian; they're more progressive on sexuality than many other religions.

Why do you think hardcore Christian couples marry at like 20? It's so they can have sex without the stigma attached. That is far too young IMO and if that is such a part of the reason you might as well have a few times of casual sex if it means a more genuine relationship later.

 

On the bright side, even in my week of abstinence from jerking off and having sex instead, I've noticed morning wood comes back. I think it has to do with the fact that fapping and especially to porn is highly unnatural and screws up your sex drive and libido. The ED risk ain't worth it folks