Just Relapse, Need Advice (plus a little pathetic love story. wall of text!!!)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by crazycats, Mar 6, 2019.

  1. crazycats

    crazycats Fapstronaut

    Fortunately, it's not because of porn. But relapse is still relapse.

    I've been on my 9th day here in NoFap, everything works fine. Yes, there is urge here and there, but I can tackle it just fine. Until today.

    It's not because I have a huge desire to fap/sex.

    It's stress. Not because heavy workload. Not because of having bad grades. But it's kinda personal. I want to know how you guys cope with these kind of stress.

    The girl that I love, not only rejects my feeling (yes I confess to her few weeks ago), she also thinks that I act childish, immature for her. She even compared me to previous guy that she also reject a few months before me, and thinking that I am less mature than that guy.
    The logical and mature response to this will be to tough myself up, prove myself that I am a man and mature. But her statement hurt me so deep. I am fine with her rejecting me, but I still can't believe that she called me childish while there are tons of men out there being a d*ck and unfaithful c*nts towards her, regardless of their "matureness". Yet she still respect and for some reason, love one of them despite that man treating her like sh*t.

    And yes, probably I am childish. I chose the easiest path, a quick fix to my mood. I fap. Just a couple of hours ago, I let go all of positive results I earned from mere 9 days of NoFap just because of her statement ruined my mood.

    Many of you here are older than me, and have tons of experience in love life. Can you guys give suggestion to me on how to cope with this situation? And since you are here in NoFap, how you guys managed to stop yourself from relapsing because of heartbreak/these kind of problems?

    I am quite happy that recently I feel more confident, happy, and highly motivated. I set my target to 90 days free of PM. I thought I can do it. But damn why these problems have to haunt me when I am focus on my mental well being.

    In case you want to know more, here an almost complete story of how her relationship with me and how it hurts me, if not skip it. It's just another failed love story. My main question is up there, not this one :

    She is a good girl. It's just she is surrounded with bad boys (not all of them tho) , probably because she is beautiful and charming. I still love her. Don't worry, I am thinking on how to move on from her, it's no use of pursuing her after I got rejected. She is very beautiful, well-endowed, and kind to everyone. In fact, many of men around me talk dirty about her body (don't want to trigger you on this one, but let me say it clearly, she has the biggest breast out of all people I saw on my campus. Pretty sure there are 10k people or maybe more I've seen so far in my 4 years life in campus) on daily basis, it angers me to the point I really want to punch them in the face. The reality that she respects and feel more comfortable with those "men" really makes me sad. In fact, she is in love with one of them, a man that is unfaithful and constantly treat her like sh*t. Probably I am not handsome enough for her or having good saint personality, but I am confident that I have better attitude compared to those men who treat her like trash.
    I got rejected around late January/early February. After I got rejected by her, I do not want to be friends with her (at least until I recovered from the pain of rejection) and I say it clearly to her that I need to take a distance from her. The reason I need to take distance, other than the pain from rejection, is she always surrounded by men that tease her 24/7. I can't stand being with her , especially with constant feeling of jealousy from her interaction with those boys. I never receive the same treatment as she give to those men. They laugh together, even though deep inside she probably knows that some of those men are assh*le. Meanwhile she treats me like I am some kind of cameo in her life, not that important enough for her. Every time she calls me, mostly because she need tech support (yeah I am that computer guy, just don't put that stereotype of obese unsocial man in your head. I am healthy and exercise far more than average citizen of my country) or it's because A is not responding to her text, B is MIA, C is not available to take accompany her, etc. In other words, I am always become the last man she need, the last option, except for tech stuffs. Yet I still love her despite all of these clear signs of rejection. How stupid of me.
    Today, she said via her friend that she is not comfortable with me and thinking that I am immature. It really breaks my heart. My ex used to be very grateful on having a boyfriend like me, yet this woman treat me like I am some kind of weird guy (despite I never act creepy or stalk her). It's sad that she respect those men that treat her like trash, while I who truly care for her is considered childish and immature. Maybe it's true, but still... when someone that you love, for some reason choose someone that logically worse than you, it hurts you so deep that makes me think "if she think that A, a scumbag, is better, then probably I am the worst". Am I misjudge others? Am I overestimate my own quality? Or am I just a typical nice guy? I keep asking myself what is wrong with me... then I realize the fastest solution out of this misery... I fap.

    Well, I am going to regret posting this. If moderators want to take down this thread because it is too long and talking a lot more about my personal problem than NoFap itself, it's okay. I understand. Meanwhile, thanks for reading. I appreciate constructive comments. You may attack me for my stupidity, but until then let's try to keep the discussion civil and on topic. The main problem is not down here, it's the emphasized bold text up there. Sorry for my bad english.

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