Just successfully completed 90-day PMO

U

ugalanda

Fapstronaut
No one who goes to A.A. or N.A and stays clean for 90 days thinks, OK, Now I can finally have a drink, or Now I can finally shoot up again. So why should I feel I have a license to look at porn simply because I've gone 90 days without it?

I think the next 5 days will be the toughest now that I've successfully completed the 90-day PMO challenge. So today I'll start a 5-day challenge. I think that will get me over the hump. And during the next 5 days I can think about how long the next "challenge" should be (or about whether I should focus on streaks at all).

Actually, I'm a little surprised to be in this situation. I really didn't think I'd make it to 90 days.

OK, starting a new 5-day challenge right now, as a kind of bridge to a longer one.

I am worried about the next several days though so I just booked a very cheap, mini "staycation" (I'm sorry, I hate that word too, but the place is only about 1 hr away). I'll be keeping myself busy, plus it's almost impossible to watch porn in the place I'll be staying.
 
Congrats on 90 days! great acheivment.

But actually it's extremly common in 12 step programmes for people to have those thoughts after reaching a milestone. It's okay and totally normal and common to have those thoughts, what matters is how you act on them. It soulnds like you got a good plan for getting through this period. You got this man.
 
The Hard Goodbye said:
Congrats on 90 days! great acheivment.

But actually it's extremly common in 12 step programmes for people to have those thoughts after reaching a milestone. It's okay and totally normal and common to have those thoughts, what matters is how you act on them. It soulnds like you got a good plan for getting through this period. You got this man.
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Thanks a lot for your point about the 12 step programs and for your encouragement. I really appreciate it. Yesterday was tough but I'm feeling a lot more focused and confident now.
 
Well done @ugalanda - that’s great news. And you’re right, whenever I’ve set a target and reach it, it almost feels like a license to relapse.

I always wondered how to get past that bridge. But your idea is a good one. A small 5 day target to give you time to build upwards.

Keep going strong and do share any tips/advice you learnt to get to the 90 days
 
Hurting123 said:
Well done @ugalanda - that’s great news. And you’re right, whenever I’ve set a target and reach it, it almost feels like a license to relapse.

I always wondered how to get past that bridge. But your idea is a good one. A small 5 day target to give you time to build upwards.

Keep going strong and do share any tips/advice you learnt to get to the 90 days
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Thanks a lot. Honestly though, today's been tough. I'm out of town but still thought a lot about porn.

Finally, to break out of the porn mindset altogether, I asked the receptionist at my little hotel out to dinner. She didn't understand me (language barrier) or pretended not to, but at least it had the effect of pushing me off the porn path. I'd rather be turned down (or misunderstood) by a real woman than waste time watching videos of other people having s€x.

Now I'm watching a boring movie in my hotel room but feeling calm and OK. So I guess that's my only advice for the moment. Not, Watch a boring movie, but rather, Talk to a real woman even if rejection is 99% sure.

Thanks again for commenting.
 
TheFlash123 said:
Congrats for the progress
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Thanks, but I don't deserve it. Just binge watched when I got home from work. I made it a little beyond the 90 day challenge, then failed on day 94. It's funny, I felt fairly confident last night, but something that happened today threw me off balance and I used that as an excuse. Gotta think of a new approach.
 
You did great to get to 90 days. I think if you can hold on and get through this then a single setback after 90 days shouldn’t reset the counter in my eyes.

Of course if you continue multiple time then it might, but a small stumble doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything.

Stay strong and push through and you might be surprised
 
Hurting123 said:
You did great to get to 90 days. I think if you can hold on and get through this then a single setback after 90 days shouldn’t reset the counter in my eyes.

Of course if you continue multiple time then it might, but a small stumble doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything.

Stay strong and push through and you might be surprised
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Thanks for the words of encouragement. I think I will reset the counter though, because it was more of a binge than a peek, but today I'm starting on a new, 120 day PMO "challenge" (if I made it through 90 days I can probably do it). Meanwhile I'll try to think of effective ways to avoid relapsing, both during the 120 days, and, if I'm successful, after that too.
 
ugalanda said:
No one who goes to A.A. or N.A and stays clean for 90 days thinks, OK, Now I can finally have a drink, or Now I can finally shoot up again. So why should I feel I have a license to look at porn simply because I've gone 90 days without it?

I think the next 5 days will be the toughest now that I've successfully completed the 90-day PMO challenge. So today I'll start a 5-day challenge. I think that will get me over the hump. And during the next 5 days I can think about how long the next "challenge" should be (or about whether I should focus on streaks at all).

Actually, I'm a little surprised to be in this situation. I really didn't think I'd make it to 90 days.

OK, starting a new 5-day challenge right now, as a kind of bridge to a longer one.

I am worried about the next several days though so I just booked a very cheap, mini "staycation" (I'm sorry, I hate that word too, but the place is only about 1 hr away). I'll be keeping myself busy, plus it's almost impossible to watch porn in the place I'll be staying.
Click to expand...
Hermano felicidades por esos 90 días
Pero tómalo como un punto de inflexión en tu vida , estás lejos de lo que eras antes viví tu vida enfócate en eso no cuentes más dias si queres lleva nota del primer día del conteo para recordar que día dejaste pero viví ahora hermano enfócate en algún negocio,estudio o algo así ya sos libre
 

ugalanda said:
I think the next 5 days will be the toughest now that I've successfully completed the 90-day PMO challenge.
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Congratulations on the 94 days. Well done!

If you read your statement above, you may see that you set yourself up for a relapse. Instead of celebrating your achievement and newfound strength, you talked yourself into how hard the next 5 days will be. The brain will work hard to try and give us justification for a relapse. I would be thrilled with the 94-day achievement and quickly move on to your next longest streak.

I guess what I'm saying is don't listen to any negative self-talk.

Good luck,
Nomo
 
The key point is to understand that porn isn't really appealing or fulfilling in a healthy way.

It's like taking drugs - there will be some pleasant sensations felt for some not long time and after that there will be a payout in an opposite direction - body's getting harmed, mood lowered, etc.
 
nomo said:
Congratulations on the 94 days. Well done!

If you read your statement above, you may see that you set yourself up for a relapse. Instead of celebrating your achievement and newfound strength, you talked yourself into how hard the next 5 days will be. The brain will work hard to try and give us justification for a relapse. I would be thrilled with the 94-day achievement and quickly move on to your next longest streak.

I guess what I'm saying is don't listen to any negative self-talk.

Good luck,
Nomo
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Yes, in retrospect you're clearly right about that.
 
Chrispl said:
The key point is to understand that porn isn't really appealing or fulfilling in a healthy way.

It's like taking drugs - there will be some pleasant sensations felt for some not long time and after that there will be a payout in an opposite direction - body's getting harmed, mood lowered, etc.
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You're right, it's not. But unfortunately like drugs it allows one to briefly forget about other problems even if it provides little or no positive satisfaction.
 
So one of the goals would be to not use anything to briefly forget about the situation that is happening, and instead just stay present and vulnerable in the given situation, facing the feelings present head on :)
 
Sashana said:
Hermano felicidades por esos 90 días
Pero tómalo como un punto de inflexión en tu vida , estás lejos de lo que eras antes viví tu vida enfócate en eso no cuentes más dias si queres lleva nota del primer día del conteo para recordar que día dejaste pero viví ahora hermano enfócate en algún negocio,estudio o algo así ya sos libre
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Entiendo, no quiero vivir en pensando todo el dia, "No, no peudo ver porn ! " Quiero trabajar, estudiar, hacer ejercicio. Una vida de actividad es mejor que una vide de miedo.
 
Chrispl said:
So one of the goals would be to not use anything to briefly forget about the situation that is happening, and instead just stay present and vulnerable in the given situation, facing the feelings present head on :)
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That's a good point. A very good one. For years I've used porn as a kind of painkiller (and like a painkiller, it can bring some pleasure with it, but nothing inspiring or productive or transformative).
 
ugalanda said:
You're right, it's not. But unfortunately like drugs it allows one to briefly forget about other problems even if it provides little or no positive satisfaction.
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You are correct, the short-term feeling from porn is very pleasurable. If it wasn't, we would not be addicted.
 
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