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"Just touch your penis and watch some porn, it'll make ya feel better."

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Newlife33, Jul 2, 2019.

  1. Jul 2, 2019 #1
    Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    I've noticed I've been saying that sentence out loud a lot these past couple days. Don't worry, I haven't been doing it in public or around people , yet, LOL.

    It's almost like my addiction is coming up into my conscious mind. I had such a brutally awful childhood filled with a lot of loneliness and despair. Before I found alcohol, porn really was my go to to make me feel better. No matter how shity life was or how difficult today was, I could always count on coming home to watch p*** and jerk off. It never failed to numb me and knock me out and make me feel okay for a little bit.


    Now I realize though how much time they had wasted. While other kids were out practicing sports or making friends or hitting on girls, I was cranking my yank for the fifth time and escalating to transwoman pornography and other horrible things. I regret and I'm sad that I wasted so much time. It wasn't all bad though, and there were moments of goodness that I have held onto.

    That being said, now I don't need p*** to make myself feel better. I have friends and seltzer water and jigsaw puzzles and soccer highlights and mangoes and my fish and dogs and sunshine and so many other things that make me feel connected to the world. So even though right now it feels pretty weird to constantly have this voice in my head that's telling me to touch my penis and watch porn, I know that that voice is finally weakening and is leaving. Soon The Voice will tell me to go hit on that girl or start playing soccer again or go to the gym or watch a funny movie Etc. There's millions of other things I can do to make myself feel good, and I'm finally able to appreciate and do them
     
    Newlife33, Jul 2, 2019
    Newlife33, Jul 2, 2019
    #1
    Ogikubo, Deleted Account and Deleted Account like this.
  2. Jul 3, 2019 #2
    Snakeloa

    Snakeloa Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Thank you for sharing your experience, and what you think this is about.

    To futher weaken that voice, what could you do?

    I think voices like that belong to us, as long as we hold on to them. Even when we have taken them over from outer influences like parents, tv,others... It is part of our psyche at that moment.

    I was thinking if your voice would be mine, i would first of all accept that it is there, give it space to express it and then transform it with certainty into something which will enrich my life. Why? If you deny it is there, it will not disappear. If you shut it off, it will come back louder. If you cannot transform it, it will stick with you.

    So look into it what is beneath that voice or urge to touch yourself? Why do you want to "feel better"?
    It sounds so simple and obvious that we often don't see.
    If i (and that's my view about myself) look deeper i can see it is lack of selflove. Simple but so damn hard in daily life.
    So my plan is to practise Selflove until it settled into my mindset enough and the transformation this voice was really asking for is done.

    Hug Jörg
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2019
    Snakeloa, Jul 3, 2019
    Snakeloa, Jul 3, 2019
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    Ogikubo and Deleted Account like this.

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