Keep assuming rejection

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by WhyNotStop, Aug 11, 2019.

  1. I've been rejected many times. This time it's legit and everything is going well. I'm on my longest streak and emotions are all over the place. Right now I'm feeling rejection and jealousy when there's nothing to worry in my soon to be relationship. We can spend hours on the phone talking about countless things. It's just the little things and when we hang up that the bad emotions set in and make me feel like this will fall apart. I think it's withdraw and just terrible past experience with girls. I got some great relationship advice from my father and know exactly where to steer the ship. The problem is whenever I'm not talking to her I assume the worst and my mood and body are injured by emotions of rejection.
     
    Sinbad and Darren hutto like this.
  2. What's up with the jealousy? Why are you letting it interfere with a good thing? Or, is this "jealousy" really a voice inside you saying that this woman may not be right for you? Are you perhaps hoping for something that is not really there?
    If this relationship is going to develop, it's going to take a mature effort, and jealousy, as you certainly know, is not a useful emotion. Dealing with the PMO is number one, in my opinion. Keep that streak alive no matter what happens. Control it and you'll be more confident. Feeling jealous and rejected will diminish when you take charge of that.
     
  3. b-v-o-y

    b-v-o-y Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like you have an anxious-ambivalent attachment style caused by past rejection and hurt. Look it up. Good thing is that it can be changed. I wish you the best.
     
  4. I'm pretty sure there's something there. It's not a sign that things as heading the wrong way. I know quitting PMO is priority but crafting this relationship has probably been the only reason why I'm 20+ days in. I don't want to sound needy but I know I need this. The last thing I want is sex, I'm back on God's path and I'm willing to wait what I have to wait.
     
  5. That sounds a little like me. But even though I feel like this I'm keeping it hidden, Something I've never been able to do in previous relationships. This is just an emotion that recently poped up so I'm going to say it's going away pretty soon. Jealousy is normal it's just something that requires training and maturity to overcome. Practice makes perfect so I'm going to say that after enough acceptance of what jealousy is I'll be able to overcome it.
     
  6. It's like the rejection is in my head. I'm going to assume this is a side effect of withdraw. I used to have constant attention from girls online often looking for content where the actor called out to the viewer in a positive constant attentive way. Now I no longer have that and am getting used to the reality of the process of building a new relationship. I can't be with her 24/7. Things will happen and I just have to ignore those bad thoughts. A relationship isn't about having the other person kneeling for your every wish. Porn has got me hooked on that urge or need to have attention. Real love is much more than porn and constant attention and I have to get used to that.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  7. There you go, you've got the idea. Dumping the porn - absolutely and completely - will make things better.
    How I wish I had realized that when I was much younger. But no going back! Have to move ahead!
     
    WhyNotStop and need4realchg like this.
  8. @b-v-o-y had great points.

    I had some thing similar —-I discuss it a lot and see your need to feel attended to as a codependency.

    Have you looked up this ?
     
    WhyNotStop likes this.
  9. I've heard small cases of these. People that depend on their loved one sexually to get rid of porn use. Even though that what it seems in my case (expect the sex part) I don't think that's the case here. I think there's a lot I can learn from this. I'm getting rid of porn while also expanding my knowledge in the relationship part of my life. Codependency makes it sound like I'm using her to replace my porn use, That's not the case. It's a motivation but also a great learning tool. Sorta like replacing a bad habit with a good one, real love.
     
  10. It's crazy how porn has destroyed the view we all have on sex. Before sex was seen as more sacred now I see various teens younger than me (14-18) getting getting pregnant like it's a joke. Sex is just no longer respected.
     
  11. I feel a lot better now. This thread helped me clean my mind out and remember the reason why I'm doing NoFap.
     
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  12. Actually codependency is not about sex. It’s about feeling needed, wanted , cherished, desired.

    It Can lead to sex. But honestly it’s not sexual. Many times women are said to be codependent because of similar needs but of course it can manifest in men as well.
     
  13. I don't know, could be. I was never rejected as a child by my parents and still am not rejected and they have a healthy relationship, Also have siblings and other loved ones that openly show love for me, So I have love. Honestly I just don't like the word codependency. I not using her to quit porn. I actually want something beautiful to be born out of this.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  14. Yup thanks man. I feel like an emotional bottle for some reason, like a bunch of emotions are just mixed in and then I go ahead and shake it up whenever I think negative things about my crush. I hurt myself and I'm going to start using meditation to overcome that. bad emotions are like a cup full of water... It's not heavy at first but the more you hold onto it the heavier it feels and the more you hurt yourself.
     

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