Keep failing, decided to reach out

Glad you posted because I feel similar as you. I'm new here, but signed up recently b/c I've known for probably a couple years now I have a problem and I finally have decided to try and do something about it. I'm married but the wife is low libido and I really REALLY struggle to control the urge when sex is so infrequent (2 to 3 times a month). Now with coronavirus lockdown, I work from home and porn is but a click away on my home computer. Think the most I've gone is 3 days last week, and then two 1 day streaks broken up by 24 hours over the last few days. I've read a lot about the benefits to re-wiring my brain from porn and masturbation, but my willpower is weak. Also looking for help/advice.

 

Don't give up.I'm new here too. It helps to check out the success stories of others here. Also don't beat yourself up if you make mistakes. It will take some time to change but the change Will come and it'll be worth it in the end. Stay strong.

 

Shame is an integral part of addiction, if I do something addictive I feel shame and if I don't I don't, also if I feel shame there's a good chance that it fits my definition of "I am addicted" to that thing I feel shame about. I think it comes from wanting to be able to choose for myself and not having the necessary power to do so so I feel controlled or pushed around. This may be different from other definitions of addiction, it's just how I use and understand that word today as a happy sober pm+ addict. For example many people stop calling themselves an addict after they have been sober a few weeks or months, to me that would mean I wasn't addicted to it I just thought I was.
On the same subject I really relate to what been shared, such as ".n..matter what I do, I pretty much always fail eventually. It always starts with a visual cue, and I get extremely horny. I am able to suppress it for about 3 days, but I always end up masturbating and watching porn" thus sums up what active addiction was like for me too, very succinctly
Thinking looking and seeing led to me acting, and acting in ways that didn't make sense to me. I was able to choose for myself in so many areas of life, but with pm+ I couldn't: within about 3 days. It was inevitable. It got to where I was proud of the things I hadn't done, that was all I had left to be proud of in terms of sex
Thankfully it's not about going from shame to pride, just being released from the whole spectrum of shame. Which is not necessarily the same as do whatever the hell Andrew wants, thank goodness because I would make myself miserable getting what I want

 

I relapsed twice after 6 months or so from porn each time. I’m currently 5 months and 2 and half weeks or so free from that relapse.

I have learned a lot in my struggle with porn. One, is what triggers me. A lot on the internet and tv triggered me(seeing beautiful women). I believe my last relapse was super bowl halftime show, I didn’t relapse that night, but like a week or two after it, but those images stayed with me and I kept wanting more, even after 6 months.

I also researched And watched videos of the science behind it all and it releases dopamine In your brain and scary how the addiction can become when I thought I could control it.

the ways I feel like I have conquered it for good was that I had my wife put in an adult filter password that I don’t know what it is(it could be a friend if not married). It’s my backup plan when having a bad day and can’t see the adult sites. I also don’t watch shows that could trigger me and try to turn my head if I think a scene is coming. More importantly though, I have really grown in my faith with God. I have listened to so many sermons on temptations and that has helped me tremendously. Rick Warren and Greg Laurie are 2 of my favorites and have helped me a ton!! I learned about all the garbage I was putting in my mind. The analogy was how we have to watch what we eat, we can’t eat McDonald’s fried food every meal without bad consequences, the same thing applies with what you consistently put in your mind.

Hopefully this helps and try and learn as much as possible and avoid whatever gets you tempted and triggered. Get going on another streak and make it a lifestyle change and don’t beat yourself up if you have a relapse(I know, easier said than done, I beat myself up for a couple days) Just learn from it and keep trying and if you do relapse LEARN why it happened and triggers and avoid it. I hope this helps .