Keep on Relapsing

Pray everyday. Pmo is an enemy. Am same as you. Keep on relapsing. Tired and unfocused. Need to find my peace. I'm going far from what God showed me. I need to come back somehow.

 

Luke 15
Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.

13 “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. 14 About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. 15 He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. 16 The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.

17 “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’

22 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, 26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’

28 “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, 29 but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. 30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’

31 “His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. 32 We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”

 

Praying for you brother

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full, in his wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace

Don't look at yourself nor at your failures, it's a dead end.

Sin is done with. Christ has conquered death so you could live. Confess your sin (you can do this here) but then accept the forgiveness God secured for you when he sacrificed his only son so you could have eternal life.

The Lord keep you dear brother!

 

Although it doesn't feel like it, the fact that you feel the disorganization and the despair brought by relapsing is a positive sign. Your conscience is not at peace with this sin. This is a good foundation and understanding of good VS evil that you will be able to build upon. However, there is a tension within you caused by loving more than one master and this is the basic issue we all wrestle with. A big part of you wants to do God's will as a manifestation of the love and reverence your soul holds for Him and another part of you doesn't yet want to give up an animal like attraction to lustful thoughts and images.

Seek to fill your heart with so much love, reverence and devotion to God the Father, that it displaces sinful desires. I cannot say if the desires can be entirely overwhelmed in this way (although some have definitely achieved that) because I haven't achieved that myself. However, I can testify that the Father's love can be sought and obtained to such a great extent that the sinful desires hold no power over you.

This is a war against sin and like any war, it cannot be won without planning and execution. Your plans must include spiritual and earthly tactics. Spiritually, you must commit to daily prayer from your heart. Sincere, prayer and reading focused on growing your understanding of the ways of the Lord and recognizing all that He does for us.

Your earthly tactics must include recognizing those times when you are going to be weak and making sure temptation is far from you at those moments. For example, if your relapses happen first thing in the morning, make sure your electronic device is far from you at those times. If that is impossible because of work or family obligations, then make yourself get up and focus on things that can distract you (exercise or a drive to the local cafe, whatever- as long as it isn't in front of an internet display) and if possible make sure you stay around others - do what you can to not be alone at times of high temptation so that you cannot commit sin.

The longer you wage this battle, the easier it will become to avoid this sin and resist temptation. I am praying for you, please pray for everyone here.