Keep relapsing and HOCD

I keep relapsing, I fail to do more than 6 days streaks since I began nofap (been a year on and off and tbh I feel like crap, I didn't manage to have long streaks without pmo, however I've never abandoned nofap and I keep trying) and well, now when I relapse I keep relapsing to s*xting with dudes, I know I'm not gay or bi but I seek this because I want some approval I guess, the feeling of being desired, even if it's not a woman.
So I wanted to know if someone was experiencing or have been experiencing the same things as I do ? And how they managed to get out of this hell
Thanks
PS: I'm french, english is not my mother tongue so I'm sorry if I made any mistakes

 

I never had hocd but it could help in this situation when you panic because of it to focus on the feeling in your stomach. Than continue focusing until the tensions, which are normal in anxiety or panic, go away.
Maybe that can help

 

Update: I'm on day 7 ( one of my best streak so far, I'm quite proud of myself) I take a cold shower everyday, started to workout again, meditate and learn self love and to treat myself like a friend, not an enemy, and also I think what has allowed me to be successful so far is to not fight the urges, don't push them, you have to admit they are there, see them, feel them and know they will be gone in 10 or 15 minutes, and you have to be dead set on not doing something you'll regret later.
And, great news : my HOCD is gone ( for now at least )
I blocked porn from my smartphone and my computers ( though I haven't needed them because I mainly use willpower to fight the urges )
So yeah I'm happy right now and I hope I can say the same in 23 days !

 

Don't let your guard down, I have done 1 month streaks and every time I let my guard down, I always relapse. I think for its a fear that I have, that I will completely change, so yeah I am afraid of success jaja. Also, the flatline outrights sucks, right now my dick is dead and I feel that I have no sex drive.

i hope this will change soon, but keep up the good work, you can do it just develop new good habits and stay focused.

 

Thanks ! I take note of what you said my dick is also dead and I don't have that much sex drive either lol but that doesn't really bother me, I want to be cured, whatever may be the (temporary) cost !