Keep relapsing to transwomen?

Well it’s to make me feel less shameful and confused about my sexual orientation. Shame does fuel addiction and the more we understand it the less out of control it feels. I also think that a penis is a boy/mans favourite toy and that some of us have used as a go to, to deal with difficult emotions for years. Now put that toy on a super hot female (which is what our brains see) and you’ve kind of got this naughty forbidden sexual creature that you feel you shouldn’t be playing with, which makes it even more naughty! Which then creates an intense Adrenalin, dopamine cocktail which becomes a massive escape/distraction and addiction.
Looking past the feminine feature and realising it’s a dude definitely helps too.

 

I think it’s the same if you’ve banged 1000 escorts you’re probably going to want to up the buzz. And watching porn at the same time things are going to escalate and get weird. Try booking a dominant escort! 9/10 are ducking useless so jumping up to a trans sex worker is a fast track to a big hit. I guess if cocaine was an absolute nightmare to get hold of, the supplier didn’t know what they were doing and couldn’t meet you till tomorrow or Wednesday. But there was a place to get crack from, just down the road, for less money, bigger hit and no pissing about. The addict would soon go for the crack.

 

Stressful day yesterday got off to phone sex which then made me want to up it (even though I’d told myself I wouldn’t this time and just stop at phone sex!) searched for ways in phone to view ts escorts. Luckily blocked out, dreamt about fucking one last night, woke up today feeling depressed and horny. I remember how crap it makes me feel if I go and do it but could do with some help and words of advise please

 

Reading back: Makes me feel suicidal doesn’t it

 

Thanks man, I’m pretty sure it’s the rush that I’m addicted to. Although when I’m in the searching faze I’m convinced I love it. Then all the positive work I’ve been doing and values go out the window. 1 of the elements is the initial searching is a massive distraction from the stresses of life. Another thing is when I have sex with females (mainly escorts) I feel I have to preform and be on my game- make them come etc which is good fun most of the time but empty and still a bit of a job. But there is a side of me sometimes that just wants to escape, submit control and be seduced. I guess I’ve escalated to trans from a sensual massage, to femdom to ts. My triggers for this type of escape is when I’m warn out, overwhelmed, upset, angry and most of all if I’ve messed something up- probably like a self punishing rush. Sorry if I sounds like a victim. The intensity of the rush I get when I am on my way to some unknown apartment in secrecy makes it taboo and a turn on. Yet as soon as I come I feel disgusted tbh and my senses that were being ignored while I was on the high quickly kick in. I’m not rude to the trans escorts as most of them will be traumatised souls themselves. But I’m certainly not into the idea of sharing any more time with them. I leave the apartment thinking youve done it again how long are you going to go round in circles spending all your money to be stuck in this degrading loop, you’re never going to meet a partner at this rate. 10 days go by and I start to feel on top again. But another big trigger yesterday and I’m back searching. Luckily the true me has blocked 22 other search engines and applied adult locks to devices. So I’ve took it as a victory. Before I would be like well you’ve started the degrading cycle might as well see it through and buy a new laptop as you’re a mess. But no it can fuck off and I’m a lot more aware of what’s good for me. Reading my post the other week warning others has helped and if some of the feedback is all defensive about not wanting to be gay I just see it for what it is, why are they even reading this section if it doesn’t relate lol. I’ve had a productive day training, working and looking after myself. Early night amd battle on forward

 

Great advise dude thank you. Yes letting go of the shame is massive. How long would you suggest I go cold turkey for? Ive only made 53 days before and it was really distracting to not o at all. I know I can beat this though. Ive come a long way over the last few years and although I’ve relapsed here and there, my life has been improving.

 

Good for you dude well done. There are times ( usually after a relapse) where I’d think is this me for life! But I know I’ll beat it and Just have to keep getting back up, dusting off and going again. What helped you out to overcome this addictive behaviour? Thanks

 

No offence but does it really go away after ninety days? I found the longer I’d left it the more I’d want it and the kinkier the better, if I was to finally release!

 

Cheers dude, I am putting a lot of hard work in and my life is transforming. There’s some pretty heavy stuff going on for me at the moment plus this isolation is difficult especially when it comes to finding healthy self soothes. But doing pretty well mate. Just got warn out with years of trying to go 90 days to be honest. So was allowing myself sex now and again and mo too if desperate. Sometimes I generally want normal sex and it’s not the case of me trying to regulate difficult emotions it’s that I feel like a good ....! Some days I’m fine and I can refocus and keep chasing my goals etc. But other days if I’m using it for a pick me up or a rush it will escalate. Perhaps putting that energy into hitting dating sites or approaching girls is the way to go. Heard a saying once that we replace intimacy with intensity! Thanks

 

Thanks very encouraging