Keep relapsing to transwomen?

Yea just had a decent female escort after therapy good sex and she gave me her personal number and wants to go out, so that’s a bit of a confidence boost. But not really my type, not ideal job either lol. But feel more human than I do when leaving a nasty ts

 

It’s a fucking tough one isn’t it? I’ve been battling it for years. I’ve got an awesome therapist now and really untangling stuff. Not long but a few weeks off the trans stuff and managed to pull myself away from the intense urges. Long way to go yet but I’ll make it

 

I feel like another escort lol better not

 

Well done dude for staying strong and keeping away. I think I’m making progress with it, but when it comes along the urges are so strong and I’m convinced I love it and need it! Sometimes it’s just to stop the withdrawal though. I used to feel if I’d started searching it was inevitable that I was going to relapse so to see it to the end. ( something I’d learnt in the 12 step powerless bullshit) But many times I’ve got out of that thought mode and got past the urges for a while. I’m working at eliminating as many of my triggers and working on bettering my life so it’s less stressful. Also it’s making less sense to punish myself or put myself through all the crap that my brain is starting to associate with pain and suffering. But yea still early days stay strong.

 

Better off keeping it private, for now at least. I’m up for being honest but a partner does not need to know every thing that’s scarred us in our past. We’re dealing with it and it’s not going to effect our new relationships. We’ve experimented so what. There are good people on here to chat with and I’ve found the right counsellor has helped massively. I made the mistake of telling friends I was in therapy for sex addiction; they just think I’m going with female escorts and watch too much porn some will take the piss a lot and some will say it’s not really an addiction.
Learning about what’s behind the urges and craving helps me realise what it’s all about. For me it is heavily tied in with trauma, shame and attachment issues. There’s a lot going on subconsciously and it’s escalated over the years. I’ve sometimes thought is this my thing! But we wouldn’t feel so bad and grossed out afterwards. And I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t want to wake up with one and kiss, have breakfast with, foster some kids together, go out for meals and holidays. For me it’s a fetish that has got out of control and just sex. Seeking novelty and taboo to escape shit feelings and stress and replace with a cocktail of chemicals our brain produces and gets us high on.

 

A girl friend is definitely what I’m working towards. But the easy quick fix of getting a hot escort is a short term solution that probably pushes me further away from getting something real! It’s hard to meet someone cool and hot as you get older though. And sometimes I just skip all the nonsense. But I guess if I put in more effort to the real thing I’d get more reward long term .

 

You’ve obviously got a lot about you, for a smoking hot professional escort to want to date you. Use that as a compliment to push you in the direction of what you really want.

 

You’re edging doing that shit and tempting fate. Cognitive distortions (justifying and making excuses) “ I’ll just have a look but won’t do it.” I sometimes would say I’ll just call them up see what they sound like...20 min later I’d be just about to knock on the apartment door, heart beating out of my chest! It’s a slippery slope dude and I wish I’d never started it years ago. The more you do it the more hooked you’ll become. And yea when you start searching and there isn’t a decent local one or even in the next closest cities your standards will start dropping as you keep searching, because you’ll want the fix and get desperate. There are some real freaks out there and there’s a high risk of std’s. Save yourself all the pain and put it behind you. The shame from the first one will make you feel crap and subconsciously you’ll hate yourself making it a lot easier to loose track of values when triggered again. Like a fucked up feedback loop.

 

When I’ve been high on the adrenaline, suspense and dopamine and they open the door and resemble a hot woman you kind of go into auto pilot. Then as soon as you release you realise this isn’t a hot woman with something extra. Block all the porn ( that feeds it massively)and escort sites. And be glad you never pushed it any further

 

Nearly did a month, but had the urge and went and visited another one earlier. Didn’t enjoy it, went soft, no excitement, couldn’t come. Put my cloths back on and went home. Much rather bang a woman. Glad it’s lost it’s thrill.

 

Dude it’s harder than it sounds. I’m getting there just a blip. My life is hell atm and I just escaped for an hour. No point beating myself up. I’ve had a lot to deal with and Im doing alright.
Straight back on the horse I’m really glad it didn’t do it for me.