Kinda sorta met a girl last night...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by scote73, Nov 8, 2015.

  1. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    My best friend had been dying to have me meet a friend of his that he knew from his work, so naturally he invited her to the party that we were both attending. My friend told her about me as well, so we both kind of knew of each other already, even though we had never met.

    She isn't a very shy girl at all, but I think she may have been a little too shy to talk to me. She would either stay with her best friend and talk with her, or she was buried in her phone. I don't hold any of it against her, because it was kind of an awkward situation to begin with...almost like a forced blind date, but in the setting of a party of which she knew almost no one.

    I must've somehow made an impression on her, because she told my friend after the party that she "thought I was cute" "wanted to meet me" "thought I seemed like an awesome guy" etc. My friend then proceeded to give me her number, and her facebook info.

    She already added me on facebook, so that's moot. My question is, would it be better if I texted her?
     
    BrainPlasticity likes this.
  2. IGY

    IGY Guest

    You haven't said anything about what you think about her. Do you like her? Does she have an appealing personality etc?
     
    Andrew0268 likes this.
  3. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    She seems like a nice girl, but that's the only read I got on her. As much as I tried to interject myself in her conversations with her friend, she seemed a bit too shy to talk to me. However, my friend insists that she and I would hit it off easily, even if we didn't get much of a chance to last night.

    I trust my friend knows my type, so I'm pretty interested in getting to know her.
     
  4. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Fair enough. I think I would text her - it seems more personal than a PM on Facebook somehow. But what do I know? :rolleyes:
     
  5. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    I hold your opinion in high regard. I shall try my best to rack up the courage to text her....even if my mind is doing its best to sabatoge my effort.
     
  6. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Thanks man! Let us know here how it goes.
     
  7. Arkarion.23

    Arkarion.23 Fapstronaut

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    I also think I would text her instead of FB. Maybe try to get some information about her from her fb profile, like what movies or music she likes, etc.. If you find some congruence with yourself, keep that in mind! Having similar interests is always good, because you have something to talk about you both like. But don't try to force or fake it xD. If you feel too uncomfortable asking her out on a date, try some of the fields your interests match. Like if you both like depeche mode, tell her about a depeche mode themed disco event you found and that you're a fan and going there, asking her if she wants to join you. If this still feels to much as a date for you, also invite some of your and her friends. The key point is, to ask her yourself! You initiated the whole thing, so you showed interest. Wish you good luck! You can do this!
     
  8. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    So, small update. I texted her, but didn't get much further than 1-2 texts.

    As much as I don't like to admit it, insecurities still get the best of me in times like this. I've tried online dating for years, and never really got to the point where I could *really* get to know the girl. I small-talk girls to death :rolleyes:

    I put so much pressure on myself for how my messages are constructed. I feel like my future with the girl hangs in the balance with every letter that I type. What happens is, either I small-talk girls to death because I play it too safe, or I stop messaging them altogether because the stress of not knowing what to say gets the best of me.

    I guess I'm just so tired of being alone and isolated, that I put this unnecessary pressure on myself to "not screw things up" when I have an opportunity...especially if I'm talking to a girl that I'm very interested in.

    This girl and I have one clear interest: sports. That's awesome, because sports are my passion. But, we obviously need to get past "sports" at some point.

    Well, this is what I do. I overthink a situation when I should just relax about it, and let things kind of move forward organically. This is how my last girlfriend and I got together, and this is how I *almost* ended up with another girl recently (long story short, didn't see what I had in her until it was too late).

    I guess, maybe, I still have a fear of rejection that I need to work on.
     
  9. Arkarion.23

    Arkarion.23 Fapstronaut

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    Just relax! Don't put yourself under that much pressure! That fear of rejection is a normal thing. Everybody has it, the keypoint is to not let it overwhelm you, not let it control you. You have to accept that there will be rejection! That's just normal and no disaster. Let it go. Don't fear it or fight it. Just accept this feeling and let it go. You can do it! Also if you need someone to practice girl-texting with XD feel free to write me ;-). I will try to help you the best I can.But to warn you, I am not that confident with the girls, also English is not my mother-tongue. But normally I am good with texting :D
     
  10. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    I consider myself to be similar to you scote73. I am not amazing at talking to girls who I am attracted to, but I am particularly useless at non-direct communication. Texting/ facebook is too artificial. There's no feedback, no body language to pick up on etc. You end up stressing out about everything you end up saying- "Was that the right thing to say?", you ask yourself. Or "what should I write next"...

    I believe this sums it up for you. In fact, I think this whole situation is really rushed and like you say, not organic. You have barely met this girl, or spoken to her, and you're already trawling through her facebook profile trying to find common interests. Just let it go. This type of approach will get you nowhere in my opinion. You need to give this some time, move on with your life. You're obsessing over this because of the possibility of what could have been. My advice would be, wait for the next opportunity when you are both together again, at a party or whatever it may be. You can't know when this will be- if the situation does arise, then there's your opportunity. If it doesn't, well it's not the end of the world. I'm sure you have many other important things in your life to be focusing your attention towards. Furthermore, don't think of her as girlfriend material per say. At the end of the day, both you and she are busy people that have their own lives to attend to. Getting together would be nice for you both though, so wait it out and see if there comes another opportunity. This would allow you to let things take their course more organically.

    I completely understand, as I do this as well. Us guys have a tendency to rush into things, it's how we're wired, when in fact, I think what girls need for the most part is time. Although I also have a habit of leaving too much time, and end up leaving things too late! :rolleyes:
     
  11. jatar

    jatar Fapstronaut

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    I agree with @mergim, just keep it simple and text/call her, and ask her out. Go for a walk or something that will let you talk to her and get to know her better. If you like her after the first date, ask her out again. If at any point she refuses, you'll know where you stand. If after a date or two you feel like you don't want to continue pursuing her, then stop asking her out.
     
  12. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    Another small update (for those who care): me and my friend are planning a group get-together, and we've invited her. Hopefully, if she comes along, she'll be a little less shy to talk to me...and vice-versa. What I've got going for me, is when I can get engaged in conversation, I'm not shy at all. I can hold my own there. The trick is getting that conversation started.

    I appreciate the responses, guys. Trust me, I've taken each of them to heart.
     
  13. jatar

    jatar Fapstronaut

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    Good luck! Stay relaxed, it's not the end of the world if things don't go 100% perfectly.
     
  14. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Well, I do. What a great idea. I don't know if the group will expect alcohol - I assume yes. All I would say is, don't rely on a substance to make this thing happen. Better to be yourself, than a version of yourself that only occurs when you have had a few drinks. Starting off is tricky, admittedly, but don't overthink it. Keep it simple and the rest will flow from there. Good luck! ;)
     
  15. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    Thanks, @IGY . I'm definitely not going to consume alcohol. I'm feeling....strangely confident about this. I'm not sure if it's everyone's encouragement, or if I'm getting better at just being myself and not giving a good gosh darn what people think!
     
  16. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    Dude!!! Your last sentence says so much. Don't rely on your friends to meet women. That's weak. You need to start overcoming your fear of rejection. This is an opportunity. When she was at the party, you should have just walked up to her and said what you really feel. Like, "Hey. You are really fuckin' cute. Wanna get high?" Just kidding about the "getting high" part. lol But we really need to learn how to express what it is that we want. Whether we get shot down or not is irrelevant. You need to just start "showing up." Life is about risks. You have to take risks to get ahead. There will also be losses with risks. Life is more like a poker game. You're going to get some crappy hands. But you still enjoy the game. It's not what these idiots (society) has been teaching us. Don't text this chick. Call her and tell her you would like to have a drink (or whatever floats your boat) with her and see what happens. Start looking at yourself as a gift. Ask as many out as you can. I'm not a Casanova, but it's not about scoring. It's about overcoming yourself. Good luck, buddy.
     
  17. avatarivn

    avatarivn Fapstronaut

    You were joking with the "getting high" part. Dawn, I should read the entire messages before applying them :(

    But seriously, in my humble opinion, risking rejection is kind of a part of the whole "connection with a real girl" package deal. Still, its worth to try.
     
  18. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    Not just about the girls. It's about overcoming yourself. It's about learning to laugh at yourself. It hurts at first. That's why you gotta keep doin it.
     
  19. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I have been watching this space for the latest in this romantic saga. Meanwhile, I notice your streak is back in double figures which is superb and will give you a confidence boost. Remember, don't overthink it mate, just be yourself. :rolleyes:
     

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