Lack of masculinity transwoman / Trans porn addiction

[Bimaddict91]

Hi guys,

First of all sorry for my spelling, english is not my first language so for that I struggle writing. Secondly, my advise may not apply to all the people that have this kind of addiction.


I have been clean of that kind of porn for 3 months now. What it is helping me it’s to understand my past. I am seeing a therapist in Spain that is trying to understand more about my past.

In my case I had problems with the overprotection of my mother when I was a kid, and the poor relationship with my father… I just didn’t feel enough man to get the girl that I liked and I was all the time comparing with other boys at the schooling telling myself that I was not man enough to get that girl or I was less masculine that other boys of my age. I didn’t know why I had this feeling but I think I am understanding why. When I was a kid my father was present but he always treated me like a weak boy less masculine and he was always distant, he barely gave me a hug and almost never did father-son activities together. I had a scar with me that later was translated in a lot of anxiety, suicide thoughts and alcoholism.

Every time that I had some anxiety I watched porn. It was the short cure for my loneliness and my feeling of lack of masculinity. I started watching straight porn at 12. but I got quickly addicted to transwoman/trans porn.

If you have a similar experience like mine I would like to recommend you some books that are helping me to understand more about my past:

- Wild at Heart (John Eldredge)
-Perversion. The erotic form of hatred (Robert J. Stoller)
-Shadows in the net
-Crisis in Masculinity ( Leanne Payne)

Most of these books have high religious content so I hope this is not a problem for you.

I really hope those books help you as they are helping me.

Thank you for reading me and keep strong.

 

[Deleted Account]

Most of these books have high religious content so I hope this is not a problem for you.

- great list I would also recommend Unwanted By Jay Stringer -
even if someone is not Christian these books are one of the few sources that reference older but relevant theories about sexualization of needs which have been disregarded not because they aren't relevant but because they are no longer politically fashionable.

-Crisis in Masculinity ( Leanne Payne)

This and all of Leanne Payne's books are excellent!

 

[Wave tamer]

Thanks I could only find the Jay Stringer one on Audible, perhaps I should stop being lazy and read but am dyslexic and don’t take it in as well. The Jay Stringer one sounds good on the sample but more to do with the power men want to feel over women from what I heard anyway.I think transwoman, femdom and the other damaging crap is more about submitting power because we want to punish ourselves. Any good audio books for that type of thing please?

 

[Deleted Account]

Thanks I could only find the Jay Stringer one on Audible, perhaps I should stop being lazy and read but am dyslexic and don’t take it in as well. The Jay Stringer one sounds good on the sample but more to do with the power men want to feel over women from what I heard anyway.I think transwoman, femdom and the other damaging crap is more about submitting power because we want to punish ourselves. Any good audio books for that type of thing please?

I think you have the best one with the Payne book you recommended. I don't know of any others.
Stringer central idea is that our fantasies have 'meaning' in the sense that they are trying to compensate for something -so he may use power as a example but he goes into other kinds in the book. So his central thesis is that our fantasies are a path and guide to healing.

 

[Blackcrowes]

Hi guys,

First of all sorry for my spelling, english is not my first language so for that I struggle writing. Secondly, my advise may not apply to all the people that have this kind of addiction.


I have been clean of that kind of porn for 3 months now. What it is helping me it’s to understand my past. I am seeing a therapist in Spain that is trying to understand more about my past.

In my case I had problems with the overprotection of my mother when I was a kid, and the poor relationship with my father… I just didn’t feel enough man to get the girl that I liked and I was all the time comparing with other boys at the schooling telling myself that I was not man enough to get that girl or I was less masculine that other boys of my age. I didn’t know why I had this feeling but I think I am understanding why. When I was a kid my father was present but he always treated me like a weak boy less masculine and he was always distant, he barely gave me a hug and almost never did father-son activities together. I had a scar with me that later was translated in a lot of anxiety, suicide thoughts and alcoholism.

Every time that I had some anxiety I watched porn. It was the short cure for my loneliness and my feeling of lack of masculinity. I started watching straight porn at 12. but I got quickly addicted to transwoman/trans porn.

If you have a similar experience like mine I would like to recommend you some books that are helping me to understand more about my past:

- Wild at Heart (John Eldredge)
-Perversion. The erotic form of hatred (Robert J. Stoller)
-Shadows in the net
-Crisis in Masculinity ( Leanne Payne)

Most of these books have high religious content so I hope this is not a problem for you.

I really hope those books help you as they are helping me.

Thank you for reading me and keep strong.

Hi I'm sorry you are struggling to this. We have very similar problems overprotective mother lack of a father figure..
I'm from Spain, so if you wanna talk by dm you are wellcome. Stay strong

 

[Lencho]

Isn't it crazy how LGBT+ community always coming down on us and say to accept these feelings. That they are natural, even though we have these feelings because of childhood trauma. And then we go to therapy and they call it conversion therapy. I just really find it crazy how I have seen so many threads of people struggling with that same fetish and also have very similar negative parent and peer relationships growing up.

Gracias por compartir.

 

[Deleted Account]

Isn't it crazy how LGBT+ community always coming down on us and say to accept these feelings. That they are natural, even though we have these feelings because of childhood trauma. And then we go to therapy and they call it conversion therapy. I just really find it crazy how I have seen so many threads of people struggling with that same fetish and also have very similar negative parent and peer relationships growing up.

Gracias por compartir.

Yes they completely ignore the exact same patterns of childhood emerging and how self improvement, anxiety reduction, and working on self confidence reduces the fantasies.

That is why they need to censor and delete so many threads, they can't handle the truth.

 

[Wave tamer]

Hi I'm sorry you are struggling to this. We have very similar problems overprotective mother lack of a father figure..
I'm from Spain, so if you wanna talk by dm you are wellcome. Stay strong

Yea I’m in totally the same situation. How had this let to this transwoman fetish do you think, the need to be approved by both sexes?

 

[Blackcrowes]

Yea I’m in totally the same situation. How had this let to this transwoman fetish do you think, the need to be approved by both sexes?

I think we see ourselves as "not manly enough" or "less of a man" somewhat inadequated. It must be the consequence of being overprotected by our mother. We didn't developed our masculine side because we have to please our mother, her attention and not being abandoned by her. I think we turn ourselves into "nice guys" who avoid conflict and with a total lack of self esteem and we "hide" our masculine side (active, asertive) because it was seen as something bad for our mothers.
We didn't have a father figure who teach us how to face the world as a man. We ended being resented with our mothers, and very angry, but we can't express that anger against her (because she is our mother and we fear to lost her) so we turn all that anger and hate against us.
In my case i have severe hocd, and i think my mind beats myself calling me gay and so in order to man myself up. I don't know if this make sense to you.

 

[Wave tamer]

I do get very angry and never had much emotional support from my dad.I got picked on a while ago because I’m a grower not a shower in the penis department I blew it well out of preparation and got really paranoid about it. It effected me and made me not want to upset anyone incase they used that against me. So you’re saying the anger we turn in on ourselves for feeling a walk over then leads to this femdom/transwoman punishment stuff? I have to admit when I’m feeling sluggish, cross with myself, paranoid and overwhelmed this is the time I flog myself with the punishment stick. Also being in control all the time and a stressful job. I can feel I need an escape. Having sex with female escorts, I will feel I need to put in a good performance and get them off. This then give me the approval and confidence boost from the bullying and lack of emotional support:encouragement. But if I’m warn out, hung over or overwhelmed with stress I know that searching and acting out with a trans will give me an intense get away from it all. I’ve decided to do a month hardmode along with psychotherapy, healthy self soothes and see where to go from there. Be good to have the contact if that’s cool

 

[Blackcrowes]

Yeah i think we try to punish ourselves somehow for not being "male enough" wich is something other people make us feel about ourselves. I was heavily bullied and abused as a child for being shy and anxious and not confront my bullyies. They called me gay and stuff and i got frozen, not able to reply wich gave them more power. What i did is try to be invisible, or try not to do anything who could be seen as femenine, so i was all day hipervigilant and trying not to be anxious or nervous. The thing is that i was hypervigilant all the time and hiperconscious of myself and one of the things happened to me was having that internal voice telling me to man up and not being weak or "gay". I though that if i listened to that voice i would correct what was wrong with so anybody could abuse me. It was like "If I abuse myself enough nobody will abuse me or it won´t hurt me so much because i told me those things before" It was like a way to desensitize me from the abuse.
I think the roots of this behaviour is an extremely tough and rigid education and morality by our parents or religion.
I know what you mean with the preassure to do a good performance. When I´m with a girl i´m anxious all the time and focus on her pleasure and not mine, wich ends in ED or not able to enjoy myself.
I think we have problems putting our needs first. I think our overcontrolling mother made us somehow codependent people.