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Lack of self esteem

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Nanni, May 22, 2019.

  1. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    Since I was a child I suffered a lot because of low self esteem. I stopped PMOing because I thought it was the cause of my issues, but I'm realizing that it was on the contrary the consequence.
    I was born as a "medium child": I have a 1 year older brother, an 11 months younger brother and a 9 years younger brother. Before the last one, I felt like I didn't deserve neither the considerations of the biggest brother nor the ones of the youngest one, and this is what caused me inferiority complexes that I still have to struggle with, even if it's something different now. Besides PMO I had to face issues related to anorexia, suiside impulses, self-punched gestures, etc.
    Probably PMO was such a shelter of mine, a comfort solution that I built during my teenage.
    However, all these things made me develop a strong will, and now.
    But nevertheless I'm realizing that I'm unable to love myself enough because I don't really accept my defects, my body imperfections (I workout 4 times a week), the results of my job, and sometimes I don't feel like I have some fashion...
    Since I realised that everything doesn't depend on my sacrifices, my diligence or in general on me, I got depressed because before now I was convinced of the opposite: infact my school results, my graduations and my physical shape depended on my diligence, but as it reguards job things change a lot. And so I'm learning to be more faithful to God and to step day by day following His will.

    This is somethng about the story of my life, hopefully something interesting or inspiring.
     
    need4realchg and CH3RRY like this.
  2. yes buddy it is inspiring and interesting too , you have introspected your life , and about defects , tell me some one who doesn't have defect probably no one one earth is perfect , look around you some people are short , some fat , some very skinny , some one is bald in his early 20s , some have acne and hell lot of problems exist you are looking the things which u don't have , but u never consider yourself lucky for the thing u are blessed with ... job u at least have one , there are people who are struggling to find one.
    if u can work around so called defects , u can change them.
     
    Nanni likes this.
  3. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    As it reguards job, well... I almost had month-length employments, and since I have to do auditions and competitions for having more chances, I'm always nearly afraid of failure... Anyway, if there's a christian believer, please, pray for me and for my life, because sometimes I really need to have my ideas clearer
     
  4. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    Are you seeking any therapy?
     
  5. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    No, the only therapy is abstinence
     
  6. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    Since I have the attitude of imposing myself things for stimulating my will, I decided to impose myself to train myself for relaxing. What do you think about that?
     
  7. nickreb90

    nickreb90 Fapstronaut

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    Working out is indeed a great habit to boost your self-esteem. Another recommendation would be to start reading philosophy. This way you will understand more about our world, humans and yourself. Look up my posts to find the one with recommendations.

    As far as your job is concerned, try to e the best you can be no matter your job, develop a strong work ethic and try to be proud of your work. Switch jobs if necessary in order to find this feeling I am describing.

    Keep up,
    Nick
     
    Nanni likes this.
  8. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    I just do mostly what you say: I work out 4 times a week in the morning before having breakfast, with the Tabata method (so that I save time for other activities), I daily go to church for mass, I pray, I read books when I have energies for doin' it; but than I don't feel like I'm satisfied for the results. Probably it's because of perfectionism or because I'm still victim of my schemes...
     
  9. andi1987

    andi1987 Fapstronaut

    May I ask what what it needs for you to value yourself? So what would you need to achieve to say "I'm a valuable human being"?
     
  10. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    Actually I don't know, I just keep on livin' while I try to understand
     
  11. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    I’d say to try to seek some specialty advice, especially on the topic of depression.

    Your set of beliefs are limiting yourself, and this is holding you back from a lot of potentially joyous experiences.
     
  12. Pepa

    Pepa Fapstronaut

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    6 Pillars of Self Esteem is great book for this in my opinion
     
    Nanni likes this.
  13. Lee741258963

    Lee741258963 Fapstronaut

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    @Nanni You sound like a nice person to me, you clearly work hard, you clearly take care of yourself - just saying
     
    Nanni likes this.
  14. If you think you're worthless, then you'll be.

    You love yourself, not because you're the best, but because you are you and that's all. You're the only true friend that will always stay with you all the time. Accept your errors, your defects and such; no one is perfect, but such is what makes us unique and with the chance to become better everyday. You can't be perfect, but in the constant battle for perfection that you have, you find your perfection as such: your capability to evolve everyday into something different.

    You're who you're, no one else you are; if you aren't happy with who you are, then you won't be happy with anything.
     
    Nanni and need4realchg like this.
  15. What a refreshing post.
    So you stopped pmo amazing!

    But what did you replace your vacuum with ?

    If you hit the gym that doesn’t directly affect the emotional side; it can help your self image but it is not magic.

    Do you have a partner ?
    With whom are you able to “unload”?
    Who listens to you when you need to share ?
    When you feel burdened how long do you spend talking ?

    If the answer to these questions is a goose egg and crickets then your challenge is a need for supportive social interactions to challenge your low opinion of yourself.

    I will say , since you cite religious disposition, do you have a mentor or AP to vent with? God doesn’t make mistakes or duplicates.

    I can see you have beliefs about God, but what do you FEEL with Him? We say often we love God, but we do not trust Him, wait for Him, share our burdens with Him, or Do as he instructs. Our actions make it hard for us to believe our mouths. If this happens in your case; a good friend is a good place to start. One to encourage And edify you. Edify means build you up.

    Porn tears you down... your family, friends, and support system build you up.

    If you conquered pmo but didn’t start rebuilding your character back in Gods image, perhaps that’s Why you have a new set of struggles?
     
  16. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    Well, I think you're right in many things you're tellim me; as you can see I started my NOFAP journey from the beginning because I relapsed with P and a little M, even if I didn't have any O. I did it even just because I've been edging several times without any consciousness of it.

    I don't have any girlfriend, since I broke up with my ex 2 or 3 years ago and I didn't have enough motivation to find another one. I've become more "demanding" on this side, but anyway never mind: I'm not pretty sure that's my source of happiness. I don't know if girls look at me as they were interested to me, but however it goes I try not to be interested on it. Infact, is it useless to be a sort of macho, some kind of sexy guy or something appreciable from all the girls of this world, if I'm not able to stay beside anyone of them?

    There have been nights in which I fantasized to have a girlfriend, to share my bed with her, even without any sex, just to feel the contact, to caress her... well, they were moments of deep unhappiness... Now I don't do it that often, because I try to be fine first of all with myself, in order to improve my personality, my skills, etc.

    You know what? I don't know if I really want a girlfriend, and I just kepp on livin day by day, trying to understand what God's will for the day; infact "each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6,34). As I've been prayin' and trusting in God, I found that many things in my life have become clearer, and I have no merits for it. I just try to be trustful.

    My priority is to have a better stability with my job, but in any case I always realised that I don't own even my steps in the path I'm walkin' in... That's why - I say it again - I try to trust in God as much as i can (nobody can consider himself as percfect as if he reached the goals of existence: as life goes on, we have to keep on walking and gettin' better).

    That's why, as I go on, I try to understand what God is demanding me, even if sometimes I'm afraid of His will.

    As it reguards the personal side, when I need it I can speak with my mother, my grandmother or a very closed person of mine; but I have also a spiritual director that I personally appreciate a lot. Persons around me never miss (I also come from a quite big family: I have three brothers and four dogs!).

    Unfortunately I don't have so much time to spend with other people because my daily business is fully planned: when i get up I work out, I have shower, breackfast, daily mass, and most of all practicing with my horn (the instrument in the picture of my account), that is something needing around 6 or 8 hours each day. I just have 10 minutes pauses, so I read books or do the things that I have to do at home like: feeding dogs, cleaning the kitchen, preparing some food, doing applications for auditions or competitions, etc... I'm practically busy during the day, and I arrive to dinner a little tired, and I go sleeping as early as I can, in order to get earlier the following morning for having more time to do the things that I have to do.

    Probably I'm repressing many things because of my sense of duty, and it's a shame... Sometimes I feel really really tired of my mental rigidity and my schemes, so tired that I have to change something in my plans... And that's what I'm learning to do. Because one day, when I grow older, even my health can be damaged.

    Hope I've answered you questions :)
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  17. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    I'm very glad to see your comment!
     
  18. Ok, summarizing; you don’t have a girlfriend, don’t really want one, and don’t really have time for one. You are focused on your job and following God’s will. You do have a social network to lean on.

    BUT, you don’t spend time with them ....

    Emotionally you are repressing , and that will come out somewhere somehow may it may not be in pmo.

    If you had to say, what is the basic reason for your sorrow ?

    I know as a professional when I am as busy as you describe I still get lonely. I can end up in trouble if I don’t make time for healthy interactions. Sadness + loneliness and free time is perfect recipe for pmo.

    But it could be a host of other unhealthy activities: binge eating , Netflix, tindering etc.
     
    properWood likes this.
  19. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    You're very closed to the right interpretation of my feelings.

    I don't have a girlfriend because I wanna be sure that the next girl that I'm gonna have as a girlfriend will be my future wife. Because otherwise it will be another mess of mine, and it is not worth it. Now I want to give a real meaning to my life.
    Life was made to be given to the others, but only God knows the right place for everyone of us. That's what I'm trying to understand: will I be married? Will I be a priest, a monk or something similar? I don't know. I will see it in the proper time.

    Emotionally I'm not that repressing, I just am concentrated on my duty, that is a lot. But the risk is always behind the corner.

    The reason for my sorrow is probably my pride, because I often think that I'm the real owner of myself but in the same time I don't know what to do with my life, and for sure I'll be deeply unhappy if I follow my instinct in my choices.

    I try to spend time with persons, but I'm always on a hurry.

    I don't wanna look for PMO anymore, because the last time I did it I felt bored and a little disappointed: it was not what I was looking for.

    Then I have a diet plan that I follow in order to be on shape.

    I'm sorry if write too much
     
  20. I am here to listen and ask questions ; I know most folks don’t but I think it’s the best and only way to really understand someone or their challenges.

    I see you saying you have friends but not that many (because of time), and you like girls but don’t want your heart broken. I assume that’s what you meant as “waste of time” even though you typed mess of mine.

    Ok, if I have that right you are suffering from perfectionism paralysis.

    This is where your perfectionist ideals and goals stop you from attempting something. As a result you stay stagnant. You also may find it necessary to retreat at times because the options are too much.

    I tell you I had an attitude similar before I got married. It’s an attitude to prevent pain and sorrow. It’s based on ideals or perfectionist personality.

    Again I am assuming you have dealt with your pmo and your emotional challenges are more to do with life after addiction. A guidance counselor might be good. Another thing might be to imagine yourself in the wrong career path and see which direction you will go.
     
    Nanni likes this.

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