Ladies, how to get you into the mood?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Stand, Aug 9, 2014.

  1. Stand

    Stand Fapstronaut

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    So, just an open topic of how your partner gets you into the mood. I'm not very good and probably need to learn some stuff! I want my relationship to be forfeiting both sexually and mentally. Too many times I've heard, 'I'm not in the mood'.

    So, what gets your in the mood?
     
  2. Jbird22

    Jbird22 Fapstronaut

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    So..... Good question :) I think for us women it's much more an emotional thing, someone else on here pointed out that if a women is emotionally satisfied in the relationship then she's going to be more interested in sex, so true for me. I always felt like sex was more of a pornographic thing for my husband even though I had ZERO clue he would ever look at the stuff, and I felt like we were always lacking an emotional sexual relationship, now I know it probably had to do with this addiction...so anyway I wasn't always in the mood for that kind of sex but if it were the other kind 9 times out of 10 I would be.

    I think some women are different as far as what turns them on but likely pretty similar. For me having physical contact, hugging, cuddling on the couch watching a movie/show-just him hugging me when he comes home from working for like 30 straight seconds and saying I missed you would be a HUGE turn on...

    I think women want to feel loved and wanted and appreciated before they want to have sex with you, more than they want to be treated like a pornstar...that being said, if the other side was consistent I think men would see women open up to a lot more stuff sexually because they'd be more comfortable and not feeling judged... So physical contact, other than sex, words like I miss you, I'm so lucky I married you, you're an amazing person, I love you, I'm so attracted to you, I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, thank you for all you do etc would all be a turn on...I'm also a very confident person so the fact that it would mean so much to me, I know other women would like it.

    If you have kids, ask her if she needs time to herself to shower, get out of the house, take a nap or anything.

    Thirdly I think just going out on a date that YOU plan, like you would if we were actually dating, and recreate the feeling of perusing her-that'd be huge. In the beginning you put all this effort into dating and perusing someone and then they want you but after years and years and you just say "want to do it?" It's like "no, not really". Is that too much to ask, lol :)

    I think it sounds like a lot to a guy but if you just implemented these things into your life, even for a few weeks you'd see a big difference and then you wouldn't have to do it all the time but you would have to keep in in there as often as you could...

    oh and did I mention kissing and foreplay? I literally got to a point where I was crying, after years of asking my husband, that I said I won't have sex with you anymore if you don't kiss me before and during...he finally got the point and after 7 years of married I got to experience being kissed while having sex..changed the entire experience for me. Would have been much better if I didn't have to spell it out for him and he did it on his own because of course I know that every time he does it, it's because I forced him to, so takes a lot of the sincerity out of it for me.

    Anyway that's all you need to know about turning a woman on-
    Talk to her
    Listen to her
    Touch her
    Validate her
    Kiss her
     
  3. Stand

    Stand Fapstronaut

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    Boost: I would like more replies. Thanks :D
     
  4. keepingon29

    keepingon29 Fapstronaut

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    You sound just like my girlfriend ;) well said though I completely agree.
     
  5. Captain B

    Captain B Fapstronaut

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    Do you really need more replies after everything Jbird22 said?? :D I think almost everything you need to know is in there already. I'm male but I can imagine that the vast majority of women would approve of what she described. That being said, in my experience, women are also very different in what they like. So if nothing seems to work, talk to her about it. Ask her why she's never in the mood and what you could do to change that (without sounding desperate or accusing though). Like Jbird22 said, all she wanted was to be kissed but she never had the nerve to ask for it. Maybe your partner is missing something as well.

    And just a little anecdote from me: Sometimes random spontaneous things work. When my ex and I had been together for about 4 years and the sex was almost down to zero, she watched me work out once (which I never did back then) and that was a huge turn on for her. I never would've expected that and I don't think she would've either. I don't think that girls are actually suuuper attracted to the sight of a man lifting weights (actually I'm pretty sure only guys who work out way too much are attracted to that ;)), I think there was a bit more to it. I was a bit of a lazy-ass back then and she always wanted me to work out more and get things done in general rather than just hanging out on the couch. I think she still loved me but had trouble admiring me because I gave her no reason to. So if there's anything you know your gf would like you to change about yourself, maybe consider doing that.
     
  6. ShelfLif3

    ShelfLif3 Fapstronaut

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    Kudos to Jbird22 for such and in depth psychological look at female arousal. I'll keep it in mind (just started dating this girl).

    It coincides with what I've seen in my relationship. Just make sure you can talk to her, even if talking is her talking to you and you just paying attention. (Pro tip: pay attention)

    But if we're talking sexually, in my case the secret is start with cunnilingus. She didn't expect it, and it was suprisingly simple to pick up (find a spot that makes her squeak or moan, continue hitting that spot in the pattern she enjoys.) She also really enjoys foreplay, (you use your fingers or your tongue to build, build, build, build up tension, and then back off a bit to let her calm down, then repeat.)
     
  7. coolmike87

    coolmike87 Fapstronaut

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    I think this post really shows how distorted your thinking about women is. Why are you obsessing about getting a woman "in the mood"? Why are you not content with the moment time you spend with a woman and getting to know her?
    If you date and want a gf just to "get her in the mood" to sleep with her, you might as well save your time and even your money and get an escort. If you want to have a relationship with a woman on a level that doesn't consist of you constantly thinking about getting it in, than stop masturbating, stop watching porn, and change the way your mind thinks!!! You will never be satisfied with the way your coming off in your post. No amount of sex in the world will be enough for you to not be trying to swindle some more sex the next day you wake up. Thats what you need to defeat. Stopping fapping to get more sex? You're doomed by your motives. Wasting your time... Your turning your hand in for a woman and that hurts two people...
     
  8. ShelfLif3

    ShelfLif3 Fapstronaut

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    From what I've seen women like sex too. I would like her to have fun too, it's a reciprocal thing. I honestly feel really satisfied knowing I am capable of actually being intimate with a woman i enjoy the company of.

    And frankly I'm here to stop fapping so I can enjoy more sex with my current girlfriend, ED and DE are kind of pimping me right now and I'd like it to stop.
     
  9. NotALoserAnymore

    NotALoserAnymore Fapstronaut

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    This thread is useful, but IMHO making love is something that comes after knowing and loving each other well, and after all there is no need to find a "weak spot" in your gf, if both want to do the same thing it may come natural; also I think that relationships don't have to imply sex, with a girlfriend ther are many other great things to do. But who's telling this is just a teenager who only enjoyed cartoon-girls for most of his puberty and teen-age, and all of my opinions come from the observation of other couples and the good advices of my father, so just take them with a grain of salt okay? :D
     
  10. DWizZy

    DWizZy Fapstronaut

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    My best answer would go like this. First, you have to form the relationship, love them, and change yourself into the man they want you to be. I resisted this at first, but I realize most of the changing you is really just fixing the problems with you. So to these ends, you can accomplish this by properly acting out the courtship ritual, as seen on tv. Speak slowly and with a deep voice, listen to them more than you talk, be consistent in your message that you love them and want to be with them. Once you've established the relationship, they are willing to do what excites you, within reason. So at this point, you have to be true to yourself. Any scenario where you're hurting them, pretending they're someone else, talking about someone else...all these are out of bounds. At least early in the relationship. You can pull off fetishistic situations if you use the right tone, which is a kinda excited yet sarcastic tone, like you know it's ugly and you want to do it anyway.

    I don't agree with the guilt-racked hyper-feminism that men display here. They're not really delicate flowers. They're hardly different than us in most respects, and they've probably done worse than what you want with other guys before. Really, if you think about it, wouldn't you be flattered if a woman kissed you on the hand and brought you flowers? This has happened to me a few times, and I enjoyed it immensely. But see, we aren't really that different. So you just think, like, what would excite you if you were the receptive partner. If a woman asked you to wear a costume and get beaten, you might be okay with it in the right circumstances. You might be angry and confused in other circumstances.

    That said, I was just thinking about this same thread, because I've been having a hard time turning my lady friend on. I really think it's just a matter of finding things that excite me that I won't feel guilty about, and then telling her them. Women get excited about what excites you. She'd probably even prefer it if I did go all dirty and satanic on her. We already have a great emotional connection, so that's not at issue. But I've been having a hard time getting turned on, and kinda as a result, I just sound sad when we start talking about sex. Like, eh sigh, I can't be sexy. I wish I had a bigger wiener. That's something women like, but there's nothing I can do about that. And I'm having some writer's block coming up with stuff that arouses me that doesn't involve hurting her. I think I'm gonna try out some exhibitionism themes with her next. See how that goes over with her.
     
  11. diesel2256

    diesel2256 Fapstronaut

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    First of all, asking for sex is lame. Second, asking women what turns them on will lead you down the wrong path every time. What you need to do is study some game from men who are good with women.

    Thinking back, I've only been shot down once with a gf. Plenty of "I'm not in the mood" but that's just code for try harder. But here's the thing, if I want something I don't give up upon the first sign of resistance. In my experience, every woman I've ever been with wanted to be dominated in the bedroom. If you're sheepish, it's not surprising that she isn't in the mood.
     
  12. Kedvesem

    Kedvesem Fapstronaut

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    I don't actually require anything to get me in the mood. :) Apparently, I always am.
     
  13. CountryDude

    CountryDude Fapstronaut

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    I have this problem with my partner.

    She doesn't seem to have much sexuality. The biggest turn on for me, above all else (above the way a woman looks, her body, her abilities in bed etc etc...) is a women who is passionate about sex. A woman who is sexual, has sexuality, needs sex regularly, gets turned on and can climax without a huge strategy on my part. I have met a lot of women like this and as much as a love my partner (in every other way), i find i get little out of the sex experience cos its so so cold and chore-like (for her)

    But sometimes, she is passionate a needs it. But maybe once a month at the most.

    I understand what is required is for me to be patient and gentle and try to tune myself in to her mind and body, what she needs.

    I am 99% sure i juts need to activate this sexual part of her mind that has never been activated before.

    Thanks to the ladies here who gave given us advice.

    I have sucha desire to be able to connect with my GF in bed and really make love.

    But i know i must heal myself first and makes things right.
     

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