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Last try before my life changing moment in Dec

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by JWwantsalife, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. Jun 20, 2019 #1
    JWwantsalife

    JWwantsalife Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys!

    It's a very very tough decision to come back here, I've been through this before but this time something is really bothering me and it is coming to me in December. It's that final exam that basically determines your future, and after accomplishing so much there's no way I'll give up now.....

    BACKGROUND

    I'm an 18y/o college student who actually did many reboots 2 years ago (11 in total) and was actually very satisfied with the results. Longest streak was 115days (yay!), my life changed forever, I was finally in my life beginning to be accomplished at something! From a shitty school and shitty life, I actually got into the best college in my country! I enjoyed my life to the fullest back then. My last post was this ( https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/success-is-a-curse-too.134687/ ) before I went MIA in NoFap ever since. However, good things never last, especially if you don't make the effort to maintain it. I learnt that the hard way...

    PROBLEM

    I began losing my way just end of last year, where I slowly go back to porn without even stopping myself. The changes to me were too obvious, all my self-disciplined I've built up just seemingly, disappeared. I become lazy, I don't follow my weekly exercise routine anymore, my mind has focusing problems. I had great results even in this best college and my new friends did look up to me, but now my results are a mess, my friends' respect for me is fading as well... Bright side I guess is that I got a girlfriend the first time in my life!:) But as months went by I can also tell how having a girlfriend really does impact my study life, really not recommended to have one tbh. How exactly did my seemingly perfect life become like this? I think this still requires more reflection and I may make another post about this some other time. But, something I definitely learned is: success is never the end-point, it's merely the end of a beginning, how you decide to move on from there will change your life forever.

    HOW I'M GONNA TACKLE THIS

    TBH, I've noticed this problem around a month ago, and I've tried doing reboots on my own ever since but to no avail. My latest and longest one so far has been a 24day streak, which just ended today, sighhh. Today this relapse really really disappointed me so much I felt so guilty, but I believe this was perhaps a calling from the universe and God, that maybe its time I woke up from my deep slumber. I happen to come across this thread and I feel is really really worth your read ( https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/for...ughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post.15558/ ）

    I've come to realise porn addiction isn't the cause of my shitty life now, it's me. Yea, just me. My lack of self-discipline, motivation, self-worth, self-esteem and strength to do what's hard but necessary, are the ones causing my downfall.....

    And for this I am officially back to NoFap, I'll be updating my progress and I know there are many details here missing, where I will post about more as I update about my journey. Only a few more months, I am going to do this, I will :)
     
    JWwantsalife, Jun 20, 2019
    JWwantsalife, Jun 20, 2019
    #1
  2. Jun 29, 2019 #2
    JWwantsalife

    JWwantsalife Fapstronaut

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    day 0 (29/6/19)

    I honestly dont even know how it happened.....

    I made a 7 day streak before relapsing twice the past 3 days and I really really feel like shit. I feel so lost, like being stuck in a dark and deep well, that I really just have no idea how I am going to escape from... This feeling sucks and what makes it worse is when I thought wow the previous time I was in NoFap 100days just came and went so easily, what has gotten into me now? Why am I so shit at this now?

    Before it happened today, I was still constantly telling myself right before I did it about just walk away from it, just dont do it since it really isn't worth the pain, not at all... But as if my inner demons just shut it right off and I just listened obediently to that demon. I really dont know how to be positive as I was anymore but I really am still going to try...

    I need some time off the grid to think about my life and really what I want to achieve in it first, it seems I really have underestimated this problem of mine just because I have conquered it once before. Maybe the saying really is right, a slacking champion will never stay as one. I need time to reflect my journey in NoFap and what I hope to achieve....

    I'll post again soon :/
     
    JWwantsalife, Jun 29, 2019
    JWwantsalife, Jun 29, 2019
    #2
  3. Jun 29, 2019 #3
    bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    I find a lot of people (me included) focus on nofap way too much.

    It leads to you putting pressure on yourself which makes nofap harder. It is much easier to fill your time with other activities as not only do you have less time in which you can PMO, but also you're more fulfilled which will mean you have less need for a crutch like porn.

    But those thoughts you have been having about 'being trapped' I relate to you man. I hate that desperation you have after a relapse and feeling like you're just trapped forever.
    The thing is we put nofap on a pedestal. We think if only we can get 90 days our life will become magically better. But this simply isn't the case. You need to have a complementary lifestyle for nofap to work. You cant spend all day at your PC, unfulfilled and with no social life and pile on the pressure and then get down when you fail. You get extremely lonely and bored, and as a result your body craves porn. it doesn't matter how much discipline you have at that point, you get in such a bad mental state that you will give anything to stop it... and guess what you relapse.

    I got to this stage and I kept on thinking porn was causing me to feel like this. but no. it was my lifestyle. I even remembered that before I started nofap I was a lot happier and tried just going back to porn, but I couldn't enjoy it. that was when I realized that nofap made little difference. I stopped pressuring myself so much about it and instead of worrying about 'resisting the urge for the next 90 days' I just take it day by day. it feels weird and sometimes I can feel myself really going towards looking at P but I dig deep and get through it.

    So what im saying is basically this. change your life. get busy, get interested, and make sure you exercise, eat plenty and socialize. with this, nofap will feel easier as you spend less time obsessing over it and more time doing stuff you enjoy. and then you will have little time and need to actually fap anyway so not relapsing will become easier as the days go on. after you have achieved a good streak, just remember to never relapse. it is never worth it and the feeling will always pass.

    I wish you luck man. I can relate to your story.
     
    bigboibez, Jun 29, 2019
    bigboibez, Jun 29, 2019
    #3

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