Lazyness in a life of 'luxury'

I remember when a few years ago, it felt like my psychologist was 'on' to me. Am I truly faking it? Or at the least exaggerating my 'poor' mental condition? Is my intelligent and cunning subconscious trying to get me on a permanent benefit income by trying to trick my own mind and those of others so I can be lazy and be permitted to do nothing for the rest of my life?

My dad told me many years ago something like; "You've got a comfortable life, probably too comfortable". I knew I had mental troubles back then, hell, even partly caused by him. I was emotionally drained, depressed, and had some sort of burnout. I was on a benefit income for many years, while struggling to overcome these things. I think though, that eventually the benefit made me lazy. The income is very low and barely keeps you 'alive' but the rest and quiet was nice. Maybe too nice.

Now since 2019 I'm working again, but still get support from therapists, and I don't have to work hard at all at my job. I only work parttime. On one hand I feel terribly lazy. I suspect I keep my negative state of thinking on purpose because it gets other people to help me with my life. I still am bottling up emotions, and am depressed because of this now and then. I do this because I fear someone will take advantage of or laugh at me while I'm vulnerable and showing any sign of 'negative' emotions, crying, being emotional, that sorta stuff.

I'm also terrified of any conflict because I don't want it to escalate into aggression (again). So I stay passive and sometimes people walk over me. It's not fun obviously.

Anyway, many of my free days I don't do much useful apart from watching TV, Netflix or YT, listening to music. Sometimes I play games, but lately that feels like a terrible waste of time. Especially in single player. I've got plenty of skills and experience to even set up a (online) business. But there's the problem. I get bored easily, give up easily. How does one overcome this?

It sure sounds like I have a luxury problem. What's the answer? How do you get out of the comfort zone? Has anyone experienced something similar? Go and do something is one thing. But to keep on going doing that same thing, that seems to be the hard part.

Thanks for reading!

 

Hey, I wouldn't say I grew up in luxury either, our family probably was in your average working class, but yeah we weren't poor.

I do have a job currently I've been working there for almost two years now. Anyway I do need to get back into action. Put myself in the saddle again like you also mentioned.

I need to remind myself every day to not be lazy. Not have 'self-pity' and that success isn't served but something you have to work for. So I printed it out in big letters on paper. It's hanging next to monitor on my desk. It's sort of a drill thing. It does help me get started. For how long it will be effective.. I don't know.

But talking about what's bothering you is also vital. Keeping everything inside will breed depression.

I do play football (not american football) every week, but I do intend to go outside more and take walks.

Regarding your situation; why does it have to be a 50h work week? Can't you work like 32 hours for example? Or do you live in a high expense area? Where I live it's not hard to find parttime jobs. I do have to admit that these jobs don't have much variety in the work itself. Like a warehouse or production 'treadmill' kinda job but there are also good ones, though they might require a (certain) degree.

Nice quote about those wolves.