I haven’t been on the forum in a long time, but I used to read most of these journals. Coming back last night and reading through, I was surprised to see (yet proud) how many of you veterans have finally left or are in the process of leaving their PA. And strangely, it gives me hope and encouragement because deep down, it’s what I’ve wanted for the past 7 years. Marriage is sacred to me and I poured in my entire heart and soul, every resource I had into making mine work. I knew that I had landed myself in a fucked up situation but I love my husband so I forced myself to focus on the positive, the vows I made, and to do everything in my power to fix us and create the marriage I imagined when I married him. But... almost 8 years later, I’m realizing that it isn’t possible. When only one person in the marriage values and honors the marriage, it won’t happen. When the other person instead consistently repeats actions that are known to drag down and break the marriage, as well as their spouse, it can’t happen. It doesn’t matter how many times he says he’s sorry and he will change. It’s not real. My life is real. My happiness is real. My value of a sacred marriage is real, and I will have that one day. I just don’t think I can force it with a man who has no problem neglecting and lying for the sake of thousands of naked women. I want to go. I don’t know how, but I’m going to spend this next year solidifying that decision and getting my ducks in a row. I’ve given him so much time. I started school two years ago and I told him straight up that my intention with this is because I want a divorce but I need to support myself, and he promised me that by then we would be good and he would change and make it all up to me. Well, I’m graduating in a couple weeks and look where I am. He knew what was at stake. And I guess he chose to once again not take it seriously. I’m hurt tremendously by his choices but it is what it is. I’m ready to move on.