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Leaving School Really Shows You the Damage - My Story of Addiction

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by AmIThrowingLyfe, Aug 19, 2018.

What age were you first exposed to porn that resulted in your addiction today?

  1. 5 - 10

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. 11 - 12

    33.3%
  3. 13 - 14

    33.3%
  4. 15 - 16

    25.0%
  5. 17 - 18

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  6. 19 - 20

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  7. 21 - 25

    8.3%
  8. 26 - 30

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. AmIThrowingLyfe

    AmIThrowingLyfe Fapstronaut

    22
    12
    3
    Hi everyone,

    I am a recent college graduate this summer, seeing the real (adult) world effects of porn use. For the past weeks since graduation, I have jerked off consistently at least 4 times a week. I have been fired, and now am slipping into major depression while searching for a new job. It all started with masturbation issues arising from porn. Long story below:

    As many others, I came to porn when I was young, at around 14. The Internet, in all its shine and glory, just one day decided to drop a provocative ad right on the sidebar when I was scrolling the web. After seeing that stimulating picture of a scantily clad women, I found myself drawn to nudity (I even got my first major boner at the same time). My eyes were glued to the mature scenes from the Departed and James Bond series.

    Things then took a turn for the worse in high school when I found porn on Youtube and Newgrounds. To the credit of Youtube, the porn was often not outright explicit with complete views of the genitalia. However, the suggestiveness of the videos gave me major boners. Newgrounds was a whole different story. There used to be a link (in small text) at the bottom of the site's page that linked to sexually mature content. I ended going on a binge of these games. They ranged from sexual RPGs to dress up games. I must have played at least 20 hours of that type of content in total. Thankfully in the present they have removed that feature by moving all the sexual games into the adult section, which requires an account.

    Then, shit really rolled down hill in college. Before I avoided porn sites in fear of the taboo of adult content and of viruses. When I got to college, I got a false sense of maturity that I thought I was completely fine watching said porn. I watched on "hub" and the "tube" sexual scenes on a regular biweekly basis. Hell there was barely a week where I was able to fully abstain from jerking off. This continued on for the next 4 YEARS!

    Looking back on it, it was clear that I was having a porn addicting. Heck when you can't stop jerking off for a full seven days for 4 years there is obviously a problem. It was a complete miracle that I manage to graduate on time from college as I often spent hours on porn, especially on weekends. What I should have done was spend more time with my friends. But being an introvert, I was scared to interact with a lot of people outside. I am sure porn definitely contributed to my poor self-esteem.

    Now that I am outta school, I am seeing first hand how detrimental porn has been. Whereas in school I could surf by completing deadlines at the last second, I could not at work. Once you are out of school you should be spending every possible opportunity to improve yourself to a greater standard. There are no more teachers or syllabuses to guide your time use. The whole impetus is on you and your own decisions.

    Unfortunately, this has lead my current cycle of depression and temporary happiness. I will try to abstain from porn or masturbation for a week, and by the second week you'll see me binge fapping to H-tai and just about every category possible.

    The real smack of reality came when I missed my report deadline by a week and was asked to resign from my job. Now as a depressed, unemployed graduate I really am in the ditch. Looking for a job regularly during the week and fapping on weekends is leaving me worse and worse every month. That is my whole story of addiction from start to finish.

    I just started a counter recently and will try to see if this works. Apologies if there were possible trigger words I used when telling my story. I kinda needed to rant about this shitty situation I find myself in.

    - Am I Throwing My Lyfe Away
     
  2. Joining this community will help you for sure! Congrats on your 13 days streak, keep it going.
     
  3. This communnity is going to help you alot! good luck and im happy that you made it on 13 days this journey is very hard so i'm happy for ya
     

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