Leaving. So very sad.

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Deleted Account, Apr 4, 2018.

  1. Hi SOs and PAs in recovery.
    I can honestly say hand on heart that I've done everything I can to try and save this relationship. Our 1st DDay was early and he promised to stop. He didn't. 2nd DDay he swore he'd stop. He never. We broke up for about 2 days. 3rd DDay was 11 weeks ago and it's been a staggered disclosure since. The staggered disclosure hurt the most. That and the length of time he stole from me dishonestly.
    But this doesn't feel good. It's not revenge or Seeya Later Jack. I'm heartbroken. But I have to make the right decision. While I'm with someone who's repeatedly lied to me, gave me hours of sleepless nights, went outside our relationship for his own sexual gratification and made me feel hideous as a woman, then I'm not with a man who will love me and prefer sex with me to wanking over other women. I want a man who doesn't mind faithful and thinks I'm enough for him.
    It's a long road and very painful. But I'm coming out of the darkness a little bit now that I've made my decision. I've put all the time & effort into his PA recovery and saving our relationship and he's done the bare minimum. Because it's just not that important to him.
    My conscience is clean. Now, I can walk away knowing that I was a loyal, honest, faithful partner and I forgave his stupidity again and again, but he couldn't stop PMO or lying.
    4 years ago I watched my grandma dying of cancer with too little morphine. Life can be brutal and is short. So fuck this, I'm off.
    BTW: For transitional support, I'm hanging around this site until I've settled in my new place. Thank you all for your stories, peace out X
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 4, 2018
  2. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    You have to do what is best for you. Sounds like you gave him plenty of opportunity. I hope things go well for you!
     
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  3. hope4healing

    hope4healing Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    I'm so sorry it had to come to this, but I truly admire your strength in standing up for yourself and saying enough is enough. You know that you did everything you could to try to save the relationship, but unfortunately, his part is up to him. If he won't follow through, you don't have to keep putting up with it. I know it hurts so much right now, but you will feel better at some point not having to deal with the hurtful unfaithfulness and deceit. Hang in there.
     
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  4. Thank you, to all you beautiful SOs.

    Having your support has given me the strength I've needed to get through this awful journey. Your experiences, kind words and raw honesty has softened the blow.

    Love & light to all X
     
  5. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Good luck and light in transition!
    *Hugs
     
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  6. Torn

    Torn Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like you tried harder than most women would. I know it’s disappointing, but I’m glad you’re trusting your gut. Good luck with everything!
     
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  7. TinaK... I'm so so sorry at what you have had to put up with, for so long.

    You can at least look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of who you are and of what you've done to try and make it work... and also what you've done to move on.

    Sincere condolences. Take care.
     
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  8. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    I know how hard this decision must have been for you.HUGS You have the Strength- go find your happiness!
     
  9. Jason Russo NYC

    Jason Russo NYC Fapstronaut

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    Sorry you had to make this final decision. It hurts now, but by the same time next year, you will be happy that you set yourself free.

    Wishing you the best in the coming days.
     
  10. Just me

    Just me Fapstronaut

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    My condolences. I don't know if it helps to reassure you, but if that line had been crossed in my relationship I would make the same call. I hope you get to healing.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  11. Ahh, everyone's been so sweet. Thank you all, wonderful people. With all the pain brought to this site, it's reassuring to know we can translate that into giving real, caring words to each other.
    I viewed an empty property today and will know on Tuesday if my application's been accepted. If so, I spend after work cleaning & painting it ready for moving in week commencing 23rd. Not much time. If I'm unsuccessful, I've got more viewings next week. Finding somewhere isn't difficult here. It's not like London :)
    I'm not overjoyed. In fact, I'm miserable. I'll have another few weeks of this but I think I'll heal so much faster after I've left. I hate not feeling at 'home'. He's said a couple of things this week that impressed me. He came back from work today after writing a list (he never writes anything) of things that would put me in a better place. He titled it, "Tina's Action Plan". It had things on like the gym, therapy, couple's therapy etc.
    Why has it taken him nearly 3 months?
    I think the difference is that I've been feeling the pain on a constant level for several weeks. I've chosen to process my heartache (I have to, or I'll drink on it). My PA avoids facing problems and his level of denial? Olympian standard. He's having his pain now he sees I'm not just bitching & moaning.
    But I'm still miserable. This is the way it's meant to be X
     
  12. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    I think it took him 3 months because you finally took real action and said enough is enough, and he's realizing that there are real consequences to his actions.

    That being said, props to you. You deserve better, and this pain is only temporary. I hope you find happiness in your future.
     

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