Left all alone

Deleted Account · Jul 3, 2016

Hello guys,
In the last few days I was relapsing neraly every 2-3 days. I can't force myself to socialize. All because I don't have any friends. And it's totally my fault. My job was more important than having fun with friends. Just got 21 few days ago and I feel like crap. I don't have willpower to do this challenge. I'm fighting with myself every time I want to relapse - it's something like taught movement from few years back. I've got a car, decent pay and starting from October I'm going to engineering school. But I feel like I'm not ready for all of this stuff.
I don't have anyone to talk to me. My "friends" are gone. All from high school or near my place of living.
My employer just took my client from me, where I had like 15 female friends. They were my reason to keep up this challenge. It's all gone. I think that's just wrong.
I'm tired. I don't have any purpose for doing anything. Especially this challenge.

vulture175 · Jul 4, 2016

@LongWayHome : i think we're on the same boat. i'm a loner too. got aggressive cuz being criticized by stubborn friends. basically i rarely talk during the day, totally no human interactions. "when we're stressed out, remember, we all gonna fucking die". and yes i follow you brother "i will try until i'm dead". hang in there.

Deleted Account · Jul 4, 2016

Thank you for reply. Today I'm feeling better. Had stressful meeting, but got through it. Everyone in work seems to be nicer than normally. I'm tired. I'm going on vacation in 1,5 month. Got some tasks to do and well... gonna do it. New people to meet and more work with new client...
I'm trying because I know it's helping me. I had streaks of 30, 40 and 50 days and life was awesome. It's hard to get through these first days. Need to learn everything again.

AnotherWay · Jul 4, 2016

I'm in the same boat too. I last between 2-3 days and then fail. I get the same thoughts running through my mind on whether it's even worth it. The sad thing is, in the early days I convinced myself that I could stop whenever I want. I didn't think that I would be compulsively consuming P for the next 6 years when I initially started. I'm afraid of myself. Scared of what I've dug myself into and worried about whether I could really stop. I'm hoping for a drug that can stifle my libido.

vulture175 · Jul 4, 2016

@AnotherWay : we gotta find a way to be fully in the present to be free from pmo. let's look at any addictions and hunger. let's say i'm not pmo for 3 months, i think that doesn't mean i'm pmo free for 3 months. in fact that means i repress pmo for 3 months. similarly, if i'm not eating for 3 days, i'm not food free, i just try to avoid eating. and we all know what would happen after that, we binge eating or binge pmo, and that is scary.
therefore, the solution to be free from addictions is spirituality. sounds so easy, yet so difficult. i know the right thing to do, i just don't do it

jfromcr · Jul 4, 2016

Hey @LongWayHome,

Let me just sit with you in the crap for a minute. It sucks when the world turns upside-down on you.

With that being said, it is my belief that life will look at your desire to change and become something more and respond with a challenge. "Do you really mean it?" "Are your serious?"

Give yourself some time to address the change then get back at it. You don't quit school just because you don't get perfect scores. Don't give up on yourself just because it takes practice.

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