Hey I’m new and this feels really awkward but… I’m aware of the negative effects of porn and I have been for a while now. I’ve known about this site for a few years already and have tried to quit multiple times. It’s amazing, I’ve abstained from alcohol since I was in my early 20s (I’m 34 now) and I even quit smoking weed cold turkey without a second thought, but I can’t shake this for the life of me. This is clearly my problem. I’ve basically been trying to quit on and off since 2013, and relapsing has affected my life in a crazy way. I’ve felt like such shit the day after a relapse that I’ve called out of work, so many damn times it’s gotten me fired at multiple jobs. I know it affects my motivation and performance. I’ve lost girlfriends due to this problem that I’m too ashamed to even tell them about. When I started watching porn in 8th grade, it didn’t seem like a big deal, but looking back I can even see how it was affecting me then (not as much interest in girls, poor performance in school, socially awkward, just didn’t do my homework at all). I always told myself it was normal because it seemed like other guys were watching it too, and not having these issues. One of my best friends always talked about watching porn and he was always getting girls. 20 years later and he can’t hold down a job and went through several bouts with a severe pill addiction. Maybe I need to tell him about nofap… Even crazier, it turns out that my dad had similar issues with porn, which I didn’t find out until recently (porn spamware was all over his computer). His relationship with my mom self destructed decades ago and that was likely a major factor. Porn is the new cigarettes. I’m really big into self improvement techniques, so I’m always trying new exercise routines, meditations, etc. and that little voice inside my head always tempts me to relapse, thinking that porn isn’t really the problem. It is, it’s always been. I’m here now because someone made a post about how actually being a part of this community was essential in their recovery. Even writing this now feels cathartic. I’ve kept a journal in the past and it’s always been helpful for getting stuff off my chest, and hopefully I can do the same here with this terrible addiction. This seems like a great community that I should be happy to be a part of. I have enough shame from this addiction, I should be proud of my fight against it. I’m tired of the anxiety and sexual issues, questions from my mom about when I’m finally going to settle down. This is humanly possible. If humans can go to Mars, I can beat porn. Thanks if you took the time to read all of that. I’m going to keep posting my progress here, this is day 1 for me.