Let it out

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Christ7D, May 16, 2019.

  1. Christ7D

    Christ7D New Fapstronaut

    Well, this is new for me so bear with me please. You can call me Christ7D. I been dealing with porn addiction for years now. It could easily been 11 years since I been doing this shit. I have tried it all but one thing: talking about it with realness. So this is it. I'm a woman and for so long I have struggled with these issues just as any other guy next to me. I decided to give this forum a try because I read in a Cosmopolitan post about porn addicts about withdraw symptoms... I don't even read Cosmopolitan at all, it just happens to be there in a random tweet.
    Also yesterday I was near an Alcoholics Anonymous group event and so, I saw the end of it, as everyone was leaving, I just... I felt like I was like them in a sense, I wasn't "superior" like a person without an addiction would feel (badly speaking). I knew what they have felt and the shame and way of how certain thing in your life that you cannot absolutely control and that hopelessness that you would have to go and have to shame yourself in order to sort yourself out and begin to change.
    But not all is in a bad tone. I see it now with a little bit of light and feel that I can change.
    Growing in a seriously christian family this is the worst thing after being homosexual (and just bear with me on this, I am not against all of that, dont put me on your labeler machine as a "extremist" and all of that shit because I am not that kind of person, a matter of fact Im really naive and don't like to label people, your actions are your actions and words cannot be just the thing we Condemn people.) In my household.
    And so, having this massive massive shame on the topic "sex" just make me do it behind closed doors.
    I was molested in my young years by 3 family members in different times. That too has contributed with me doing things I am not proud nor Relieve the enormous guilt I have for it. And I know it wasn't my fault, and I know I should have known better but we cannot change the past just built a better future.
    Acknowledging my facts has come handy in a way, so coming up clear with that addiction can improve my relationship with myself too.
    And its weird you know? Talking about it, looking about it. Im also proud for me because I am actively seeking a way to improve and for me that is a good thing.
    The consequences of PMO has done in my life has been... Idk, bad?
    Idk if it is normal being afraid of sex not only for the Imminent possibility of getting pregnant (and that is a big big fear for me) but having a disease like HIV.
    That has got me prone to reject good guys with good intentions (also bad ones that just wanted sex) and stopped feeling like is not worth it at all having to "hustle" to have a connection with someone, because that is what we want right? Meaningful conversations and connections with peers and lovers, but when you boil it down to "people just want sex" it ruins it for the good.

    And that happened to me, I could see the reasons, the bad ones, and left me with a bad aftertaste of the encounters I've have had. "Sexting" makes now want to throw up tbh and I dontd know, I feel tired of the World...and his people. (You get a point if you know the reference)

    Anyway, I will try to be better, I won't be so positive because I have tried to be "celibate" and that didn't worked (in terms of PMO).
    Also, Haven't had sex in like 4 years now, and won't be doing it not because I dontd have a special one ( I could easily have one) but because I am not interested rn, if I could find a way of stopped feeling like I need to PMO and at the same time feeling good, that would be helpful so in that regard would like to have advice.
    Thanks for reading this.
    MrBean likes this.
  2. MrBean

    MrBean Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    Welcome to NoFap, Christ 7D! :)
    If you need help in creating a plan for yourself to fight this addiction, please visit the women's reboot section link. It's contains journals of women fighting PMO addiction just like you. I hope you could gather the required info from there.

    If you require a general point of view on how to fight it and also require motivation then visit this:

    I'm so sorry that you went through that traumatising experience. I empathize for you.
    That's okay. Be comfortable under your own skin. Staying positive is important. But staying motivated is even more important.

    I hope this helps! You have a great day :)
    Christ7D likes this.
  3. Christ7D

    Christ7D New Fapstronaut

    Thank you very much, I will read all of it
    MrBean likes this.
  4. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

    Hi @Christ7D !

    There is lots to read ... but I'll point you to yet one more document to read ...

    If you haven't already done so, have a look at the "getting started guide" available on this site's (noFAP) home page. It includes a lot of useful information about healing from PMO-inflicted damages. Also have a look at the glossary (link in header of this page) for definitions of abbreviations and terms that may be unfamiliar to you.

    Read some things, and you'll undoubtedly have some questions ... Come back to these forums (and the others) and you'll find support, advice, and sharing.

    You've made a good decisions by being here. Go make some more good decisions.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.

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