Let's AP the shit out of each other, 23, male

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by bravastan, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. bravastan

    bravastan Fapstronaut

    23, male, Dutch
    I'm just beginning, could be nice to have another beginner.
    Or an old fart, teach me the ropes... not pulling rope O:)
  2. RememberWhyWeQuit

    RememberWhyWeQuit Fapstronaut

    Hey, how you doing i'm 19 years old and have been battling the same addiction you have. If you ever feel the need for assistance just P.M. We can beat this together. I am from Canada btw.
  3. Andras Vadim

    Andras Vadim Fapstronaut

    Hey bravastan and Porndestroyedme, got room for one more? Let's make a trio.

    I'm 25, male, from the USA. I'm in the same boat as you guys: I've been struggling with my addiction to porn and fapping since I was 12.

    Full disclosure: This isn't the first time trying to quit. For the past three months I've been indulging in my addiction shamelessly; I guess I gave up on myself. I don't know what led me to decide today to try to quit again, but I'm decided today's the day--day 1.

    If you keep me accountable, I'll keep you accountable.

    How's that promise sound to you?
  4. Andras Vadim

    Andras Vadim Fapstronaut

    New friends,

    My goal is a full 90 day reboot - to abstain from porn and masturbation for 90 consecutive days.

    What follows is my plan for carrying out this objective:

    • Use willpower to abstain.
    It's the simplest idea: say no to porn when the urge strikes. Specifically, use "I won't" power. The idea comes from a book I read, The Willpower Instinct. Here's a good summary video. This strategy relies on maintaining awareness of your willpower level throughout the day and being on alert whenever your willpower level gets low--typically at night. This is the primary strategy; all the other ones are intended to bolster or plug the holes in this strategy.

    Use the Panic Button in conjunction with this tactic, it'll help a lot. Also use deep breathing to calm yourself away from acting on an urge.

    • Censor and limit internet use.
    Via porn-blocking software and time-tracking software. I recommend K9 software for blocking porn from your computer; and focusd to regulate your internet use. Don't forget to install something for your smartphone as well! This strategy is intended to protect you from your impulsive self when your willpower is depleted. I intend to install it on all the devices I own and blacklisting all the porn sites I remember, including any websites with overly-tempting material. Loopholes will get plugged as I discover them. I'll also share my password with you two, my accountability partners, to ensure I can't betray myself in the middle of a persistent urge but I'm not completely cut off from my own internet.

    • Track your abstinence publicly
    This strategy helps one stay accountable and honest, as well as providing feedback about urges and a record of wins and losses. I recommend Fight the New Drug's concept of the Battle Tracker. Order a copy and use it daily. Also use NoFap's PMO Tracker, so that the number of days you've abstained is public and you own that number, whatever it is.

    Alternatively, what I suggest is to post publicly in a thread and rely on accountability partners. Require daily check ins and exchange contact details in order to rely on each other during the eventual moments of weakness and loneliness. (This is the tactic I'm asking your help with, bravastan and Porndestroyedme)
    • Mark boundaries and stay clear of them
    The 12 step groups have a concept of green/yellow/red behaviors. With their framework, it's possible to set clear boundaries:

    Green behaviors: exercising, reading books, socializing with people, eating nutritious meals
    Yellow behaviors: excessive hours online, tampering with porn-blocking software, staying up late, visiting tempting websites, eating poorly
    Red behaviors: visiting any blacklisted websites, unbuckling pants, stroking yourself

    Basically, green behaviors are activities that bolster your willpower. Yellow behaviors are activities that weaken or indicate that your willpower is low. Read behaviors are activities immediately preceding a relapse.

    So what do you think? Do you find this plan reasonable? I would like to ask your opinion about it, and whether you find it agreeable as the basis of a mutual commitment to each other.

    I am truly sincere about wanting to end my addiction. But after a long string of failures, I realize I can't do it alone anymore: I need your help. The addiction is strongest when we suffer alone, you know?

    Can I ask you two to join me in forming an accountability group?

    Let's help each other quit our addictions :emoji_slight_smile:
  5. bravastan

    bravastan Fapstronaut

    Use willpower to abstain
    I think saying no isn't enough.
    Well my though progress went like this: The horny sensation is the most active around the crotch (for me). Thus this feeling is heavily in the body while I think something like boredom is a mostly brain kinda thing. A long time ago I learned in a martial arts that adrenaline in the body has to go somewhere. So when somebody is angry it is hard to get them to calm down, you can see how their body shifts and turns and just isn't at easy. When you give this person a physical way to outward his feelings the feeling will go away. I treat the feeling of hornyness in the same manner. Whenever I felt horny I did 5 push-ups. It mostly worked and when it didn't I did 5 more. I kinda stopped doing this, maybe hence the relapse. Hope this helps :) I find that most of the tips you get here are about how to handle the brain but not the body, the addiction is from the brain, the feeling is from the body, work on both!

    Censor and limit internet use
    This is going to be a tough one but in the last few weeks I saw how much internet was influencing me. I already used Focusd, it has been installed for over a year on my computer now and in the end I just stopped using it because it. Maybe I should start again. Now I will ad porn sites to the list. Is the K9 software better?

    Track your abstinence publicly

    Isn't the PMO tracker enough?
    I really do want AP but for me exchanging contact info is crossing a personal boundary, it was already hard for me to make an account haha
  6. Andras Vadim

    Andras Vadim Fapstronaut


    It might sound silly but I'm really glad you answered.

    Reading over what you wrote, I find myself nodding in agreement. Plus you pointed out some weaknesses in the plan I overlooked. I got so fixated on willpower and the workings of the brain, that I forgot about the difficult of dealing with urges and feelings generated by the body. That's something that definitely needs to be considered!

    Use Willpower to abstain + self-control techniques to distract yourself and rechannel urges
    It's true, saying no isn't enough by itself. I know when the urge--the horny sensation around the crotch--arises, it's easy to say no but actually resisting the urge to act is extremely difficult. Trying not to think about porn simply leads to thinking about it more, in the same way trying to suppress thoughts about a pink elephant leads you thinking more about it.

    I should have mentioned "urge management" techniques in my plan. Despite the pretentious-sounding name, the idea is simple: distract yourself from acting on a urge by doing something incompatible with it. You gave a great example: exercise. Doing push ups every time you get an urge will certainly prevent you from watching porn at that moment--the challenge is to make it a habit loop, I suppose.

    Censor and limit internet use
    Hey, I used focusd too! Nice to know I'm not the only one lol. I think it's great for regulating time online in general, but I found it to be too easily circumvented when using it as a porn-blocker. Impulsive me is too good at disabling it in Chrome.

    K9 is superior in that there's no easy way around it. If you have sole access to your computer, I definitely recommend installing it. Plus it's free! And if you're comfortable with the idea, once we become more familiar we could exchange each other's passwords over PM so that you hold me accountable, and I hold you to the same. (It's up to you, so don't feel obligated to do this)

    Track Your Abstinence Publicly
    True, the PMO tracker is enough. The Battle Tracker thing is something extra I do in private. As for the public thread idea, I should have clarified that exchanging details meant sending each other PMs and perhaps if you're okay with it, messages over What's App or such. I don't want to impinge on your privacy or you on mine, so don't feel obligated to cross a personal boundary.

    But daily check-ins, or at least frequent ones, will definitely keep us accountable. It can even be on this thread right here. How's that sound?
  7. Chumanew

    Chumanew Fapstronaut

    Hey, I'm interested. I have been meaning business, total PMO since July of this year. I've had some success and some relapses. Sadly, I had one just an hour ago (PMO). I think what I need are accountability partners.
  8. Txqjacki

    Txqjacki Fapstronaut

    Just wanna point out; your body cant create feelings or cravings. Your body cant do anything, without the brain's input. Feeling horny or craving something is created subconsciously in your brain, but you feel it as a physical sensation in your body. Getting over an addiction is 100% a matter of rewiring the brain.
    If you still haven't found an AP I'd be glad to. I already have one, so maybe we could do a trio. Otherwise, I'll be fine keeping track of two AP's. PM me if you're interested.

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