Let's do this

Hey everyone,

I'm Phil from Germany, 30 years old and have been using porn since the age of 12 or 13 (not sure anymore, but pictures took 2 minutes to load ).
I think it really started in a positive way, but quickly evolved into a mechanism to compensate for loneliness and the lack of a physical relationship that i was longing for. Already then I realised that my masturbation behaviour was somehow unnatural or unhealthy.

At 14 I had my first relationship, and I learned that sex and sexuality is a far more rewarding experience when shared. Still, I kept masturbating, although not to a degree that felt negative. This started again, when I was living in a distance- relationship in my early 20s. I used porn to satisfy my sexual urges. I had had a very active sex live with my partner then and had a very hard time being by myself all of the sudden. But I think I was missing especially the emotional and non-sexual, physical contact. And this always became worse after masturbating and even led to an increasing emotional distance to my partner. We also had more problems in our sex life. Despite of the outstanding "quality" of the relationship, it could only take so much and fell apart some years later.
As a consequence, my porn use became heavier as did the negative consequences.

--At this point I have to say that distinguishing the many factors for my bad emotional state is quite hard and I don't want to blame it all on porn.--

Anyway, I did identify porn use as one factor and it was only then (2015) that I stumbled upon nofap. I eventually started and did a pretty nice first streak of around 4 months. I had an original goal of 6 month hard mode, but got a girlfriend and had sex after 4 months. I think I only entered the relationship because I was so horny told myself that I was healed. So unsurprisingly I ended it some 4 weeks later as there was no real emotional connection.

Then I went on to fapping again. Stupid. I really thought I'd do it just once.
So... here I am one year later, ready to start again.

As a new feature I want to include some other traits as well. Starting with my nofap committment I also quit pot and tobacco. These 3 addictions are my strongest ones. I have managed to quit each of them for some time, but never all together. I think this might really benefit the reboot, and I know it's gonna be a bitch (or rather I'm gonna be a bitch), but i've decided that it's the way to go and I'm confident that I can do it.

I'm looking forward to getting involved with the community (which I didn't last time). It strikes me to see how this community creates so much positive energy. Each of us has his and her own demons, but the good advice, love and motivation each one can create, surpasses that by far.
I know that I have good times and bad times. I think that if I share both with you we'll all walk out of here as better persons.

Cheers, Phil

P.S. Damn, writing this is much easier than it looks. I hope there were no casualties to boredom

 

Hey D.J.,
my main strategy to combat PMO as my personal enemy is to get involved here. I think by establishing a routine of coming here often, I will also turn to the community when things get rough.
Sharing here and seeing that I'm not alone is also a big step towards asking for help elsewhere. I mean I don't even have to be that explicit with my PMO problem, but I hope I'll rather run from my demons than give up, when I can't fight anymore. For example I'd ask a friend to talk or hang out.
Secondly I'll really stick to my set goals, especially time frame, no compromises or exceptions for good conduct or changed circumstances. As for PMO I'm also using the five second rule for sexual thoughts and fantasies.
Thirdly, I am employing other strategies to overcome tobacco and pot and will not have one potential failure affect the others.

To combat PMO as our common enemy, I regard an active participation in dicussions on this platform as a key component. Additionally, I do talk to friends about nofap, tell them what it does for me and ecourage them to check it out.

Does that answer your question? Do you have any thoughts on that? Thanks a lot for digging deeper!

 

What do you mean?

 

Another beautiful day at nofap's.
I'm very content with my decision and totally overwhelmed with all the good input here. Also I'm really happy that you are reading my story and even comment. That feels real good. Thanks for that!

When I went to bed yesterday, I was longing for a partner. Nothing sexual, I just felt like spooning and falling asleep together, knowing that everything is alright, at least in the microcosmos of the two of us.
That left me thinking that I'm addicted to the oxitocine rush after the orgasm rather than the dopamine during the climax. The longing actually vanished after that analysis.
Then sexy thoughts started to come up and, playing by the 5 second rule, I tried to make them go away. However, each banished sexy thought was followed by another one and I couldn't help it. Then I heard a noise that distracted me and they were gone. No more problems after that and during the day today.

I feel great and I hope I can use this momentum to get some more stuff moving in the right direction.

 

I agree and it's always good to sincerely reflect on the consequences of what we do. However, I tend to see and think about natural phenomena (as a psycological disease of a mammal in my personal case) more analytically most of the time. It helps me understand the reasons for my urges and, to a limited degree, feelings and makes decisions a lot easier.
But I suppose picturing PMO as an elusive enemy could really help with motivation when it starts getting hard. At those points, thinking analytically can also lead to your brain playing you and making you come to the conclusion that it's OK to compromise your goal. And at the end of the day, it is a very personal fight and we have all right to be personal and polemic about it.
It's just that we see so much sensationalised content everywhere nowadays, especially in contexts, where objectivity is paramount, that I tend to be a little allergic to exaggeration and placing topics out of context. So, sorry for the perhaps over-critical question and thank you for elaborating.