Exactly. Both people have to be on board for change to happen. I made it clear to my SO, @ReturningToEarth, that if PMO was more important to him, just say so and I will leave. No retaliation, no mention of his PMO to others (except to my parents because I tell them everything). Or he can make a commitment to change, not for my sake, but for his own personal growth and recognition of self worth. Only if he continues to lie and be deceitful, then yes, I will tell everyone who asks exactly why our marriage ended. Ultimately this journey is for us, but right now it's really primarily for him to understand that he is worth being loved and how to handle stress and uncomfortable emotions in a healthy, productive way. I can stand behind someone making progress to better themselves, even if I'm hurt a little in the process, but if I'm completely neglected and disrespected I have enough self-esteem to know I don't deserve that kind of treatment. I'm not the kind of wife who punishes by withholding sex, I don't talk down to my spouse in public or when discussing him with my friends, I am open to explore new ventures in our life that he's interested in as long as they are also in my comfort zone, I can find attractiveness in all people without lust, and I tell him everyday I love him and mean it. So if I can't get that in return, whose the one stuck in prison? Not him. And I will not allow that for myself either. At this point in our relationship I feel that if someone feels they are in prison, it's one they built for themselves. Both of us are adults with free will. If we choose not to use it, it's our own fault. Hope that answers some of your questions @Shockedbuddy. Keep the questions coming if there are more. This community is happy to help!