Let's talk about Boundaries

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Kenzi, Jun 23, 2017.

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  1. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

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    I meant that if he lies to me then the consequence is that i talk to a friend about the issue?
     
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    This does not make sense
     
  3. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    I do see a lot of excuse making.
     
  4. WifeInTheDark

    WifeInTheDark Fapstronaut

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    If that's the clearly understood consequence between you....everyone's line in the sand is different and everyone's set of consequences can be different. The point is that you have to be specific in communicating to him what the consequences are.

    As the SO of a PMO addict, YOU have to decide on a fair consequence and how much you are willing to put up with
    and you have to communicate that proposed consequence to your partner beforehand.
    ....otherwise, it could be construed as just a form of getting even and seem petty.
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2017
  5. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Glad to hear things are taking a turn for the better!

    Yes! And then there are the ones who get butt hurt for us calling them out and get all stompy foot and loudly declare they are leaving and then immediately create a brand new account with a new name hoping we are stupid enough to not know it's them. We know.
     
    SOSo, phuck-porn! and WifeInTheDark like this.
  6. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

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    In what way? Me making excuses or him?
    There has to be a deterant to lying.
    Lying to me feels neccessary to him but shows a complete lack of respect and weakness. Me confiding in friends about this PMO issue feels neccessary to me but also shows a lack of respect and weakness. So maybe its a fair swap, truth in exchange for confidentiality?
     
    SOSo likes this.
  7. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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  8. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

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    I know! Total denial.
    My SO is a strong, fearless and determined man, but has been running away from this problem for years. Im hoping after our talk the other night he will make the first step to undersyand what is going on. I think he will be relieved when he actually reads up on what is causing the problem.
     
  9. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    I'm not an addiction expert but generally the addiction is a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with feelings and emotions.
     
  10. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    Y e s yes yes. It's hard to even admit you have a problem when it stashed away your pain and issues.
     
  11. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

  12. Ambrosia

    Ambrosia Fapstronaut

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    @Kenzi Thank you! The boundaries list looks helpful. We're going to talk about it tonight. I don't think he'll be thrilled but he said he's willing to do whatever it takes.
     
  13. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    My SO also has another list of lists, in Reboot in Relationships, I just put up today... He's a year plus PM free.
    When you are a little more familiar with the site I'm sure you will find it.
    @AnonymousAnnaXOXO also has some great resources she can share, her SO is over a year PM free as well.
    I'll tag her in your original thread.
    You are very welcome :)
     
  14. Ambrosia

    Ambrosia Fapstronaut

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    My SO doesn't access threw my computer, rather, his cell phone. Is there a way to know if he's cleared his history?
     
    fadedfidelity likes this.
  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Yes.
    Android or ios
     
  16. Ambrosia

    Ambrosia Fapstronaut

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    Android
     
  17. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Pm me
     
  18. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

  19. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

  20. Johns80

    Johns80 Fapstronaut

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    All of this. I don’t have a list of specific boundaries...just a hard line, you do it again (in any fashion) I’m gone. :/
     

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