Thank you for that. I try to remind myself when I feel like I can't deal with this anymore. I'm doing better than I could have anticipated and I am grateful that I have the strength to face these issues head on and take appropriate action. Unfortunately my partner doesn't have the same strength, it seems more and more obvious that he is suffering from severe Trauma that he has been bottling up his entire life, that when he does open up about it, it causes physical discomfort (migranes, nausea, stomach burning) and almost uncontrollable negative emotions, mostly anger and severe sadness (he starts crying and clenching his fists and punching furniture). I truly feel that I do not know how to help him, because whenever we have these fights, it goes into a territory that I am not trained to deal with. It feels like I am making things worse for him, making him face these demons. He has lied to me again, he had a relapse where he quickly "glimpsed" at porn and at escort websites, which he uses as "Porn", doesn't actually have an interest in it, he just has the Pornographic fantasy associated with it. But I had asked that he be forthcoming if he does slip up and I told him I won't get mad as long as he is honest. Well, that was asking for too much, and even though I asked him twice, if he had a slip up, or if he feels like he might slip up - he lied and said no. I had a gut feeling yesterday morning and decided to take a look at the computer and came across a very disheartening conversation he had with one of his coke-head co-workers a week or 2 ago where he asked for the drug a few times (didn't get it), and both "joked" about a client that had posted nude photos online as she was a model or whatever, basically objectifying her the way men like this do. He has agreed to going to couples counseling, our first session is Saturday. My trust is now beyond broken, and because of my co-dependancy issues I am terrified of ending the relationship, even though I feel like there is nothing here for me anymore, and I am not at all comfortable with setting boundaries. I don't trust him, I don't want to control him, I want him to just fucking be responsible and honest, but obviously this cannot happen. So I really don't know how to proceed. I just want to be alone. I just want to take care of myself. I feel like I cannot fix him, truly, and I don't want to. I want him to fix himself. I also feel stupid for wasting so much time thinking this relationship was going to last. I don't know how to reconcile all these aspects. I'm hoping therapy will help, I have hope that it will, but I really don't know if I'm willing or capable of sticking it out however long it take - it will take a lifetime....this is never going to go away completely. </3 I do not know how to put that in a perspective of acceptance, it just hurts a lot.