Let's talk about "triggers!"

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by FeatheredTalo, Jan 5, 2018.

  1. FeatheredTalo

    FeatheredTalo Fapstronaut

    Hey everybody! Being that I am at odds with my masturbatory skills, I've discovered different images/items/observations that make me think about want to use porn.

    Being that we are addicts, I noticed a number of people using the word "trigger" to reference their thoughts on this. I find this apt and appropriate since--arguably--addicts are the victims of trauma due to the dependent nature that allows them to dissociate from their episodes. Whether it be alcohol, drugs, relationships, or in my case porn, addicts have a cycle of mistrust on anything other than their addictive behavior; "you can always fall back to it to feel better." Psychologically, our brain provides us with cue cards to promote those thoughts and feelings to bring us back into the cycle; we feel negatively towards an event that reminds us of an event/time/place reminding us of our lack of self-worth or feeling of powerlessness and give into the addiction--that's what happens with triggers. But what causes addicts like me to find those cyclical patterns?

    For me, I'm still trying to identify these things in my daily life, but before I give an example for this thread, I want to clarify that there is a journalistic review in my own head to my own psychology for why I turned to porn (i.e., parents were divorced, mommy never really loved me, girlfriend cheated on me and there was no one--not my own examples, but whatever...), but I hope to avoid those and instead promote:
    • labeling and identifying your triggers--what makes you think of porn?
    • why do those things make you think of porn?
    • what preventative measures or steps have you done (will you do) to help keep that urge at bay and separate the trigger from the addiction?
    Use this thread as tool of your own discretion; either as a single entry monologue or a daily journal check-in. I hope this will help and encourage others to develop away from their addiction, to promote a safer and more connected, emotional state for our world.
  2. FeatheredTalo

    FeatheredTalo Fapstronaut

    Here's a brief list of mine:

    Watching a graphic sex scene on TV, looking at an attractive model, seeing tig o' anime bitties on my screen, looking up to see someone I think looks like a porn star I used to frequent, hearing the sounds of sex from neighbors, and (ironically) thinking of my partner and/or former partners.

    Now, most of these are media induced and I've been hot-wired since I was in puberty to associate the sounds and sights of sex as "arousal." That being said, I get frustrated with the amount of media I see that makes it SO EASY to sexualize throughout our viewing pleasure. If I had a nickle for every 2D cleavage I was exposed to as a kid, I would be filthy stinking rich (its difficult being a fan of anime and taking the PMO challenge). Of course, I want, very much, to make sure that my thoughts are flipped to something else immediately, so that's what I do--I change the channel, the video, the picture to something else to preoccupy my mind. I work out, I languidly read and take my time making my breakfast and tea; I relax.

    Thinking of my partner is a new one that I am still not sure how to deal with. Every morning after a break up, I would realize what time it was, hit my phone or ipad up and start jerking it as a way to start my weekends. It was because I didn't have anyone else next to me in bed. I don't have anyone to touch or feel next to me and it makes me sad, alone, and pitiful. I believe that in myself somehow, consequently, my failures to my former partners is what caused me to be a porn-addict. That I was so insensitive and terrible that I may as well keep being a worthless pile of garbage. But I'm learning to cope and learning to try different things out of my bed so as to avoid that spiral again--reading, writing, working out. It's been a bumpy road to where I am and I want to be better. For myself. Not just them.
  3. Thrawn88

    Thrawn88 Fapstronaut

    My triggers are:

    - attractive models on Facebook and Instagram (I delete my Instagram account not only for my journey but is it a strong trigger in my opinion)
    - sitting alone at home
    - spending many time on internet (social network, forums, video games etc.)
    - cognitive stress in my studies
    - boredom
    - attractive women in TV specially Netflix series ...
    - alcohol, a hung-over turns me on and my thoughts circle about porn, porn, porn...

    I forgotten my strategies to handle it... :)

    I already sad i deleted my instagram account. its a soft-porn-app in my opinion.

    To handle boredom and stop to be alone i have to meet friends or go out and go for a walk or something.

    Attractive models are very present in social media and TV. I have to limit the time on electronic devices!
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
  4. B better

    B better Fapstronaut

    My triggers:

    • Struggling to get to sleep
    • Anxiety
    • Stress at work
    • Boredom
    • Daydreaming
    • Hearing or seeing certain words, website names or names of actresses
    • Being alone
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
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  5. Thrawn88

    Thrawn88 Fapstronaut

    I know this triggers very well! I think that certain words or names of models are present everywhere on the internet. u have to limit your internet time, i think.
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
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  6. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

    I think speaking for me Instagram is the worse because it will fill your explorer page with porn basically
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
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  7. B better

    B better Fapstronaut

    Does anyone else trigger themselves sometimes. I mean that even if you have no urges, you sometimes go into your memory and replay an old scene or picture a favourite actress? I should be trying to forget all this stuff but I can’t help myself sometimes, if I’m honest I really miss porn and still look back on it fondly even though I know I’m my head and my heart it is an awful, life-ruining thing. It’s like I’m grieving over the loss of a relative who used to abuse me, and this sometimes makes me think that I’m not ready for nofap and I’m just a relapse waiting to happen.
    Immature likes this.
  8. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    After months of relapses I came to understand my cycle...

    When I feel bored, depressed, anxious, angry, sad, or aroused, I turn to porn to numb myself with masturbation.

    When I say porn I talk in the broader sense.

    1-Any image showing a woman in a provocative gesture or outfit and or lack of clothes.

    2-Any audio dialogue sexual in nature.

    3-Any video sexual in nature.

    If I avoid these things when I experience those emotions above, I prevent myself from being triggered.

    If Im aroused, the act of seeking porn further increases the desire to masturbate, to an unbearable level, so much it feels like I can no longer control myself, I call this the point of no return.

    If I dont watch any porn material, my arousal fades over time, sometimes minutes, sometimes hours, it depends really.

    Once its gone I feel fine and move on.
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  9. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

    do you workout have hobbies or do things that contribute self improvement these are all healthier options to deal with triggers because we all have to have a health coping mechanism because we are susceptible to those feelings and they always pass sometimes a sec an hour days or weeks but what's important is to be doing things that keep you off porn until you give yourself a good enough reason to stop you get caught in the cycle it's hard but it's definitely possible
  10. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    I work out and try to keep busy, but when I got nothing to do and get urges I take a nap. Maybe an hour or two, it really helps, but during my nap I have to concentrate hard to not think of pornographic thoughts.
  11. Thrawn88

    Thrawn88 Fapstronaut

    Oh yes, i know this very well! When I masturbated I imagined old porn scenes with porn actress. Sometimes this images come in my head and this triggers urges!

    Don't stop the thoughts or urges, otherwise u will focus too much on it. You have to let the urges and thoughts pass by, and than u do something else.
    Hitto likes this.
  12. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

  13. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

    Or acknowledge that thoughts are there and focus on your breathing and the energy throughout the body and realize this thought is your egoic mind trying to survive your identity to porn that's all it is because deep down are true selves know we can get better without looking at it I've learned your mind is a beautiful thing but most of the time it needs to be shut off because letting your thoughts control exhausts a lot of mental energy
  14. FeatheredTalo

    FeatheredTalo Fapstronaut

    Thank you all for your input so far!

    I have to agree that a large perpetrator for me is social media. To all who are quitting any social media to conquer their porn addiction, I believe it is a good step towards bettering the value of yourself--instead of looking inwardly, you are now moving away from that dissociated behavior to making sure you are better.
  15. soberhenry

    soberhenry Fapstronaut

    I think that's the whole purpose of the reboot. I mean we should all be trying to quit for life but some of us can't view it like that because it's too overwhelming. Focus on your reboot but don't think about the next 30, 60, 90 days etc. Stay focused on getting through the next 24 hours. When you get to your reboot goal you will then have to asses whether you are quitting for life or wether you want to go back to your old "foe/friend". You can't make this decision from inside the addiction, you owe it to yourself to reboot before choosing paths. Good luck!
    Hitto likes this.
  16. B better

    B better Fapstronaut

    That is exactly the problem, I know all the bad things porn has done for me but I still can’t help but miss it and wish I was still watching it, it’s highly illogical and shows how addictive it is. It’s the same as a heroin addict, they can be clean for 20 years and still miss it even though they know they are in a much better place. You’re right, one day at a time and hopefully I will get to a point in this process where my brain can accept that I don’t really need it or miss it at all
    soberhenry likes this.
  17. rishi123

    rishi123 Fapstronaut

    Yes. True...all these are triggers...for me it started with domestic violence in home when I was young......the external world is of no use to us.....ruining our life at young age.....
  18. Ragnar.Lodbrok

    Ragnar.Lodbrok Fapstronaut

    My triggers were:

    1. Stress: If I was struggling with a task and if I had a deadline (for example, if I was writing an exam, or if there was a report that I need to submit). This was my biggest trigger and would often cause me to binge masturbate.

    2. Feet: As I have a foot fetish, if I saw a girl with pretty feet or shoe-playing it would trigger me.

    4. Low self-esteem and loneliness: If for some reason I felt self-pity and an inferiority to others, that would trigger me. The ironic thing is that if I masturbated that would just make me feel even more pathetic and I would get stuck in a loop.

    4. Boredom: If I don't have any work to do or anything to distract me, I would turn to masturbation.

    5. Being alone in a room: Can't masturbate in public, so as soon as I was alone that would be a trigger.

    6. Lying in bed at night before sleeping, normally with a laptop: Eventually I would get stuck into a routine where I would masturbate every night before sleeping, which made sleeping without masturbation difficult.

    Today, I feel I have made significant progress with most of these. I truly believe that after doing a complete reboot I will be able to eliminate any urges that these situations create. All except one. I won't lose my foot fetish. It is a part of me that I now accept and am not ashamed of. However, I will be able to control my urges in non-sexual environments and not act like a creep.

    Things that have helped me so far:
    1. No PMO - this is helping me to rewire my brain and boost my self-esteem.
    2. Meditation before sleep - this has helped me to lower my stress, boost my self-esteem and clear my mind before bed.
    3. Positive affirmations - this has helped me boost my self-esteem.
    4. Watch motivational videos - this has helped me boost my self-esteem.
    5. Exercise - substituting endorphins from PM to endorphins from exercise.
    6. Spending less time on the computer before bed.

    It's a work in progress.
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2018
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  19. B better

    B better Fapstronaut

    I’ve identified another trigger for myself, what day of the week it is. For years some of my favourite websites have released their new updates on specific days, and I would be sat at work just salivating at the prospect of getting home to see it. Sometimes there will have been a preview so I would know what to expect, other times I would be completely in the dark about who or what I was going to see, and that would all add to the arousal. In my 2 weeks of hard mode so far, I have found myself with particularly strong urges on Tuesdays and Fridays lol, and I attribute that to this
    FeatheredTalo likes this.
  20. It used to be a ritual before bed. Nude/sexy pictures had never been a trigger for me.

    Last night, I relapsed. The triggers were my thought about a girl I like.
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