Letting Go and Moving On (PMO)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by JL94, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    I've been battling this habit back and forth, convinced myself that it's a healthy habit just to now go back to that it's an awful habit. I'm feeling more and more convinced right now that porn isn't good for me at all. There are too many studies confirming this, just now i saw a youtube video by Mouthy Buddha discussing that Porn Is Poison.

    Now I have a girlfriend meaning that my goal isn't to stop having sex and orgasming but definitely to stop watching porn all together. I don't know if i should stop masturbating then and if i should masturbate to erotic stories.

    I mean right now I'm honestly out in the dark and looking for some assistance. Because I know myself and my habits, my porn "addiction" comes from not being in control or not having it the way I want it to work and dominance behaviors from my early days of being bullied I like to watch porn that is dominant and sometimes demeaning to women in the manner of forced, dominance, public and so on.

    If I tell myself that it's okay to masturbate, than my brain will ask can I masturbate to erotic stories? or should I just masturbate to my own fantasy if i even should masturbate at all? Because one thing is for sure i really like my girlfriend and I'm not going to stop having sex anytime soon with her but I still don't want to watch porn if it has such a negative effect on the brain.

    My brothers, my friends, my companions, my relatives in war,

    Do you have any tips, kind words?

    I would be appreciative because this is like starting all over again and I don't honestly even know how to start.

    Thank you for reading,

    Yours Truly

    JL94
     
    4DCreator likes this.
  2. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    P.S.

    Oh yeah and lately I just don't sleep, I don't if it's the porn or what it is but my sleeping patterns are f***ed up.
     
  3. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Day 6 without PMO, I'm feeling great, very energized sometimes I don't know how to dispose of that energy. Just now i decided to go and work out for a little because I felt bored and my body needed a little exercise. It's been a while since I've been this focused on doing all of my tasks, it's as if all of my energy is going to what I want to do and less time procrastinating on shit that I don't need.
     
  4. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I can proudly say that it's been 1 month and 9 days since i last watched porn. It is still tough tho, there are days when the urges come back. Last night I dreamt that I was watching pornography. The emergency button here is very good for that, when urges come. There was something i just read that gave me some inspiration.

    "The desire will always be there, be it anyway. It's not about beating the desire, it's about controlling it."
     
  5. Guysavi

    Guysavi Fapstronaut

    Excellent that u abstained from porn. There's no fit all trick that works for everyone ; it's you who has to decide. Best of luck. Please pray for me also :)
     
  6. thedarkbird

    thedarkbird Fapstronaut

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    Good going :) Strange that no one answered your questions though.

    To masturbate or not to masturbate is somewhat of a personal thing. Many people here swear by abstaining from it, at least for a while, and some keep not doing it for more than a year or so (ouch!).

    I do masturbate, though not very often. HOWEVER, I do not do it on sex stories since they're a substitute for porn. Been there, done that, and I relapsed to porn eventually. I also do not fantasize about porn, since... again, it's substituting.

    I masturbate when I'm horny and I don't fantasize during. I may think about a recent sexual encounter, but only about what really happened, not fantasizing it out.

    This works fine for me. But again, it's very personal. So do whatever works for you. Just, be honest with yourself, do not substitute.
     
  7. Congratulations on making it this far. I'm married and went with the no P or M method. Which has worked great. She also knows everything about what I was doing now which helped our relationship improve exponentially. Not to say everything has been easy, but definitely worth it.
     
  8. fireblaster

    fireblaster Fapstronaut

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  9. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for all your kind words, but now i've relapsed and again on day 1. I recently watched this video after relapsing got me some thinking if you'd like to watch it, i'll link it here:



    It isn't easy, my girlfriend says that it's okay to masturbate and nothing to be ashamed of and i do believe that yet it's hard for me to find a balance.

    I am going to try and find that balance even when i'm with myself. Just to masturbate on the tips you said thedarkbird. Fireblaster I will read your post now by a glance it seems great.
     
    Guysavi likes this.
  10. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Three weeks since my latest masturbation and it's hard right now. I'm struggling with temptations... Still at it tho reading what you wrote. It's helping me a lot on the way, thank you for all of your help.

    I just read this, it helped me:

    https://smartrecovery.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/basics-of-rebt.pdf

    I had to take a pause from everything to read that so that I wouldn't end up masturbating, it's quite hard now but three weeks is still very good. I'm working at it.
     
  11. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    It's 16th of october and this time I held out much longer. The electronical devices are poisonous. They're making it really hard to quit. And the dopamine. Having sex with my girlfriend haven't had that much of an effect on porn from what can I understand. I think it more has to do with me.

    I'm REALLY trying here, I was almost 90 days porn AND masturbation free alone (not counting with my girlfriend and stuff). To be honest as much as I have failed I still take pride in that I've come really far on this journey and that I'm stubborn and won't quit that easily.

    If you have any more tips, I'm all ears, Well cheers to day one from tomorrow !
     
  12. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    13th of november and I relapsed, well hopefully 3rd time is the charm for me guys. I'm going at it. From now on, it's not in my hands anymore. I will need assistance from something higher than me. I can't do this alone. This is hard. Because it's not just about masturbation, porn and all of that. It's about me and my frustrations they're getting less and less. I'm starting to feel better and better.

    These past months every time I've relapsed I've only relapsed that day and no more. It's starting to feel weird to masturbate like this for me. I think that this might be the charm for me guys this third time. I'm finally feeling more hope than I've felt in a long time fighting this even if I've just relapsed.

    It's as if I can feel the light at the end of the tunnel and that I'm going for it.
     
  13. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I almost relapsed today, I felt lonely and wanted to watch porn. I started at IG watching sexy pictures but I was saved by a call. Gotta keep going.
     
  14. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Relapsed twice today instagram, vkontakte, youtube. It all triggered me and being by myself. And pictures just of ladies, ads primarily when watching tv-shows or other videos.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2018
  15. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Relapsed twice today to pornography same process with social media. Now I'm going to abstain from my habits of porn, masturbation and orgasm. This will be harder for me but I'll do my best, I don't wanna give in or give up.

    This is a hard war, I've been doing this for 10-13 years more or less. It's a tough fight but I need to fight for myself and regain balance within.
     
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  16. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    It's been 10 days now, I've almost relapsed to orgasm with a girl I'm seeing, and also masturbation. But I refused somehow, took a cold shower, did something else. I'm way less on social media nowadays, I'm trying to eliminate my triggers and focus on something else, something that I like. Hanging out with friends, making music, playing video games. Basically trying to enjoy myself with other stuff.
     
  17. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed completely... three times... I also O'd once before just have to pull myself up again. It's hard to resist the urge, I held out for a long time before finally giving in. I want to be stronger, I guess only practice can make perfect and a lot of hard work and dedication.

    I think I'm afraid of my urge which has made it hard for me to accept it all these years. It's okay to have urges and that I am the way I am, but I don't wanna watch porn when I'm older or cum to that even, that just seems awfully depressing, I want to be more than that.

    I think I need to find my own method here, and face my fears. I need to accept my triggers and that I am a sexual person but that it shouldn't take over me that I'm in full control of my body and it's fluids.

    P.S.

    I O'd now the 7th january with the girl I'm seeing.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2019
  18. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I O'd today again, it's really hard when you have someone that you can have sex with to not O. The good news is, I haven't watched porn in 2-3 days, little steps.
     
  19. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed again twice and O'd before even with the girl I'm seeing, back to day 1.
     
  20. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I have been PMO free for 22 days and today I O'd with my girlfriend. The weird part was that it didn't feel all that great. At least not as nice as I thought it would have. I guess I can't control how I will feel even if I think that I can. Haha funny somehow, it's like a rat race trying to control something out of ourselves which is basically not only impossible but unnecessary. It's just about enjoying life. Well it's day 1 again.
     

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