Letting Go and Moving On (PMO)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by JL94, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Well complete reboot now again... relapsed three times...

    It was when I layed to bed that the habit came back and I was alone. That it's okay to masturbate, watch porn and all that. Also I had this motivational quotes paper sticking to the computer that became unstuck today. It triggered me a little and the fact that I have had sex with my girlfriend and O'd.

    This is really difficult, I think I'm going to try and go easy on me and try to abstain from P and M at the moment. And not be to hard on myself if I fail cause I give myself so much guilt if I fail like I don't accept being human at all and having flaws.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2019
  2. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed twice today, it started with a pop-up window of pornographic images that I wasn't ready for, then I talked about masturbation with my girlfriend which was great but I talked too much about it which triggered me. But I didn't do it then, no, no, no it's the bed. I layed myself in bed and all of it pretty much started there. So I need to remind myself to not have my computer in the bed and sit on the couch instead.

    The first masturbation didn't feel great at all, I mean it can feel great to release the tension but this time it felt okay. The second one felt way better, I will have to fight harder and make it a no choice soon enough. I guess I'm on my way forward. I'm getting better and better at this, knowing my strengths and weaknesses as well as limits (why I'm doing P and M abstaining at the moment). To me this is the hardest thing to quit so obviously failure along the way is expected but I believe it will get much better as I progress.

    I need to understand that masturbation is no longer a choice for me and neither is porn. It might be out there but that doesn't mean I consume it. I do other things, I live my life, handle my problems, and don't run away. I'm prioritizing myself. That's a hard thing to say and achieve but that is what I'm truly aiming for and that is hard but I do really love myself and deep in my heart I believe that I deserve better than this, and people all around the world deserve better than this, no one should go through working in a business environment such as degrading as pornography.

    We all deserve better. I truly believe that which is why I really want to quit it for good and masturbation for the sake of well being and replacing that with better habits.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2019
  3. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed again tonight, didn't feel too good. I'm on my way just took a little longer than expected, I couldn't sleep tonight. I was bothered over and over again and that triggered me which made first go to youtube and then yeah porn. I'm working on this and I still believe I deserve better.
     
  4. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Today I relapsed, I tried my hardest to not watch pornography, I got triggered and started watching IG and then Youtube and just as I was about to continue into the video, I get a suggestion about a doctor called Sam something talks about the negative effects of masturbation. I really wanted to masturbate but after that I knew that I couldn't do it to a video which then would become porn, so instead I read a sexual story. Which to me is a strong improvement, STRONG. Because the decision to watch porn from YT is easy or IG to YT but the leap from IG to YT to Porn is hugeeee especially to porn. And the leap from IG, YT to sexual story is hugeeeee. Yet just of a click button such power from a small decision.

    The point is yes I relapsed and now on my way to improvement. I'm happy that I didn't support pornographic videos and that culture. The decision was hard to make at the moment yet somehow I succeeded. Time to move on to new beginnings. Even if I'm crawling, taking baby, baby steps. I'm still moving forward and that to me feels amazing, it feels great.
     
  5. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed twice to pornography today, I got triggered by a tv-show on Netflix. Well it doesn't matter, point is now I just felt how pointless it felt to cum. I mean I want to achieve dopamine and be happy but not through releasing my cum that just feels stupid. I think I should hold that precious liquid in for myself or releasing it for making children cause just masturbating and releasing it feels absolutely pointless unless maybe if you do it sometimes with a girl then it can be cozy sometimes.

    Damn the second time around I watched the same video, or close to it. It was not smart but I mean. Now I felt as if the urge isn't mine, it just is. Which makes the idea of masturbation perhaps not mine. I gotta watch out for that, that means I'm my own worst enemy. There ain't no way around this... It just bothers me all there is is vigilance, resilience, hard work and patience. I'll get you URGE!!!

    Anyway does anyone have tips how to release dopamine except for meditation, food or exercise, I would like to learn and know more. Because this is just getting frustrating... I don't wanna keep going back and forth with this crap. I am good as I am and I love myself as I am, I deserve better than this. Like I deserve to feel absolutely great and balanced at all times. Me Love Me Yeyyy!!!
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2019
  6. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Hi you guys,

    I've just relapsed completely again, twice this time. It's getting better, I try not to blame myself as much and understanding that the urge isn't me. I need to find other ways to release energy or forget about things an activity in which I move at nights when I'm over energized or can't sleep. I think walking may do or hanging out with someone. I tried to reach someone last night to hangout but he didn't answer and I didn't bother to call again because I didn't wanna hangout maybe next hangout anyways or take a walk.

    The stress of school, searching for a job, not having money is killing me, it takes on me a lot. I'm investing everything in to doing music but it also eats on my soul and well-being. The night before this I almost didn't sleep for 24 hours, I slept for three then got up and did the same thing as the day before video-editing.

    I mean and I have my exam to complete this year and other assignments and real life issues. Maybe that's what I need to do, talking about my problems instead of holding them in, like I'm doing to you right now and showing myself vulnerable and love to myself that it's okay to feel this way. Usually I hold emotions in and don't talk about the true stress of my own life because I don't wanna bother anyone or feel like I have to be strong and not say anything but maybe just maybe there is strength lots of strength in being truly vulnerable.

    P.S.

    I'm still doing no masturbation and porn for now.

    If you have tips or anything encouraging to say please comment I would love to hear your opinions.

    Thanks Internet,

    See u later yours truly,
    JL94
     
  7. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    I don't masturbate when I feel lonely or tired. Not alone but lonely. I just relapsed. I need something like that, simple and easy doesn't matter where I am, with people or alone. I just don't do it when I feel lonely, it's just not me.
     
  8. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Wow 3 weeks, it's amazing how far I've come now for me. It's hard now when I'm alone but I'm going to try and do things and think about something else. Handle life instead.
     
  9. JL94

    JL94 Fapstronaut

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    Relapsed twice one yesterday and one the day before yesterday, I'm abstaining longer and longer, that is great news. There are always new situations to adapt to. I think that its more and more that I have to accept my urge as it is and that it is perfectly normal and not pervert it. Pornography in my opinion is more or less perversion. The urge isn't but it is always there and it won't go away the deal is I believe now for me is to accept that and that I'm human. I will get tempted but I don't have to do anything no matter which situation that I'm in, this isn't a competition either cause I'm always good as I am.
     

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