My husband works 10 days on and 10 days off. He says he hasn’t looked at porn for 7 months. And it’s not an issue , he just buries his feelings and thoughts. During his 10 days at home he appears to be invested in working through the issues. He has attended SA and comes home a different man. We met with a sex therapist who is going to work with him and then us as a couple. It’s good to see. When he goes back to work, he’s in a different world . He becomes detached, angry, resentful etc... if I ask questions he gets defensive. Simple questions such as, did you do any reading last night? He replies, yes I did ,a couple of pages. My reply, oh ya, what did you learn or what resonated with you? His reply I don’t know , I don’t remember. I’ve asked him how he would best like to approach our issues, nightly phone calls was decided upon. However the phone calls are hows the weather pleasantries. Even though I said I would like to know how’s hes doing emotionally etc.. I asked him to do that 7 months ago, and he didn’t , our previous therapist asked him to do it and he didn’t, I asked one more time , and he didn’t. He says he doesn’t have time to read most nights as he’s rushed. My reply , well if you had time for internet shopping, truck shopping and porn viewing , obviously you have time for making life style changes. His reply, I guess so but not really. So tonight I said, look I’m not going to be the punishing mother, or the intrigating mother. I’m taking all pressure off. I love you, and if we’re going to heal this marriage , it can’t be 10 days on and 10 days off. We need a plan. His response was, I don’t know what I can do. I said, ok, well take the next few days and figure out what would work. You’re the captain of this ship, and I want to support you. So maybe in a few days when you return we can talk about your plan. I asked does that work for you? He replied I guess so. I asked him if he’s going to therapy just for me or because he realizes he needs to deal with the underlying issues. His response was , I’m doing it for both. I said, then take me out of the equation cause if you’re doing it for me no amount of 12 steps or theraphy will help. I said, I love you and I want us to work, but it’s not up to me alone. We need to work together. We have this BIG elephant in our lives, thousands of girls actually, and he jumps into his pit of denial and thinks everything will just disappear. I’m saying, no we have to talk and share. I get the feeling he just wants to pretend nothing ever happened...live in denial etc...and carry on as before!!! He’s just totally shut down, distant, resentful, angry, defensive and negative about everything and I mean everything. I’m finding I don’t want to talk to him at all. There’s nothing but how’s the weather, an nasty emotions. What am I to do, cause I’m sincerely at a loss. This is like the beginning stages of War of the Roses. Except I don’t want to play.