Libido Challenges... tips, tricks, suggestions

[PoloMarco]

Hey Folks,

Intro
This is my first post on the NoFap forums. I've been following this forum and the no PMO movement since at least November 2018. I started to drastically reduce my porn consumption in January 2019. I stopped it completely, with no porn, no edging, no "just watching" in April 2019. Now it's July, and I am about 3 months into completely no PMO. My phases so far have gone....

January - April 2019, occasional PMO, maybe every two weeks, extremely high libido. My previous relationship ends due to lack of sex, my partner just can't satisfy me.

March - Present, lower libido, 100% no PMO. New relationship with a hottie, struggling to stay aroused and satisfy myself and most importantly her; my issue creates tension and conflicts elsewhere in our relationship.

Question
Has anyone else experienced a flatline period where their libido is just super super low? After some research I've come to believe that I am definitely in a period of Flatline/low libido. I'm expecting my natural libido to emerge at some point over the coming weeks.

More Context
I am dating an incredibly beautiful woman, possibly the most attractive I've ever had the pleasure of being intimate with, and she LOVES sex. Like can't get enough of it. There are some conflicts between us because sometimes I am just not aroused by what's shes doing! It's crazy, frustrating, and ranges from low/not that hard erection to completely flaccid even during the hottest moments. This is a great partnership for me because I am also a very sexual being; however, right now it feels like I am just playing catch up, and could lose this woman for not being sexual enough! This is ironic because at the beginning of my NoFap journey I went through the extremely high libido phase, and my previous relationship ended because of lack of sex!

I would greatly appreciate any tips you have:
- suggestions for how to explain the flatline to my partner
- your story and how you got through it
- tips you have for keeping libido up during a flatline
- supplements/health stuff
- meditations and yoga

Anything would help!

 

[Realitycheck]

So your story actually resonates but I’m the partner in your story.

I’ve met the guy of my dreams compatible emotionally and sexually however over time - few months after we started hooking up- the exact issues you described started happening.
Maintaining an erection has become a chore more than something natural and left me feeling so insecure and unattractive.

With him eliminating PMO there have been small improvements.
All I can say is be honest with her and put in the work from your part- as I have read it is fixable and with time can come right. Tell her she’s beautiful and let her feel appreciated even if you are not feeling it. Even just kissing or touching helps!
I wish my partner would be open on this forum as you have to perhaps receive some advice too!

 

[PoloMarco]

Hey thanks a ton for sharing. If you have time I think since you're the partner in this I want to ask you about the communication aspect. I'd love to hear (as a woman/assuming you're a woman) how you'd want to hear about this 'flatline/no PMO' thing? To me it seems like such a 'bro' topic and I've had female friends say 'wow, I understand but I just don't identify with that at all LOL." I am not totally sure how to talk to her about it. I asked her for some space until next Tuesday - Tuesday is rapidly approaching.

What would you want to hear from your partner?
What would be a way to talk about flatline and changing sexuality with your male partner that didn't make you feel unwanted or helpless to contribute to their recovery?

So your story actually resonates but I’m the partner in your story....!

 

[Realitycheck]

Hey thanks a ton for sharing. If you have time I think since you're the partner in this I want to ask you about the communication aspect. I'd love to hear (as a woman/assuming you're a woman) how you'd want to hear about this 'flatline/no PMO' thing? To me it seems like such a 'bro' topic and I've had female friends say 'wow, I understand but I just don't identify with that at all LOL." I am not totally sure how to talk to her about it. I asked her for some space until next Tuesday - Tuesday is rapidly approaching.

What would you want to hear from your partner?
What would be a way to talk about flatline and changing sexuality with your male partner that didn't make you feel unwanted or helpless to contribute to their recovery?

Yes I am a woman I think that because I like to understand things myself, having done the research, a lot of the time I’m actually trying to explain things to him about what flatlining is etc.

From him though, words that have really resonated were when he told me he could have a top model next to him and would still feel this state of non arousal. This took a lot of my insecurity away, which I would think, is what your girlfriend would also feel!

One of the issues also was him making me aware or commenting on other women, which made me extremely insecure as I felt perhaps they were able to arouse him when I wasn’t. Since we spoke about it and he’s more aware of it he doesn’t do it and I feel better not knowing!
Also knowing and him agreeing that he actually needs to stop staring and start caring about what’s in front of him.

We agreed that he would initiate any sexual activity be it foreplay or anything but at the same time he needs to force it sometime even if he’s not feeling it just to remain close.
This doesn’t mean sex, even just kissing, touching any of that.

If really he’s not feeling it for himself he will still put the effort in to satisfy me so I think definitely keep that in mind for your girlfriend- she also has needs, and at times by him seeing to my needs arouses him unexpectedly!

Hope that helps!