Life alone, Love alone

I think loneliness arises in a person when they have something that they’d like to share with another person but aren’t able to.

At the moment, I’m worried that I am too comfortable being alone. It feels like the right thing to do. My life has not come to pass as I hoped, and it’s all just a bit of a disappointment; not something that I think is best to share with others.
Seems like my best option is to share the love I have with myself.
I am the type of person that gives my love away freely (and innocently) without thinking.
At my advanced age, I want to be wiser and more protective of my heart. It hurts me to think that I still love my first gf, and my first wife, even though they broke my heart.
Love has escaped me, but I’m still hoping to grab a little for myself.
I am loving and lovable; and I find love everywhere <3
Love and best wishes to you all <3

 

Thanks @Yes I Can Man for suggesting that I look for a gf. The question made me a little uncomfortable, but I think the answer is because I don’t really want to find a gf. Heartbroken people like me resign themselves to a solitary existence to avoid the pain of rejection and abandonment.

 

I made contact with an old female friend and talked with her by phone for more than half an hour. It was nice and reminded me of all the long phone conversations that we had in the past.
The friendship ended on a somewhat sour note, and was later complicated by the fact that I lent her some money.
Anyway, my feeling is that it is better to leave the past behind. People move on, and things change. I’m not anti-social, however, I understand that friends come and go due to several factors that are not in our control.
That said, I realize the song “Que Sera Sera” or whatever will be, will be, is truly the way it is for me.
Solitude has been something that I learned to appreciate, as much as I do all the cherished people that I have shared good memories with <3

 

It’s Saturday night, and I feel a deep sense of loss. For the past 2 1/2 years, my social life (which barely existed for many years now) seems close to extinction.
Age, declining health, finances, pmo, and the pandemic have all been factors towards my almost complete isolation; however, I just don’t feel like I want to be around people most of the time.
What I wanted most was a loving relationship and a small group of good friends, but that’s not how it’s turned out.
I don’t want to force it into being, and I accept (and kind of enjoy) my solitude.
That said, it seems that thoughts of loneliness, and boredom are seemingly inevitable.
Imagining that things could be different and fantasizing about some dream life can be fun, but going forward, I think I’ll try to avoid it. Because ultimately, it takes away from being able to fully appreciate what I have. And right now, I have no reason not to go to bed early and thank god for all of the blessings He has given me.
Good night. I love you all Nofap <3

 

Last night I had a dream in which I MO’d because I felt lonely. I’m not sure P was involved, but it was clear that loneliness was the trigger.
The good news is that it was just a dream. The bad news is that the feeling of disappointment crossed over into my real life and reinforced the fact that very little has changed, despite being pmo free for 450+days.
It’s quite sad, but I accept it. The silver lining is that the dream reaffirmed that pmo is not something I want in my dreams or in my life; loneliness be damned.
I don’t know when, or if I’ll have another chance at romance or companionship; what I do know, however, is that I definitely don’t want pmo to be any part of my life anymore.
In fact, I’d be ready for monk hood if I didn’t need to shave my head. ;-)

 

It would be easy and simple to blame my 40 year addiction to pmo as the reason I wasn’t able to develop a satisfying and secure relationship with a woman, however, (as we all know) life isn’t always easy or simple.
I could blame the women that I chose to declare my love, however, no one is perfect (including me).
Forgiveness is a good virtue to have, but being clear eyed and realistic with myself is more helpful for learning how to heal and move forward.
The fact that I was unable to maintain a long lasting relationship with my first gf, first wife, or my last committed girlfriend, doesn’t mean that I am to blame. I’m far from perfect, but I’m a good person.
I wish that entitled me to have a good, loving relationship with the partner of my dreams, but once again, it’s not that easy or simple.
Loneliness often leads me to think of the past and yearning for the feeling of love that I once experienced.
What is easier, and simpler to do is to foster and enjoy the relationship I have with myself. This is the way forward.
My focus now is on how I can better show myself how much I love myself.

 

Today, I found myself around family, and feeling varied degrees of kinship.
I realized that when I felt heard and understood, I didn’t feel lonely.
As I spoke with my brother, he seemed to misunderstand things that I said, and created arguments by putting words into my mouth. This has happened before and it is sadly not unusual behavior. I tried to laugh it off like I had in the past, but really I was saddened.
Being unable to converse in a reasonable and civilized way, I realized that at that moment, my brother embodied loneliness.
Loneliness is felt deep inside each of us, and can even happen in a crowd. Only by being aware of ourselves may we hope to find out how we connect with the world around us.
I will try to be more keenly alone so that I can see how and with which pieces I connect with in the puzzle of life.
Although we may not enjoy the feeling of being alone, it’s probably the best way to discover how and where we fit.