To be honest Idk if anybody is going to see this but my life is hell. I was introduced to porn at the young age of 9 but started masturbating at 12 and my life has not been the same ever since. I started masturbating like 3 times a week thinking it was all well until those 3 times a week became 3 times a day. Depression and anxiety have hit me to a huge extent when it comes to girls. Most of the times I see a nice or pretty girl I would assume she doesn’t even like or even consider me in her level since I see myself as an unattractive person. This is one of the main reason I always relapse since I would assume that I will always remain single for the rest of my life and call myself a loser all the time. I have a friend with whom I had a crush on but I was scared to tell her so instead I told her I used to have a crush on her instead of telling her I still do coz this was eating me alive. At first everything was fine I did 5 days without touching myself until when we started hanging much more and everything became worse.
Another thing porn addiction has done to my life is affect my spiritual life. I’m a boy who used to read the bible quite often but now I can’t even pray due to the shame and guilt I feel. Apart from the guilt whenever I try to pray, I tell myself that people just pray whenever they want or need something from God and that it’s not fair for him to keep forgiving everytime. Whenever something bad happens in my life, I always say that I deserve it because I’m always committing the same sin again and again. Job hunting has been rough even though I have a lot of qualifications from being a dedicated student and I also blame the job hunting on masturbation as usual and say I deserve it.
As for emotional, whenever I feel like I don’t wanna do this or have other sad thoughts I feel the pain but tears aren’t able to come out of my eyes which is weird since I’m a sensitive person. The only way I cry is when I have thoughts of when or what I would do if my mother dies. So that’s pretty much all my life.
With all that being said If you have read this and want to become buddies can you hit me up please because I don’t think I can overcome all this by myself
Another thing porn addiction has done to my life is affect my spiritual life. I’m a boy who used to read the bible quite often but now I can’t even pray due to the shame and guilt I feel. Apart from the guilt whenever I try to pray, I tell myself that people just pray whenever they want or need something from God and that it’s not fair for him to keep forgiving everytime. Whenever something bad happens in my life, I always say that I deserve it because I’m always committing the same sin again and again. Job hunting has been rough even though I have a lot of qualifications from being a dedicated student and I also blame the job hunting on masturbation as usual and say I deserve it.
As for emotional, whenever I feel like I don’t wanna do this or have other sad thoughts I feel the pain but tears aren’t able to come out of my eyes which is weird since I’m a sensitive person. The only way I cry is when I have thoughts of when or what I would do if my mother dies. So that’s pretty much all my life.
With all that being said If you have read this and want to become buddies can you hit me up please because I don’t think I can overcome all this by myself