Life is bleak

I remember when I wasn't addicted to porn. I was confident, had emotions, enjoyed music, video games, lifting weights, talking to my friends. Now all I do is feel like crying everyday, angry, hating everything, depressed, low self esteem, insecure, I feel physically and mentally weak, unable to cope with the smallest setback and my world comes crashing down and I have many nervous breakdowns daily. Other people are planning for the future. I'm thinking about how to survive another day without porn. I'm stuck in the past. People can detect my insecurity from a mile away and start treating me like I'm not worth anything. I feel like a victim all the time instead of empowered. All the thoughts in my head are becoming homeless, raped, suicide, failing at everything. It's like there's zero stability in my life. I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up. No hope for the future. Just depression. I tried believing in God and it worked to some point. But being tested every single day is too much. What to do besides keep on trying. Hopefully I can meet my ridiculously high standards one day. All I want is to be clean from porn. Staying committed to streaks is so hard. My depression follows me around everywhere. Like darkness everywhere I go metaphorically speaking. I want to be the person I wanted to be when I was little. But this depression is too much man