Life is destroyed - please help

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by double_a, Nov 21, 2015.

  1. double_a

    double_a Guest

    I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I have been battling PMO addiction for the past 4 years of my life. I am 19 years old and attending university, but I have no motivation to study. I have concentration and memory problems. Everything I am doing seems worthless, I have no hope to overcome PMO. I relapsed last month and ever since I have been PMO'ing almost everyday now. It has become so powerful to the point I can't quit masturbating to porn.

    I wish I could stop, but when I am overcome with urges, it is so difficult to resist. When I feel depressed, I have nothing to turn to. PMO is the only thing that gives me joy, even though it is only for few seconds. I can't feel any pleasure or happiness otherwise; my brain is desensitized to my surroundings. I am tired of failing and trying to fight PMO. I don't have any energy or support to do this. I told my mom about my addiction, but she can't do anything. She says that it is up to me to change my habits.

    I want to change and enjoy life again, but I don't have any motivation to do it. I went through so many failed attempts and I know the hard work that goes into this. I wish it was an overnight process where I can take a pill then the next day I am cured. Unfortunately it doesn't work this way. My life is destroyed, someone please help me. My life doesn't have any meaning, I have nothing to look forward to. No future goals or plans. Any advice is appreciated.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 21, 2015
  2. nfprogress

    nfprogress Fapstronaut

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    You are exactly right. It doesn't happen overnight. It took about 3 weeks from the time I started taking anti-depressants to the time it turned my life around completely and I was able to function well again. I haven't looked back.
     
  3. APY

    APY Fapstronaut

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    I think you need something to start a domino effect. NoFap is the start of the domino effect for most guys here, but you should find something else.

    First thing I'd recommend is read self help books. The one that comes to mind right away is "The Slight Edge" by Jeff Olson. The principals in the book can be applied anywhere in life. You fix your problems, one step at a time.

    Second, I'd recommend implementing daily habits (basically what "The Slight Edge" talks about). Off the top of my mind, a few things that could be helpful are: meditation, cold showers, and the gratitude challenge. The gratitude challenge is basically when you write down three things you are grateful for every morning. There is a forum topic somewhere on the forums that talks about it.

    Third, I'd recommend implementing some type of work out routine.

    Fourth, find an accountability partner. BUT, find one that will help you beyond only NoFap. Find someone who will talk about all areas of life.

    I'm 19 as well. Right in the middle of college, hormones are going crazy and you have to decide what you are going to do with your life. It's ruff. But, it's all up to you bud. You can choose to accept your fate as an average joe who spends his time masturbating and being "average", or you can look towards a greater you and strive for that.
     
    goldstein and A new me ! like this.
  4. Well I see a cross on your aviator. I would advise you to see your pastor/priest about it if you go to a church.

    Anyway keep yourself active and join a sporting group and even at your university can have a sporting group where you can join and with it keep motivated with university life. Also what can help is to serve other people such as volunteering at a charity. It will reduce your self thoughts and you thinking too much and also help with depression. That what helps me.

    When I was your age I had a similar condition and also was on antidepressants. The antidepressants did not really help me much and when I look back it did not do much and I found it much more effective where I played sports, exercise often such as go for a run, go to church, volunteer at a charity.
     
  5. Barnabas

    Barnabas Fapstronaut

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    I think the advice of those above is mostly great, likely what you need. What I want to say is what I hope will help you to take the steps you need to take.

    So let's frame the situation: you think you have a problem, you do not like it, and you think you cannot change it. The first positive sign is that you recognize that there is a problem - your mind is working. Second you do not like it - your conscience is still functioning even if your will is rebelling against it. Also, you have brought this to others by posting it here. Even your will has some degree of positive involvement.

    But you feel trapped - as much as you think it's a problem and dislike it, you think you cannot change it. You can - and you need to recognize that it is possible. Maybe you can't do it alone, but that doesn't amount to can't, period.

    You say you lack motivation. What is the motivation of your conscience that dislikes your problem? Like it or not, no improvement happens in a vacuum - it only occurs in a situation such as yours. You cannot improve if you are already perfect, and every life consists of constant improvement from birth to death. Enjoy struggling, or you will not enjoy life. The motivation of your conscience is to be a good person, to become a great person, to find personal fulfillment in a life that makes others' lives better and makes the world a better place and makes history a more triumphant story.

    So you definitely have a reason to fight - even if you couldn't get rid of this problem for the rest of your life, it would be worth fighting every single day because trying to be a good person is the most important thing and the most happiness-inducing activity you will ever engage in.

    So the motivation is actually there, your mind and conscience are in the right place - you must bring your will into conformity with your mind and conscience, because your will is the faculty by which you decide how you behave. Start training it by saying no to yourself in unnecessary things. Train your will to do what you think you should do, and to go to someone and ask for help. You will lose your feeling of helplessness as addiction declines, even if there is a deeper problem. But ultimately, you will have to be willing to address the source, be it normal weak human nature, or clinical depression.
     
    goldstein likes this.
  6. Gladiatori

    Gladiatori Fapstronaut

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    I see from your post that you are depressed. Masturbating too much depletes your energy, physically and spiritually, as well as emotionally (because you give in and feel like a loser). Don't worry, your normal. What you need to do is develop your WILLPOWER!! You're a very young man, so use this opportunity to become strong! When you wake up, focus only on one thing, NO PMO! Get your ass up drink a cup of coffee and go for a walk/jog. Don't even eat. Watch Pumping iron, or any masculine male energy movie.

    The most difficult time for addictions is the morning. Then the night, not as hard if you have worked your ass off btw. Suffer today, Live tomorrow!
     
    bestrongbefearless likes this.
  7. goldstein

    goldstein Fapstronaut

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    I can't add anything else the previous post cover the most important things you need to know. The only thing that i can recommend you is to install filters and porn blockers in the devices you have access if possible. If you don't know how send me a PM and i will help you. Having porn blocked reduces the anxiety that resisting the urge produces when you are using your celphone, tablet, pc, etc. At least that's my case. Give yourself sometime, i'm sure you will overcome this. Your life isn't destroyed, you just started working towards a better one but you didn't realize yet. Keep strugling it's the only way. Sorry for any grammar mistakes.
     
  8. Random Dark

    Random Dark Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, looking around these forums, I've seen that most people generally report miraculous, superhuman effects after going through a reboot. With such a promising end in mind, it can be easy to see NoFap as a valiant goal that will lead to your salvation; the panacea; the indulgence granted for one's sins.

    However, that is a misconception. Probably, the reason you are failing is because you have begun to see putting noFap into a pedestal, along with the things you hold dear. And think about it: you can't reach things you put on a pedestal. You can only lament its beauty.

    Bottom line, maybe no PMO shouldn't be what you are focusing on, at least yet. Instead focus on the root cause of your agony, which is your depression. I know that we do not know each other, and that my guess is as good as anyone else's, but here it comes: Might I suggest that you seek some therapy regarding your situation?
     
    Gladiatori likes this.
  9. Gladiatori

    Gladiatori Fapstronaut

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    I have to disagree dark. The origin of the despair is probably due to a loss of overall hope, but depletion of life energy certainly promotes continuing despair, to be fair, we've all been there. Everything is interrelated. Tremendous Vitalitas comes from saving your semen. At least he needs to stop P, MO is not nearly as filthy, and draining evil trash. It makes one feel like filth cause they consume and expel filth in a continuous circuit of filth...
     
    Random Dark likes this.
  10. Golgo 13

    Golgo 13 Fapstronaut

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    I was at the same place u were 46 days ago. I said fuck life, im done. But I kept going on i hope that the FUTURE would be better for me.

    At the end of the day you must stop PMO. Its the only way...
     
    Random Dark and Gladiatori like this.
  11. Random Dark

    Random Dark Fapstronaut

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    I respect your opinion, Glad. And I realize, maybe they don't have to be exclusive; meaning maybe he can seek therapy, while stopping PMO. Also, I am interested in what you are terming "life energy". I hope you can elaborate, at least for my curiosity.

    AA (because your name is double_a), I still consider you keep trying noFap, but just keep adding steps to it (meaning, I still ask if you can consider therapy). Can you tell me some of the things that you have tried in the past (even if they failed or not).
     
    Gladiatori likes this.
  12. Random Dark

    Random Dark Fapstronaut

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    This was where I was coming from when I suggested therapy. If your concerns, double_a, turn out to have a serious neurobiological aspect to them, then this becomes more than a question of willpower. People minimize depression of any sort nowadays, subclinical or otherwise.

    I've been looking around in this forum for a post named "10 misconceptions about NoFap" or something like it. Only 1 misconception stuck: that NoFap is your salvation. It is not. It is a process. There is no guarantee that after 90 days, you suddenly burst into super saiyan mode. No one knows how many days it takes. What is sure is that NoFap helps. But it isn't the only way.

    That's why I recommend you cover all bases, and I mean ALL. And that includes the kindness and guidance of a therapist.
     
    Gladiatori likes this.
  13. Gladiatori

    Gladiatori Fapstronaut

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    @swimbikerun I am more than familiar with depression. I never indicated it would be "easy as a light switch". I did actually indicate it would be quite hard, when I said get up and train. In fact the whole thing i said was that it Would be hard. So I don't think you ought to say "at the flick of a switch". :/. And Who is screaming here? its you, not I.
    Getting out of depression is very hard, and you have to work at it.
     
  14. Gladiatori

    Gladiatori Fapstronaut

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    @Random Dark Sure, you can easily google this stuff. The masturbation and depression are related because of depleting your Vital Force - vis vitalis. It greatly reduces your will and strength, encourages slothfulness, and stagnation.

    Just google sex energy and you can find many sources easy.
     
    Random Dark likes this.

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